Never learned to accept "NO"
Hi, I am a 41 yr old male. I have a 5yr old, 3 yr old, and a baby on the way. Since the birth of my 3 year old, my wife says I have changed. She is right. After begging and pleading and threatening to leave, I began seeing doctors, psychologists, therapists, and others. First I was treated for ADHD with Adderall and then Concerta. Although both of them had an effect on my focusing and work, they did not address the problem. I was then treated for depression with Welbutrin, Zolaf and most recently Effexor. Non on these medicines have done anything positive for me. The psychologist thought it might me a man/woman thing, and the therapist thought I needed to keep a journal, bring in my wife for sessions and get a day planner. Finally, after more pushing from my wife, I made an appointment with a Psychiatrist. I spent 2 hours in his office and with his nurse. The session made more sense to me than anything that has been said before. He said, that the medicines I was taking would not be useful for my problem. My problem is the inability to take no as an answer, from myself and others. In every example that I gave to him, he showed me how it was just another case of not accepting no. I have ruined our finances because I won't tell myself no, even when I know that I don't need to spend the money. I have frustrated my wife because when she tells me no to something, then I won't do anything, or at least not do it right. (subconsciously). I have overreacted toward students due to them saying no, and I have fallen behind in work because I haven't been able to tell myself no about wasting time on other things. This had been accompanied with a tendency of being passive-aggressive. I also will point out actions that my wife does that I feel are contradictory to what she says I cannot do. Although we agree on most things, if she tells me no, I will sabotage many of the things we are doing.
I guess the main thing is, has anyone had any experience with this type of problem, and does anyone have any tips on self help that I can start before I begin seeing a therapist next week and after. Thanks...