Please read, I'd like an opinion;
Lately I've been curious towards why I'm so different mentally than everyone around me. It's not that it bothers me, it's just I've had a lot of problems with my personality lately and figured maybe theres something deeper than me just being, well, an ***. I'll just say all the things about me that are different than my little society;
I'm sarcastic to extreme levels, angry all the time, and have absolutely no problem in (as other people tell me) "going too far" and hurting people's feelings. I can honestly say I feel like everyone around me is levels below me in brain power. I have "friends", but I never hangout with people unless it's for my own gain. Like my girlfriend for example, I've been dating her for quite some while; and I hate it. Every long term relationship I've ever been in makes me angry. The only thing I've ever cared about is the sex in the relationship. My friends? I'm not close with them. People try and try, but I just don't go to that level. They all love me, but I don't care for them. I'm hilarious and thats why people enjoy my company. I don't have a best friend, either, and never really have; not even at a young age. Whilst we're on the subject, also, as a younger child I never fit in. I hated being around other kids, and always wanted to be home by myself. It's just like I am today. My friends call me anti-social. I just have a lack of emotion though. I don't feel anything for anyone, but lie that I do, just for fun. The only time I truly want to hang out is if there is a party, sex, or drugs. I use people for drugs.. I love the adrenaline, it's not even so much the drug experience, just the way it feels to do things without second thought. I do it just because I can. People never understand that, and always criticize how when I get into trouble it's always for drugs. Though I've always been able to con my way out of it with fake tears and a hollow promise of; "I'll never do it again, I promise!"
I've always grown up with animals, and I can say I'm really fond of them. Especially reptiles. Though I've never done anything to hurt an animal, and this is something I've never once told anyone, but I have sick thoughts of hurting them, no matter how much I enjoy them. It's a line I'd never cross though. People are just the same, too. Every little thing a person does wrong makes me livid. My mom today ordered the wrong type of pizza, and I was so angry I wanted to throw the pizza in her face. It gets to the point where I'm shaking and filled with thoughts of just wanting to punch whomever made me made. I love to play fight, too. I'll throw fake little punches on people, and slowly work my way up to hard blows on them. I'm violent- It's an addiction.
I'm also always in trouble in school, I can never keep my mouth closed. Always coming up with smart remarks to the teacher, disregarding the days of suspension I get. I was even completely kicked out of my last school. I'm insanely smart though, I was offered to skip two grades. Though my parents didn't allow it. I'm insanely irresponsible, though. I never use how smart I am to accomplish work. If somethings been assigned to me, it makes me want to do it less. If I'm not told to do something though, if it's my choice, I do great.
I get claustrophobic and paranoid, too. And as much as I hate people, I hate being alone. Just because I feel vulnerable. I think it stems from something happening to me as a child.. I don't remember exactly, but I know I hate all of my family, especially men.
My girlfriend is starting to see all of these "Tendencies" and wants me to go to a therapist. I personally don't care. An opinion on my difference would be appreciated though.
Last edited by Mongopushed; 12-07-2012 at 02:40 PM.