| | Borderline Personality Disorder..or what else?
I have read some articles about Borderline personality disorder and I think I may have it. I don't know much about other diseases and I think this may be the one.
For years now I have known something is wrong with me. I am 26 now. I have never any girlfriends (just a couple my whole life) and had many sexual partners, not for the chance to have an orgasm..but just to have someone there I guess. I have always had many male friends.
I have uncontrollable anger and have slashed boyfriends tires, ruined about 100 cds of an ex, and have almost poisoned someone with prescription pills but didn't. I was also a stripper for two years and lied to my entire family about it and friends..never feeling and guilt or remorse at all. When they found out and wanted to have a meeting with me, I called the police on my parents. I recently moved 2000 miles away from my family and am not using my college degree.
Its like I believed all of my lies. I was never sexually abused..or at least I dont remember it. I do things and do not think about the consequences or how the other person will feel. I never feel guilty and I never say I am sorry even if I hurt someone very badly.
I have always been with guys on some kind of medication or emotional problems and many of them were compulsive liars also. I was on Paxil for anxiety attacks a few years back. I have thought about suicide many times but never did it. I have never done a drug in my life, smoked a cigarette or had a lot of alcohol.
I do not have a memory of my childhood. I can't remember names, dates, or important things. I can't remember teachers name from 3 years ago or what I did in 6th grade or even important days (like graduations, birthdays, etc) In my past I have blocked ouit things emotionally and can't seem to remember them at all.
At my job, if someone is 'rude' to me (or I think they are)..i have dramatic outbursts and with my boyfriend cannot control my anger at times. He is also a very emotional, stressful, person.
What could this all mean?