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Old 07-01-2013, 11:55 AM   #1
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Borderline Personality Disorder. Can anyone else relate?

I have BPD. I'm 22 years old, was diagnosed with it around 18-19 years old. This is the one diagnosis I detest the most. It has such a bad rep. =/

I pretty much feel like a monster with all my diagnoses, but BPD makes me a monster. Reminder, I am talking about ME, not generalizing everyone with BPD as one. I know how much pain it causes to ourselves and everyone around us. I've done enough damage to myself and others. It's absolutely disgusting. I believe the only way for me to get better is to probably do DBT. The only thing stopping me from doing it is I do not like the therapists associated with it. You must see a therapist that is specifically at our local mental health association, and that is knowledgeable in BPD, and then attend the DBT group. You really don't have a choice at who you get to see... it sucks, and I feel isn't fair. I want to see someone I can click with, not because I'm forced to. Well there's my little rant. I see good days and bad. I love to talk to others.

Last edited by Mod-S4; 07-28-2013 at 04:30 PM.

 
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Old 07-01-2013, 04:01 PM   #2
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder. Can anyone else relate?

Hi Rainbow chick,

I felt some sadness to see that you describe yourself as a "monster" because of your BPD, with that statement alone I'm wondering if it distances you further from others? concerns around not having control over your feelings and the consequences of your actions... i'm assuming it must make you feel quite alone?! You say you would like to see a therapist who you can click with, have you seen any of the therapists there? How do you know you won't click with them? Perhaps, the important factor is that you have someone to talk to that understands BPD and how you are feeling rather than judging your behaviour, forming a therapeutic relationship is a process perhaps you can give it a try and see how you get on? I'm not sure of the procedures in the states but in the UK Personality disorders are not excluded from diagnosis, that means the person with the disorder does not have to just see a specialist in PD but is included in all therapeutic support groups or one to ones. If you feel you would like alternative support have you considered online therapy?
The important focus here, is that you are not left feeling like a monster and you find some way to explore your feelings in a safe place where you will not be judged but understood...All the best : )

Last edited by Mod-S4; 07-28-2013 at 04:31 PM. Reason: Quote removed.

 
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Old 07-01-2013, 05:44 PM   #3
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder. Can anyone else relate?

I do see a therapist, psychologist and psychiatrist, and am on various drugs. I was mostly talking about DBT - basically the only therapy designed to help borderlines. I do click with my current therapist - he is amazing. What I was talking about referring to the DBT was that at our local mental health facility in order to be in the DBT group, you need to see someone who specializes in BPD and DBT. I have seen 3 different therapists at the local mental health, and I just not like them. I have an easier time talking to males, and there are no male therapists there that work with BPD and DBT. I don't think it's fair that I can't choose specifically who I want to work with.

I feel like I am a monster because of what I put my ex through, but of course he brought out the ugly in me at times. After he broke up with me, I've been in trouble legally. I feel like falling in love again is hopeless, and something that barely even interests me anymore. I am afraid that I will emotional blackmail and manipulate my next lover. I never intentionally did it, it would come out at my worse times. =/
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Last edited by Mod-S4; 07-28-2013 at 04:31 PM. Reason: Quote removed.

 
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Old 08-19-2013, 10:41 AM   #4
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder. Can anyone else relate?

I have been diagnosed BPD a few years ago and upon reflection of my life and my behaviour and emotional states, it describes me to a T.

What my Psychiatrist advised was to read up on the subject and find books to read that will help one understand the illness and then you must learn to identify your behaviour. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy has helped me tremendously and especially having a therapist. I had seen her consistently over three and a half years and now I only see her should I need to.

The therapy and understanding a great deal more of BPD has given me greater insight to my behaviours and emotional state of mind.

I would like to suggest that you try do what has been so beneficial to myself. Perhaps and hopefully some of it will help you.

Best of luck.

Take good care and go gently on self.

 
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Old 10-20-2013, 07:29 PM   #5
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder. Can anyone else relate?

Rainbowchicken,

I was diagnosis with BPD. Boy do I love this dx. Think not!!!! I hate the way I act and behave. I did take DBT in 1998 and graduated in 2000. I just can't stand like when my Mom tells me how to take care of my animals, say over and over the same things like I should do it this way or put the rack (oven) up one. I keep telling her what you think I'm retarded. She said "no." But I told her I hate when she does that. Goes in one ear and out the others. When people push my buttons then I really get ****** off.
The best book to read is "Stop Walking On Eggshells." and get the workbook by Marsha Linehan DBT one. You can practice it over and over. Two more books called
"Lost in the Mirror," It's about BPD and "I Hate You, Don't Leave me." I read a lot articles on the computer and self help books to help me understand. I was seeing a therapist while taking DBT and I'm currently seeing a regular therapist but thinking of seeing one that specialize in BPD, PTSD and abuse.
My therapist think it's not a good idea to talk about the past and work on what I can do when I have certain things done like Pap Smear, or EKG, etc. I'm thinking o finding another therapist.

 
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Old 10-26-2013, 05:37 PM   #6
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder. Can anyone else relate?

Improvements in brain imaging have found that BPD is at least partially biological. Structures of the limbic system appear to be damaged or deformed.

The behaviours are not voluntary, and interpretation is misunderstood.

This is good news, unfortunately, the BPD (including myself) is responsible for changing bad behaviour.

One of the features of BPD is not liking being told what to do, or the person telling us what to do. Sometimes, if I want to succeed, I have to deal with the resentment and "play nice" It works out much better in the long run.

Last edited by Administrator; 11-19-2013 at 05:37 PM.

 
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Old 11-19-2013, 04:04 PM   #7
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder. Can anyone else relate?

Hi there, I've just been diagnosed with this horrible disorder of BPD, following a history of self-harm, self-hatred, not coping with stress, or taking on too much and becoming overloaded etc. Anyway, it came to a head recently where I actually had a psychotic episode.

- I was referred to the outpatients clinic for mental health who weren't really going to assist in any meaningful way there and then, and within a few days, I was back to feeling like I might go over the edge again, and they admitted me to the Psych ward and was placed in high obs until I was deemed to be "safe" again. Within days of being on a mood stabiliser I had improved, so they left me home.

However, they keep on about the importance of relaxation and finding time for myself (I have two kids with Autism and Aspergers) and they've not offered me any programmes or therapy at all. I'm on 400mg of Epilim at night, 30mg of Citalapram Teva (Cipramil) and that's basically it!!! I lay awake until 3am this morning, struggling and fighting my inner urges. I reported it to my GP today and insisted I get therapy of some sort - live in Ireland btw - I feel like I'm on the slippery slope here again and no DBT available either - nothing!!!! Can anyone suggest what I should do to help myself in the meantime???? Totally at a loss here and don't want to end up back in hospital again! Thanks!
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Old 01-26-2014, 03:14 PM   #8
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder. Can anyone else relate?

Hi

I tried DBT and it didnt work for me because all people wanted to do was talk over their past which wasnt the point of the group so ipulled out and i am doing lots better without it.. thats just me though... everyone is different..


 
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Old 02-27-2014, 07:57 AM   #9
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder. Can anyone else relate?

A few months down the line and I have been up and severe lows with my behaviour, interaction with other, totally misconstrued the meaning of the point. I was back on Psych ward mid last year. I hated it. I back on regular therapy, not a need to be basis. I needed help to get back on track because the last five months, I said to myself I had to get a grip and handle my own life, sid all therapy and doctors, who are absolutely the best for me. Well, I so went down tbe trash can. My psychiatrist reckons and which she has said from the start is that I will have to be in therapy for the rest of my life. We have dealt with the past, put it away. Now, it is dealing with my eating disorder. Therapy will be in the form of helping and supporting moving forward, it does not mean everything is bad or that I have major issues. It is for me to stay on track. My therapist specialises in DBT. I relapsed a few times that my life sucks and see the destruction, hurt and pain everyone else suffers because of me. I run on I pulse and feeling and what I interpret. Some times, mostly screw it up. I do not always think it through before reacting. So, yeah we are all fallible and it is ok to ask for help, even though I find it very difficult to ask for. I have to now or I will always relapse to the point of crisis. I and those that love me cannot take it anymore, I can't.
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Old 06-11-2014, 12:00 PM   #10
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder. Can anyone else relate?

Rainbow Chicken, You're definitely not a monster, but I understand why you feel that way. I feel that way too sometimes. But we aren't monsters. BPD is so hard to deal with...I can't talk for anyone else, but I know that everyone I've ever talked to about it has said they have a really hard time dealing with it. I do as well. I know I myself have done so much damage to myself and to others too. DBT helps me, I hope it helps you too. Keep your chin up!
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Old 06-11-2014, 10:02 PM   #11
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder. Can anyone else relate?

Rainbowchicken,
I know how you feel. I sometime get nasty with my Mom. I tend to let people get close then I us then away.
As far as therapist and DBT. I suggest you take it and will be worth it. I took it for a year and grateful I did.I learned a lot of skills. As far as therapist if you don't like the one you have you can ask for a different therapist. You have that right.

Loveyou90

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Old 06-11-2014, 10:16 PM   #12
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder. Can anyone else relate?

MJPD,

When I took DBT I had ups and downs. I did self harming. Once I learned the skills it's better. I still get the thoughts but don't act on it. I'm taking a DBT class to refresh my memories.

Last edited by moderator2; 06-12-2014 at 04:48 AM.

 
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Old 06-26-2014, 09:50 PM   #13
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder. Can anyone else relate?

I can relate. I'm 23 years old, and was diagnosed with BPD when I was 20.
I'm almost done with DBT.
I have felt like a monster my entire life. DBT has helped a lot though. Things aren't perfect, but way better.

 
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