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-   -   Am I Crazy? Why I am so mean to my kids? (http://www.healthboards.com/boards/personality-disorder/888034-am-i-crazy-why-i-am-so-mean-my-kids.html)

rmrojo02 02-02-2012 01:38 PM

Am I Crazy? Why I am so mean to my kids?
 
I am so mean to my kids all day and when they go to sleep I feel bad about it and want to wake them up to make up for it. I know I am an awful mother, but I am doing the best I can. I have severe mood swings and get aggravated easily. When I do this sometimes it's in front of my husband. He doesn't get involved or say anything to me. He told me once that I'll be sorry for doing what I'm doing. PLEASE I WOULD LIKE SERIOUS ANSWERS ONLY :eek: Has anyone been through this or do you know anyone who's like this? I get so angry and take it out on my kids. Sometimes I just treat my kids coldly for no reason. Like I'm angry and sad for NO APPARENT reason. These negative emotions come and go throughout the day and its taking a toll on my relationship with my kids, especially my 7 year old. He even calls me stupid mom sometimes. I love my children to death and would give up my life for them but when something doesn't go my way, I just lose it. Please any advice would be greatly appreciated. I am too embarrassed to talk about this with anyone else...even my husband who I love :o I just don't think anyone will understand that I don't like doing it...I just can't help it. After I lose it and go off on them for what I later realize to be "normal" kid stuff, (well some of it seems to be normal, and some other things really are a little worse than that), I then think to myself "Geez if someone did this to me, I'd be devastated. What the hell is wrong with me??" Please help. I do not want to continue this cycle of abuse. I love my kids too much but sometimes I feel as though I have no control over my actions. I cry myself to sleep every night and say to myself that tomorrow will be a better day. Then it's just the same old thing again. I'm tired of it and I know my family is too. Do I need meds? A therapist? Why do I act like this? It's like anger rages through my body and I cannot control it. I don't hit my kids. It is usually screaming and sometimes putting them down with strong words. I know, it's horrible and I feel bad. I know I need help but I don't know where to begin. :confused:

Thank you in advance.

Scrunchyface215 09-07-2012 12:51 PM

Re: Am I Crazy? Why I am so mean to my kids?
 
Do you think you're dealing with depression? It sounds like you may. You must stop verbally abusing your children, not ok,ever. I would consider counseling. Sometimes we resort to parenting the way we were parented. You need better tools. Pick up a parenting book, enforce better discipline. Why isn't your husband standing up to you?

Seraph 09-07-2012 06:01 PM

Re: Am I Crazy? Why I am so mean to my kids?
 
You must take control of and responsibility for your actions. There are physical techniques for control of anger, eg, taking a deep breath etc. You willdestroy any relationship with your children if you go on like this. Get help if you can. You are wrong to think you cannot control it - the truth is not 'can't', but 'won't'. Sera

Lollypat 09-19-2012 02:02 PM

Re: Am I Crazy? Why I am so mean to my kids?
 
Wow, girl, I know exactly how you feel.

GET HELP. Talk to your doctor and ask for a referral to a psychiatrist, who can help you understand and who can also prescribe the right meds for your issues.

Your husband might be a nice guy but he is a lousy dad if he lets you abuse your kids that way. He needs to step up, help you out, help them out. Just sitting there telling you you'll be sorry is BS. You're already sorry you're doing it. You need help and guidance and willpower.

I had very similar issues when my daughter was young and I would fly into rages over stupid things. I never hurt her physically and I never said mean things to her, but I'm sure my behavior was frightening. I was later diagnosed a likely bipolar. You may have a disorder and you may only need anger management and guidance.

GET HELP. Your kids deserve better, and so do you.

coffeemom30 10-30-2012 10:14 AM

Re: Am I Crazy? Why I am so mean to my kids?
 
I was going to say depression as well. I'm also a mom, dealing with the same symptoms (though I try really hard not to take it out on the kids). Depression is what I've got for sure, possibly BPD but not sure. Meds help tremendously, and that is what they exist for. Just tell your doc what's going on and he'll give you some meds to help. Nothing wrong with taking them if you need them!! :)

sheldrake 11-06-2012 02:21 AM

Re: Am I Crazy? Why I am so mean to my kids?
 
[QUOTE=rmrojo02;4921480]I am so mean to my kids all day and when they go to sleep I feel bad about it and want to wake them up to make up for it. I know I am an awful mother, but I am doing the best I can. I have severe mood swings and get aggravated easily. When I do this sometimes it's in front of my husband. He doesn't get involved or say anything to me. He told me once that I'll be sorry for doing what I'm doing. PLEASE I WOULD LIKE SERIOUS ANSWERS ONLY :eek: Has anyone been through this or do you know anyone who's like this? I get so angry and take it out on my kids. Sometimes I just treat my kids coldly for no reason. Like I'm angry and sad for NO APPARENT reason. These negative emotions come and go throughout the day and its taking a toll on my relationship with my kids, especially my 7 year old. He even calls me stupid mom sometimes. I love my children to death and would give up my life for them but when something doesn't go my way, I just lose it. Please any advice would be greatly appreciated. I am too embarrassed to talk about this with anyone else...even my husband who I love :o I just don't think anyone will understand that I don't like doing it...I just can't help it. After I lose it and go off on them for what I later realize to be "normal" kid stuff, (well some of it seems to be normal, and some other things really are a little worse than that), I then think to myself "Geez if someone did this to me, I'd be devastated. What the hell is wrong with me??" Please help. I do not want to continue this cycle of abuse. I love my kids too much but sometimes I feel as though I have no control over my actions. I cry myself to sleep every night and say to myself that tomorrow will be a better day. Then it's just the same old thing again. I'm tired of it and I know my family is too. Do I need meds? A therapist? Why do I act like this? It's like anger rages through my body and I cannot control it. I don't hit my kids. It is usually screaming and sometimes putting them down with strong words. I know, it's horrible and I feel bad. I know I need help but I don't know where to begin. :confused:

Thank you in advance.[/QUOTE]

sheldrake 11-06-2012 02:39 AM

Re: Am I Crazy? Why I am so mean to my kids?
 
hey! you are not alone in this. i have three boys..7,4,3. they are my world and i do everything i can to make them happy but feeling the pain from my past makes it hard. my parents were not around much my mum worked all the time and dad just did his own thing and always making us better ourselves. we were never good enough. i had friends who lived a few doors away andeveryday i went there for attention i should have got at home. instead the father o my frien sexually abused me at 12 and it went onfor a year before i screamed at my parents why i was a reclused child angry and lackin at school. they accused me of being on drugs and alcohol. and didnt believe te truth i told tem instead they threw me on the streets after my overdose at14. i started therapy which my father refused to attend and i lived homless in an old peoples home until i moved to my aunts. she showed me i wasnt bad and helped me through my first pregnancy. i love my boys but i really struggle to stay in a happy mood and i know ill have to go back for cognitive behavioural therapy because all my shouting is making them unhappy. this and psychothrapy for PD. they know im poorly and i tell them that mummy doesnt want to shout and i see doctors to help me. i pray to god every night that it doesnt have a long term affect on them and that they may understand when they are older as long as we all keep talking to each other about our feelings and how things hurt our feelings ect. try CBT your gp can refer you :) remember to count to ten and whisper as you count with a deep breath and discuss alternative reaction and question their behavours. mine are often naacting with bad behavour when im at my lowest and find it hard to spend qaulitytime stress free with them.

sheldrake 11-06-2012 02:45 AM

Re: Am I Crazy? Why I am so mean to my kids?
 
hey! you are not alone in this. i have three boys..7,4,3. they are my world and i do everything i can to make them happy but feeling the pain from my past makes it hard. my parents were not around much my mum worked all the time and dad just did his own thing and always making us better ourselves. we were never good enough. i had friends who lived a few doors away andeveryday i went there for attention i should have got at home. instead the father o my frien sexually abused me at 12 and it went onfor a year before i screamed at my parents why i was a reclused child angry and lackin at school. they accused me of being on drugs and alcohol. and didnt believe te truth i told tem instead they threw me on the streets after my overdose at14. i started therapy which my father refused to attend and i lived homless in an old peoples home until i moved to my aunts. she showed me i wasnt bad and helped me through my first pregnancy. i love my boys but i really struggle to stay in a happy mood and i know ill have to go back for cognitive behavioural therapy because all my shouting is making them unhappy. this and psychothrapy for PD. they know im poorly and i tell them that mummy doesnt want to shout and i see doctors to help me. i pray to god every night that it doesnt have a long term affect on them and that they may understand when they are older as long as we all keep talking to each other about our feelings and how things hurt our feelings ect. try CBT your gp can refer you :) remember to count to ten and whisper as you count with a deep breath and discuss alternative reaction and question their behavours. mine are often naacting with bad behavour when im at my lowest and find it hard to spend qaulitytime stress free with them.

ladybud 11-06-2012 03:04 AM

Re: Am I Crazy? Why I am so mean to my kids?
 
Your mood swings, anger, impatience, irritability and feeling out of control are all symptoms of depression. You have an illness that is treatable. Please talk to your Dr., accept the idea of meds to help you out, talk to a therapist, get some parenting guidance, and implore your husband to be an active participant in this family problem instead of a passive observer who is enabling this to go on. He needs to be part of the solution, take over when you've had too much, help support you and figure out better ways to deal with your kids. This can be turned around with the proper help. All you have to do is ask. It is better to be honest than ashamed and let this continue. It is destructive to your whole family, but is not your fault. Many women suffer with post partum depression that never goes away until it is treated. It is triggered by hormone changes, and can last for years if not treated. Kids are forgiving. If you change, they will quickly change their attitude and feelings toward you.

elizabeth62 11-06-2012 03:28 AM

Re: Am I Crazy? Why I am so mean to my kids?
 
You have to decide you aren't going to do it anymore, no matter what.
When my kids were young I got mad about the same things over and over.
A couple of examples: Spilled juice and not being able to find their shoes.
I'd want to leave the house and they'd be hunting for their shoes...grr!

After yelling at them about it one last time, I put a box by the front door and whenever we came home, their shoes went in. Then I bought several sippy cups, even though my kids were 3 and 6.

Prevention and planning is what helped me. And I also did literally run into my bedroom a few times and beat the **** out of my pillow.

Just know that you CAN be nice to them because you are nice to cops, right?
If one pulls you over, you might get mad, but you won't show it. You CAN act calm, no matter how you feel, just make that your #1 priority.


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