I found a closed thread where this member said something very interesting.
"You LACK in mature and normal characteristics.
SO you have to GAIN or LEARN those certain traits that you never learned.
A 5 year old can feel incredibly confident, very special, and proud but that doesn't mean she knows about relationships, communication, problem resolution, empathy, etc. I've heard that people with NPD's emotional maturity can be compared to that of an overly confident 5 year old. It is basically ALL imagined instead of REAL. Are you intellectual - yes you probably are! So use your intellect to HELP yourself.
So you realize you are behind or emotionally retarded. You were held back instead of enhanced or improved by your very own ego or intellect and imagination. To compensate you imagined all this confidence and some of it actually worked eg: fake it until you make it"
this guy sounds extremely harsh.. but he does make a good point. Ontop of all the drama in my childhood, I was also an extremely spoiled child.. so... i guess I'm extremely behind in life, What do you do when you realize that you have no idea who you are? I guess this is why it's driving me crazy, all my life i've had the notion that I was special, that I was above all other people, it explained why I didnt make friends easily, why people thought I was rude... why i simply didnt see things the same as everyone else. but the truth is.. I see everything wrong.. it isnt reality... it's fantasy. How do I cope with this? I dont know how to feel bad for anyone but myself. I mean, yes, I love to read, i've been a bright student, but you cant really learn how to feel something.. can you? can I learn empathy? or would i simply be pretending to feel that but never really feel it? like someone who is male and wants to be female and has a sex change operation to fit the part, but would they ever really be female?? (not to offend anyone in this situation). Will I ever really feel love? real love? real compassion? real empathy? or will I always "fake it 'till i make it"??
I'd like to hear from people who are experiencing this disorder or know someone who is, what has been helpful? how do I recover? what can I do? is there hope? what has been your experience? do any of you know how this was developed?
Well, no, I started seeing a Therapist because I was going through a difficult break up and I was feeling pretty depressed. He started talking to me and suggested I read on Co-Dependence and a book called "trapped in the mirror" which is about children of Narcissists. I havent gotten around to reading that but i've been doing other research online and I think this is it, one of my ex boyfriends once told me that i lived in a fantasy, that life wasnt how i wanted it to be, and it all fits the pieces. I'm not really sure if I'm Co-N or just narcissists but as I've read.. I could take either role, it makes so much sense.
so are you the child of a narcississt?
usually true narcississts wouldn't even consider the idea that they are narcississts, or that they have a problem......it's the rest of the world that's the problem.....that's why I'm doubting that you're a narcississt
you may be co-dependent.....I am, and reading the book co-dependent no more really helped me
you're not the first person on this board that has told me that, but they're are some that can admit to it. I dont know if i'm the child of a narcissist, and it's only now that it has been put infront of my face that i can admit it, in the past I really did believe the world was the problem, not me. So maybe... i've recognized it as it has been put infront of my eyes and i've simply been trying to read a lot of self help books and start seeing a therapist to try and figure myself out. I've always been more a "truth seeker" I cant deny something once it has been put infront of me.
a true narcississt isn't introspective enough to care!
honestly.....a true narcississt isn't going to sit there and worry about being a narcississt.....they will just go on with life looking for their next source of narcississt supply and not give it a 2nd thought.
Do you think a bee worrys about who they're going to sting?
no they just sting.....because that's what bee's do
do you think a rabid dog contemplates who he's going to bite?
do you think a narcississt thinks about who he hurts or inconveniences?
I suggest reading the book co-dependent no more. It has a checklist of signs of codependency. It will become crystal clear if you read the list if you are or not.....plus the book is a quick, interesting read.
Hi I'm new here but have participated in another forum .
Most of my "problems" came about by being raised by a Co_N mother ( my parents had a codepenedent relationship and it was controlled by my N mother)
My coping mechanisms revolved around being overly independent, and i never became a compensatory codependent. Somewhat Like you 00lady00.
I grew up with being mistrustful of others but not completely so. I would TRUST those who mirrored my family, so obviously my needs never were met. I also had some avoidant tendencies. When things got difficult I would withdraw.
Because i had a hard time bonding in healthy relationships Narcissism ( or self centredness) was sometimes construed as part of my makeup.Usually another flawed person would point the finger.
I think it's important to realize that not being able to maintain relationships, and having a sense of ego doesn't point to N-ism. It just means we haven"t yet understood what our coping style is and haven't learned how to change it.
Any disorder can be in varying degrees, so self labeling or labelling others can be quite defeating.
My ex had narcissistic (and histrionic tendencies), although not so far as to be diagnosed with a disorder. In her case it was her (potentially abused) upbringing and experiences that made her that way. At an early age it taught her to learn that all relationships are based on sex and that sex is a tool you use to get what you want. It taught her to manipulate people very easily and that she was smarter than everybody else.
We could sit and have a philosophical debate about the truth behind what she believed, but truth is in the eye of the beholder, every bodies reality is different, and really smart people are never happy.
The fact that you are on here worrying about it means your probably not so bad...