i'm not sure how to explain this, but before you say go to a professional, i have. the problem is whenever i get around those types of people i never say anything. i don't feel comfortable talking about it with people i know yet either, because i'm not that close to anybody at all. the most i've ever been diagnosed with was a mood disorder, just because it's so obvious a lot of the time.
the problem i'm having now seems a lot more serious. i've always been a little paranoid, frightened easily and such, now it's just too much though. i constantly have the feeling someone is watching me. i keep having thoughts that some stranger is just going to come and kill me. i flinch at every little noise or shadow.
i've tried to read a lot about pd's and i could never figure out what might just be wrong with me. i have all of these so called symptoms that it seems everytime i think i know what's wrong, something else comes up and it all changes. i just would appreciate a couple second opinions.
Kaey, I can't give a second opinion because I'm not a doctor but I can give you some advice perhaps or at least a little insight. You are going to have to let in a professional for some help. You can't do it alone. I know it is scary and unnerving to tell these things to someone especially if you don't know them but it is the only way to get help. If you are ill, you won't get better on your own and it could get a lot worse. As far as not trusting them or not feeling close to them, that could be a part of your illness. I have a PD and part of it is never feeling connected to others including family and friend even though I know that they love me, I just don't feel like we connect if that makes any sense. The only way to find out though is to seek out professional help. If you aren't comfortable at first, keep going until you feel comfortable with the therapist, or find one that you do feel comfy with. I changed therapist after a year because my first one wasn't helping and now my new one just RAWKS!
In all honesty though, the only way to get help is too seek help. If you can stick it out long enough for them to help get a diagnosis, things will get easier. I know it did for me. Once I understood the why's and what's of what was going on with me, it made it a bit easier to deal with and talk about.
Good luck and I wish you the best.
IT's hard because you don't want anyone to tell you to go see a professional, but we are not doctors here and that is exactly what you need. Do you have a medical doctor that you trust? If so you could ask him/her to recommend somebody he knows who i a therapist. At least then you might have more trust in the person you go to because your doctor knows them. Getting a referral from someone --anyone--you know might help.
The problems you are expriencing sound very much like they are ruining your quality of life.
Most importantly: You need to think of the one person in life you trust the most--there must be SOMEONE--a family member, doctor, friend--and ask them to help you find a therapist you can trust. Perhaps they can make the calls and do some screening.
Trust is your issue, and calling upon any tiny amount you already have to get some help is very important.