Please help diagnose me.
For generally most of my life, i feel as though I've experienced a lot of mental problems but, to be honest, i'm not sure whats normal and whats not. Most of the time i'd put them off, claiming it was whatever I read about that day (depression, various disorders), so I finally decided to list out my personality and actions in hopes that someone can help diagnose me before I leave for college next year.
this is the first time i've ever laid all of this out, so please bear with me, Im just gonna list everything I think should help with a diagnosis.
To start I guess I've always had a hard time with people. Not being around them, but more of understanding them. Often times I'd find myself missing out on social norms, normal things most people experience emotionally and whatnot.
I really wouldn't say anyone knows the real me because I generally act whatever way I need to around people. I've discovered (and come to terms with) the fact that I can be a pathological liar. Most of the time I lie to people, it's either to get something or just to do it. I'd say the majority of it is spent just to convince people of certain things for almost no reason, it's gotten so bad to the point where over the years I've become sort of a master at it, even to my own mom (she's pretty good at catching bs). The weird thing is I have to idea why i lie so much. I also tend to be extremely paranoid about things to where it's almost delusional. I know it won't happen, but i'm always ready just in case.
Anyway, all of my earlier relationships ended because I wasn't able to understand women, how they felt, their emotions, and return them. Now I understand them, I just don't feel anything that deep other than being happy sometimes and not at others. Because I don't really feel anything, I just act like I do, I say "I love you," and things like that, but really just so they won't get mad and hold things out from me.
I went through some pretty bad (self diagnosed) depression throughout my middle school and early (9th and early 10th) high school years. It wouldn't show on the outside, but sometimes when alone some thought would spark it and i'd cry or experience some huge amount of anger. This still happens every blue moon, but its not that bad anymore.
Not sure if this helps but I've had one pretty significant head injury over my life and one not so bad one. In one (i was like 7) I was in a pretty bad wreck which caused the side of my face to be torn open. In the other (like 9th grade) I fell and hit the back of my head so hard I still have a pretty bad bald spot from the impact.
My dad isn't an incredibly huge part of my life, which leaves my single mother always working and not really being a huge part either, so I generally spend alot of time by myself. (I have siblings, but they've moved out). I've come to being used to being alone and will sometimes lie and get out of things just so I can be. My dad used to have anger problems (he'd only hit inanimate objects) that'd we'd witness as kids, but he's not really like that anymore. My dad works ALOT, so me and my siblings are fine when it comes to things such as college funds and whatnot.
I don't really remember a whole lot of my childhood. When I was three, my mom, my siblings, and I all lived with my grandparents. My veteran grandfather (whom is an okay person now) used to enjoy terrorizing me and making me cry and was awfully relentless with it. We moved out since and most of our 6 months there I really cannot remember. After that we got our own house which i grew up in. I'm not particularly close to my family besides one of my siblings.
This next paragraph might seem kind of strange.
I remember as a young teenager really enjoying messing with my dog (my mom got it for me in hopes of making me less lonely). I'd enjoy her company of course but sometimes, I'd force her down and just sit there, just to exert my power over her, not really hurting her, but I'd just watch her struggle to get out, and eventually let her go when she stopped.
So, thats all I can think of at the moment I may post more If I can think of it. Any help would be appreciated.