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Old 02-01-2009, 12:34 PM   #1
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Who am I? anyone feel like this?

Hey,

Since I was about 15/16ish I've struggled to have a single identity. It's like I don't know who I am or who I want to be.

I tend to go through phases where I feel certain that this is who I am but then I always end up hating myself and completely changing. It feels like I'm acting out different character roles but never being myself. One day I'm a great artist, the next day an entrepreneur, another day a soldier, a cowboy, a skater, beatnik, a politician......the list goes on but really I'm none of these things.

There is one common theme, I live life like in a film. I envy my friends who are who they are and are happy. I've had many personalities and identities but it's left me feeling like I'm more of a nobody then a somebody.

I've become more and more depressed as I've got older and I desperately want to find myself. Does anyone else have this or know what it is?

Thank you

 
Old 02-01-2009, 01:23 PM   #2
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Re: Who am I? anyone feel like this?

Could it be that you are still a young person, looking for inspiration and a "place" for yourself. You sound like a creative person, with no set path...yet.

I can relate to you, and my journey started out feeling like yours (I think). At this point, I am almost 50 years old, and have just recently found my place. If I could have done it all again, the only thing I would change would be letting my fears run the show.

We all have a place in life, and everyone is on the same crazy trip through it. When we look outside ourselves and see others seemingly breeze through, it makes us feel more out of control. Have you heard the old syaing about the duck, gliding across the pond, with not a wet feather...but underwater he's paddling his *&% off?

In the end, I turned out to be an artist, a write, a counselor, a teacher, a mother, a student, a volunteer, a laborer, a leader, a follower, and a hundred more things. You will have your own list, after you try all these hats on, and all the ones that do not fit...you still have to try 'em!

Does this sound anything like you, or did I miss completely? Just going from the gut on this one. I hope you find some answers you are looking for.

 
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Old 02-01-2009, 03:00 PM   #3
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Re: Who am I? anyone feel like this?

cheers writeleft,

That does sound like me but its like I only ever try hats on, never choosing to wear them! I realise that people will do many things within their lives but it's their personality that shines through making them who they are no matter what job they are doing. My problem is that I'm not anybody. i have a name but it means very little.

Maybe you're right. I think I am a creative person and maybe being like this is a result of that but I just wish I was somebody. I look at my sister who spends every free minute making art and my brother who spends all his time making music but I just don't know what to do with my time.

Do you feel happy now? Do you feel like who you are now is how you would like to be remembered?

I never have. Maybe I'm just being pathetic but I'm depressed and being depressed is a destructive state of mind where it is hard to progress.

cheers

 
Old 02-01-2009, 03:20 PM   #4
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Re: Who am I? anyone feel like this?

Ok, I can go with that scenario...depression, yes-years and years of that. Something that must be addressed head on-try the medications, try the therapy, learn everything about it, and find the way YOU need to deal with it. You are not a nobody, you are not.

You have the gift of introspection. That will save you, I promise. Just don't forget to give equal weight in the positive aspects of life. Observe other people, find the humor in everyday.

Do I feel happy now? Yes. What I haven't told you is that I escaped death five years ago (medical stuff), and that's what it took for me. I had gone on for 43 years looking outside myself for everything, then reality stepped in, and I went down. Yes depression, anxiety, stress, relationship issues, lifestyle choices..they all hit me back hard. I have accepted my weakest areas, and work with them, not against them.

Life is like the waves, you can either surf them, or get pummeled on the rocks.

 
Old 02-03-2009, 12:40 AM   #5
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Re: Who am I? anyone feel like this?

Quote:
Originally Posted by sydthekid View Post
cheers writeleft,

That does sound like me but its like I only ever try hats on, never choosing to wear them! I realise that people will do many things within their lives but it's their personality that shines through making them who they are no matter what job they are doing. My problem is that I'm not anybody. i have a name but it means very little.

Maybe you're right. I think I am a creative person and maybe being like this is a result of that but I just wish I was somebody. I look at my sister who spends every free minute making art and my brother who spends all his time making music but I just don't know what to do with my time.

Do you feel happy now? Do you feel like who you are now is how you would like to be remembered?

I never have. Maybe I'm just being pathetic but I'm depressed and being depressed is a destructive state of mind where it is hard to progress.

cheers

Hello sydthekid,

Being that you are only 20 years old I wouldnt expect you to know what you want yet. Not a lot of 20 year old do. I sure didn't.

If it would make you feel better I have always writen things down. To help me decide things. Maybe if you write what you like doing look at them see which one really drives you and focus on that. I have even wrote my likes and dislikes about myself. I write what bothered me and then looked at a way to fix it. I am happier from it and so is my family.

Being an artist I have found brings out the strangest feelings. What I mean is an artist draw a different picture of life, and others see them as strange at times. We are creative in such a way that sometimes people misunderstand and not sure how to handle this creativity.

I hope this makes sence.

Don't sweat the small stuff.

Good luck, hope I put you at a ease at least a little.

 
Old 02-05-2009, 10:45 AM   #6
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Re: Who am I? anyone feel like this?

hey I tried writing stuff down, kept a diary, even tried free writing i think its called. It's helpful but sometimes you just need to talk to someone else who isn't your own brain!

It's not really a case of not knowing who I want to be, it's more of lack of knowing who I am right now.......or maybe just hating who I am right now...I'm not sure. It's been helpful to hear peoples comments. I think I've realised that it's mostly just depression and I'm going to try to sort this out. Depression is a feeling of self-hatred and I guess I therefore want to change myself when I feel like this. Some people self-harm, some people turn to drugs but I guess I just assume there is something wrong inside myself that I have to change.
Thank you both for replying to my post, its been surprisingly helpful.

 
Old 02-06-2009, 11:06 AM   #7
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Re: Who am I? anyone feel like this?

I would really like to hear you have talked to your parents who can point you in the right direction. Talking to others is a great idea, it does help but you have a human stand with you is greater. If you need to see a Dr great they are there for you to talk to as well.

Let us know how you are today keep in touch.

LIfe is worth living. We are not doctors here but we are people who care.

Last edited by moderator2; 02-07-2009 at 07:33 AM. Reason: please use private messaging in the profile for making contact - do not post your info on the boards

 
Old 03-28-2009, 09:18 PM   #8
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Re: Who am I? anyone feel like this?

i can certainly relate. i think when i was younger, i went through all those phases, trying on new personas, adopting other people's, but never found something that fit. for a little while, i would feel like i knew who i was, but then, almost out of nowhere i would decide i completely hated who i was and had to change everything about myself immediately. i went through so many different types of clothing, unfinished projects, and aspirations. my senior year of highschool, i finally had something, i was someone i liked and i wasnt being someone else, i was me and i liked it. the problem is, when i went off to college, i slowly started losing my identity again. i have absolutely no idea who i am or how i lost myself. i dont know how to be myself again and i feel like a blank slate. like im nothing, and no one. i wouldnt be able to describe myself if someone asked. i have no truly defining characteristics, no real hobbies, nothing unique about me. while i dont know who i am, i know who i want to be. its strange trying to aspire to be something i once was, i feel its all i can do. im just trying to rebuild myself in a sense.

Last edited by blue712; 03-28-2009 at 09:20 PM.

 
Old 03-30-2009, 02:23 AM   #9
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Re: Who am I? anyone feel like this?

Quote:
Originally Posted by blue712 View Post
i can certainly relate. i think when i was younger, i went through all those phases, trying on new personas, adopting other people's, but never found something that fit. for a little while, i would feel like i knew who i was, but then, almost out of nowhere i would decide i completely hated who i was and had to change everything about myself immediately. i went through so many different types of clothing, unfinished projects, and aspirations. my senior year of highschool, i finally had something, i was someone i liked and i wasnt being someone else, i was me and i liked it. the problem is, when i went off to college, i slowly started losing my identity again. i have absolutely no idea who i am or how i lost myself. i dont know how to be myself again and i feel like a blank slate. like im nothing, and no one. i wouldnt be able to describe myself if someone asked. i have no truly defining characteristics, no real hobbies, nothing unique about me. while i dont know who i am, i know who i want to be. its strange trying to aspire to be something i once was, i feel its all i can do. im just trying to rebuild myself in a sense.
It's great to know someone else understands this feeling but I'm also sorry for you, I know how depressing it can be sometimes.

I've felt better in the last few months but that's partly because I've been more pro-active in my life, doing things I've always wanted to but never got round too. Things like, taking spanish lessons, delving in to the local jazz scene, painting, planning trips. I think forcing yourself to do things with other people or where you meet new people has been really helpful. Half the problem I think is the fact that I live in a place that is kind of lonely. Is that the same for you?

 
Old 04-02-2009, 06:42 AM   #10
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Re: Who am I? anyone feel like this?

glad to hear that you are doing better.

Half the problem I think is the fact that I live in a place that is kind of lonely. Is that the same for you?

actually, i live in down town chicago, one of the busiest cities. im always surrounded by others, except that i live in a single dorm room at my college university where i tend to isolate away from all of the crowds. hopefully things will be much better next year, as i am moving into an apartment with my boyfriend and two other friends from high school. i only hope that i do not become too dependent on them and start adopting their agenda's as my own or let them define who i am.

 
Old 04-03-2009, 02:04 AM   #11
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Re: Who am I? anyone feel like this?

Well the city can be a lonely place too right? Anyway, good luck, not sure what to suggest as I'm still looking for an answer myself!

 
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