Re: what's going on here?
Kaey, I can't give a second opinion because I'm not a doctor but I can give you some advice perhaps or at least a little insight. You are going to have to let in a professional for some help. You can't do it alone. I know it is scary and unnerving to tell these things to someone especially if you don't know them but it is the only way to get help. If you are ill, you won't get better on your own and it could get a lot worse. As far as not trusting them or not feeling close to them, that could be a part of your illness. I have a PD and part of it is never feeling connected to others including family and friend even though I know that they love me, I just don't feel like we connect if that makes any sense. The only way to find out though is to seek out professional help. If you aren't comfortable at first, keep going until you feel comfortable with the therapist, or find one that you do feel comfy with. I changed therapist after a year because my first one wasn't helping and now my new one just RAWKS!
In all honesty though, the only way to get help is too seek help. If you can stick it out long enough for them to help get a diagnosis, things will get easier. I know it did for me. Once I understood the why's and what's of what was going on with me, it made it a bit easier to deal with and talk about.
Good luck and I wish you the best.