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Old 10-10-2010, 04:18 AM   #1
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PatrickBateman HB User
This may sound hypocritical, but...

...I somehow have the craving to be in a relationship, yet at the same time I know I would work better by myself. I think I'm a sociopath, and this desire for a relationship is purely for the, yeah, 'possession' that I will have. That and I can have someone think they're close to me so I can, whenever I choose, use them to manipulate for 'gold' and entertainment.

I'm cold and hateful, and have no desire to adhere to the concept of respect or ethics or anything. I cannot invest in another person emotionally, on any level, and I have no sex drive in the slightest. I guess I'm moderately attractive, but who am I to say? I'm alienated, distant and detached. I don't care about anything at all: politics, religion, friends, family. I'm quite baffled that I'm quite popular, really, because I enjoy telling people I don't care for them in the slightest, especially if they've in the past told me they care for me, because I know it will hurt them and I know they'll think that on some level they will be able to change me and make me care for them or they think I'm just saying that to put on a 'strong front' and that they can crack it. They're wrong. It won't be cracked because it doesn't exist. It isn't a strong front, it's just me.

And yet, even though I know I won't be able to do anything in a relationship (the only one I've had was more of a friendship, really, a very intimate one in which we spent all our time luring males in and then making them fancy her and then we would manipulate them to see how far we could take it - we managed to make someone almost kill themselves. Yes, I realize on a social level that it's wrong, perhaps even sick and disgusting, but I can't help it and I was shocked and so relieved I found someone just like me who I could do this with) and it would be unfair, but there's a part of me that desperately wants it. I really wish I would be able to work in it, but I don't think I can. This sounds like it should depress me, but it doesn't. It just leaves me with the same intense emptiness I feel constantly.

 
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Old 03-25-2011, 09:02 PM   #2
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linc HB Userlinc HB User
Re: This may sound hypocritical, but...

Well I hope that you are seeking all of the help and professional help that you can.

 
Old 07-26-2011, 01:54 PM   #3
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trg247 HB Usertrg247 HB Usertrg247 HB User
Re: This may sound hypocritical, but...

a sociopath would not come to a health forum seeking advice. Most sociopaths will never realize they actually have a problem as they see no error in the way they think and behave
__________________
Major Depressive Disorder With Psychotic Features
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Borderline Personality Disorder
Generalized Anxiety Disorder

Current Meds
Pristiq
Cymbalta
Seroquel
Temazapam

 
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