This is my first post here so, first and foremost, hello
So before I start, I'm still a teenager. 16 years old to be exact and is a girl. I also came from a broken family...
I go to school like any other normal person but it seems that I have problems gaining friends. I just can't bring myself up to talk to them as I'm scared of their reactions. The friends that I have now either came up to me first or was introduced to me by another friend...
I also don't like to be seen alone. This problem is quite troubling... Once, my friend didn't come to school as she had to attend a funeral and believe it or not, I cried and ended up skipping too the next day. In my head, when I am seen alone, people will think that I'm lonely and pitiful or simply don't have any friends.
Earlier today, my sister called me a "no-life". She had said it jokingly and I realized that but my heart started to race and my breathing became hitched. Afterwards, there were this running thoughts about how people can be so judgmental about things.
To add to that, I cry quite a lot and can suddenly get depressed for a reason I myself don't know.
Thoughts of suicide came up to me at times but I never seriously thought of doing it since dying scares me. I guess those thoughts gave me a sense of control.
"Hey, when things get way too unbearable, you can always end it." Stuffs like that.
Things also work the other way around. Instead of being suicidal, I become homicidal. The thoughts were the same. When people get too mean, I can always finish them off.
I'm sorry if it was long... I sounded "ill" huh? I would really appreciate some advice regarding this. Just to help me shade some light on my problem...
Thanks for your time..