Can BPD symptoms change or shift over time?
Hi guys, I'm new. I have lots of questions, well at least a few. The biggest question I have right now is if BPD symptoms change over time? I use to have A LOT of rage in me, A LOT and I used to be pretty paranoid and would snap easily. Pretty much all of the classic BPD symptoms (I swear the book, "I Hate You Don't Leave Me" totally described me). About 7 years ago I really snapped and almost lost everything, including my husband and kids. When I came down from that episode and began to realize what I had done I began to really try and mend my relationships. It was so hard and an excruciatingly painful process. I also found Judaism which helped give me direction.
Since all of that, I do not suffer even fractionally the same way I did before that event. The rage is gone but I do battle with depression (I hide it really well). Actually I have a lot of issues still but like I said the rage is gone. It's like I purged it all out at once during my destructive rampage. My question is if any of you have experienced something like that or if any of you have heard of an experience similar to that? Also, has a belief in a religion ever been able to lesson the symptoms for anyone? Maybe it was because it was all new? I don't know.
The ways that I am better are, as mentioned above, the rage is gone but it has been replaced with being numb. Also, I don't have the separation anxiety I used to have anymore but again, it feels like it's just been replaced with numbness. A huge improvement has been that I don't feel like I am covered in raw nerves anymore. I used to have triggers that would leave me feeling devastated and damaged. It was like having PTSD. Someone would do something that hurt my feelings and I would feel like I was just violated and raped or something. Those symptoms have subsided along with the rage but again, is replaced with a numbness.
I still have issues: I completely feel isolated on a soul level. I can't connect with people. I feel like a zombie just putting one foot in front of the other on auto pilot. I feel scattered and can't make sense of the world.
I don't enjoy life. I spend a lot of time at home with my husband and children and never feel like I really connect. It feels like when you are in a stare, you are aware of your surroundings but you are completely disconnected, that is what it is like for me.
Last edited by Administrator; 02-02-2013 at 08:40 PM.