Im diagnosed with boder line personality but I think its much worse!
Ive always felt normal, never thought twice about it. I functioned normaly for the most part, being able to hold down a job and keep relationships with people. I could socialize fine and never feeling uncompfortable around people. Thats all changed now. And I dont no why. It happened when I moved to a different city by myself at the age of 17. I began to feel things I have never felt before. I couldnt look people in the eye. I had trouble talking and spitting out my words. I would hide my face when around people. I would look away if they looked at me. I couldnt look back at them. I was afraid what I looked like. Because I was seeing things. I knew they were not real. It was like a translucent slideshow of blury images in my head. Like my brain is in knots. The only images I can make out are noses, and they are ugly to me, even though they dont look ugly. I was scared what I looked like to people. And I cant even move when in public. Im scared stiff. Im afraid Im not looking at them normal. Im afraid I look wierd. I dont feel my facial expressions are the same. And I can never stop looking in the mirror to check and see if I look normal. Am I thinking about it too much? I cant even work and its destroying my life. My boyfriend doesnt understand and he thinks its all in my head. I live with him and he doesnt think anythings wrong with me. I went to a sychiatrist and they diagnost me as borderline personality disorer. But I think its somthing else. I dont no what it is, but somthing is terriably wrong. I never go out, im afriad to. Its been 6 months and im 18 now. I hate talking to people, let alone people looking at me. So i try to stay away from public as much as possiable. ***** is very difficult when you have dreams of achievment in life. Or just living in general. My head hurts every second of the day and the delusions NEVER go away. Am I schizophrenic? Whats wrong with me?