Hey Sunka, I hope you're feeling better now.
Anyways, its good that your land-lord dealt with that situation properly and got your paperwork figured out. It would be unprofessional if your landlord failed to do his/her job in order to get rid of you. Even in the event that it did happen that way - simply remind yourself to be, 'mindful,' seperate yourself from the situation, by using, "DISTRACTIONS," but also by following through with some pre-set coping mechanisms.
One thing that helps me - walk away from a situation like that - breathe, recognize the objective FACTS about the situation. Go over it only once, and allow yourself to recognize the FACT - that you've done all you can do, and anything more is simply unecessary for you to attempt to change.
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
That phraze always comes in handy when times of stress alter our thoughts and cognition. And - just so you know; from what you told me - I would also have got anxious and, 'paranoid,' about such a situation as you were subjected to. However - the important thing is to remember - that you're environment (Situations / circumstances) do not have to control your behavior and actions in responding to them.
Also, those paranoid thoughts are not paranoid thoughts. Don't associate anxiety that is derived from genuine situations / circumstances, with paranoid ideation. The truth is, whatever it was that caused you to feel the way you did - was brought on by a combination of what happened to you. Please don't invalidate your human right to be a thinker, feeler and needer.
From what you've said - your therapist or, 'case worker,' has suggested several things that are quite insightful. First off - you did nothing wrong; accept that, allow it to give you confidence and get rid of any guilty feelings. As for the anxiety - that is understandable; and it is to be expected. Do not ignore it, but make sure you don't let those thoughts take over and give you reasons to act in certain ways that would otherwise be out of character, and or - irrational.
In my opinion, you've done all that you can do with the other people. The real test will be - like you said in your final post - "Learning how to live with it." And that my friend, is exactly what becoming healthy with a mental illness is all about.
"Learning to live with and accept certain ailments that would otherwise be misunderstood, neglected, and or - used against you."
If you haven't looked already, look up, 'grounding techniques,' on the internet. I use them a few times a week, and when stress comes all at once I do those grounding techniques more often.
One thing you can remember - and hold onto this. (Although it's very hard to do when stress and anxiety seems to control us) Remember that other people may be having a bad day - and sometimes you aren't important enough for them to go THAT far out of their way; to get rid of you, or abolish you in some way. EVERYONE - and I mean, "EVERYONE," is susceptible to the exact same kind of, 'paranoid,' thoughts as you went through. All that is required is the right amount of stress, the right kind of stress, etc.
Thanks,
8800gts
