Originally Posted by AnnD
First of all I don't think you have BPD....and self diagnosing isn't helping you...you are using it as the reason for the way you are now acting or the reason you can't get over the love of your life.
Everything I have read about BPD is me. Even without the pain of the break-up.
1. Shifts in mood lasting only a few hours. - This happens on a daily basis. I have highs & lows. One moments I am fine the next I am not.
2. Anger that is inappropriate, intense or uncontrollable. - This is constant for me. Someone says the wrong thing & I snap. Loose control. I freak out on my own mother, usually for nothing at all.
3. Self-destructive acts, such as self-mutilation or suicidal threats and gestures that happen more than once - I can't count the number of times I have though about suicide. After a rape when I was 16 I attempted to overdose, my mother found me passed out & I had my stomach pumped. The doctors diagnosed me with Social Phobia, Anxiety & Depression. I was put on anti-depressants, Paxil, it didn't help much. I self mutilate to cope with pain. My stomach is a mess of deep scratches. I burn my own legs.
4. Two potentially self-damaging impulsive behaviors. These could include alcohol and other drug abuse, compulsive spending, gambling, eating disorders, shoplifting, reckless driving, compulsive sexual behavior. - I always end up turning to drugs & alcohol when dealing with something I feel like I can't. After the rape it was cocaine. Now it's alcohol. I am also on and off again with eating disorders, one month I am bulimic, the next anorexic & then I can be fine for months. It's like I don't know who I am.
5. Marked, persistent identity disturbance shown by uncertainty in at least two areas. These areas can include self-image, sexual orientation, career choice or other long-term goals, friendships, values - I have switched majors 3 times in the past 4 years. I tend to act like whoever I am with at that particular moment.
6. Chronic feelings of emptiness or boredom. - I always have an emptiness. A void. I have no friends, no life & I would say I am bored 90% of the time. This intensifies my feelings for needing him, I have nobody else.
7. Unstable, chaotic intense relationships characterized by splitting - Obviously from my original post I have chaotic relationships. We break up constantly. Usually he begs for me back. Not anymore. I can't handle it.
8. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment - Again this is obvious. I feel like my abandonment issues stem from my father leaving when I was a child.
Anyways I am going to a doctor today. I might even drive myself over to emergency if this continues. I can't take it.