Hi guys, I'm new. I have lots of questions, well at least a few. The biggest question I have right now is if BPD symptoms change over time? I use to have A LOT of rage in me, A LOT and I used to be pretty paranoid and would snap easily. Pretty much all of the classic BPD symptoms (I swear the book, "I Hate You Don't Leave Me" totally described me). About 7 years ago I really snapped and almost lost everything, including my husband and kids. When I came down from that episode and began to realize what I had done I began to really try and mend my relationships. It was so hard and an excruciatingly painful process. I also found Judaism which helped give me direction.
Since all of that, I do not suffer even fractionally the same way I did before that event. The rage is gone but I do battle with depression (I hide it really well). Actually I have a lot of issues still but like I said the rage is gone. It's like I purged it all out at once during my destructive rampage. My question is if any of you have experienced something like that or if any of you have heard of an experience similar to that? Also, has a belief in a religion ever been able to lesson the symptoms for anyone? Maybe it was because it was all new? I don't know.
The ways that I am better are, as mentioned above, the rage is gone but it has been replaced with being numb. Also, I don't have the separation anxiety I used to have anymore but again, it feels like it's just been replaced with numbness. A huge improvement has been that I don't feel like I am covered in raw nerves anymore. I used to have triggers that would leave me feeling devastated and damaged. It was like having PTSD. Someone would do something that hurt my feelings and I would feel like I was just violated and raped or something. Those symptoms have subsided along with the rage but again, is replaced with a numbness.
I still have issues: I completely feel isolated on a soul level. I can't connect with people. I feel like a zombie just putting one foot in front of the other on auto pilot. I feel scattered and can't make sense of the world.
I don't enjoy life. I spend a lot of time at home with my husband and children and never feel like I really connect. It feels like when you are in a stare, you are aware of your surroundings but you are completely disconnected, that is what it is like for me.
Last edited by Administrator; 02-02-2013 at 08:40 PM.
hi, i am new too and i am here for my son (and me and the rest of the family). He is in prison and has been in and out of medication for some years. He has been with prozac and lithium for about a year now and it has been pretty good, all things considered. He stopped the lithium about 2 weeks ago and is having some withdrawal stuff. The reason I responded to you was that what you described seems to fit our son closely - the anger and rage and then the numbness. We are looking for help too and maybe something will come of this forum. I just signed on and am not sure how it all works, or if it works, but it seemed like a good place to start.
Yes the BPD can shift any direction any time. I have BPD and I can be fine and then next second I can get really angry and nasty. That is part of the Borderline. I learn to control my emotions by using my DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy). It's been so helpful for me. See if you can keep track of the moods and show your therapist or Psychiatrist. Maybe you need to be on mood stabilizer med. Good luck.
BPD symptoms do not change. However, the environment may change that produces a different result. BPD is caused by a deformed brain. We do not have the technology yet to be able to fix it. If you have BPD, you will have it for the rest of your life. You can learn how to do less damage to other people through therapy, but your sense of remorse and empathy will never change. So, you will always act in a way that you think is rational despite the fact that it hurts other people. It's just a matter of degree and the frequency that you use what you learned in therapy.
Borderline Personality Disorder is made up of a list of traits. Traits are not the same as symptoms because they are, arguably, "part of our personality / character." Hence - the title: personality disorder.
(It's important to remain aware of the distinction between being who we are - and having borderline personality disorder - because as much as we may fit the traits of borderline to perfection - we are NOT our illness.)
We are hurt souls - bleeding in ways that resemble a list of traits - that are built in order to determine specific problems - and point us in the direction of specific solutions to those problems...
Because we are not our illness - we can change. (We can get better)
We cannot expect a trait will disappear by merely attacking it the same way we would a symptom in say, physical illness. Instead - we must learn about the specific, "triggers," that exacerbate the traits of borderline personality disorder in the individual. Exploring the realm of triggers can bring about painful and often times - repressed memories - and learning the how, what, when, where and why's surrounding these triggers - can be used to prevent further triggers from taking over and bringing out borderline traits.
This way of thinking assumes that traits come and go - in episodes of extreme intensity - depending on many factors in a sufferers life - but ultimately continue to arise when the corresponding, "triggers," in one's environment occur.
Learning to control one's own internal environment and external environment - is paramount to success in Borderline lives. Accepting that we will not always have control of our internal and or, external environments - can be managed by utilizing skills designed to battle Borderline traits from controlling our lives and damaging potential happiness.
Through awareness, insight, self-compassion and all the other parts that make up a successful treatment regimen - we can learn to control our internal environment - so that our external environment no longer triggers us to the intensity that it can - and thus, traits can and do dimish with time.
The important thing with personality disorders is to remain consistent in utilizing skills and consistent in reflecting on one's own well being. I suppose we could think of it like - being one's own therapist - to allow the utmost potential for diminished traits and a heathier life - after having been trained in DBT and CBT skills.
I have Borderline Personality Disorder. I have learned skills to combat my triggers and with time and patience and practise (practise being repeated failure and successes) I have seen traits come and go.
Yes, believe it or not, bpd can go away. Because it is diagnosed by the # of criteria. If you have under the number used to diagnose it, you don't have it, but may have some symptoms. Very recently I realized when bpd started for me. I had a really bad experience in college. I left. I had no bpd symptoms before that, but after what happened I had almost all the criteria. I have 2 left. The staring thing I think is depersonalization or derealization. It is sometimes part of bpd, but not always. Are you scared when you are having the staring thing?