Phobia Slowly Taking Over - Phobias Message Board

Hope25 · 05-26-2005, 05:50 PM

I guess some of you "know" me by now that I'm kind of prone to "caring" about other's reactions to certain things....I know, I know.....I had a sistuation today...well to make the long story short, I'm starting, well starting is not the right word - but I really think I have a problem dealing with talking on the phone. As I've said before, my CP hardly shows at all. But when I'm nervous, the "monster" comes out

well, today I needed to call my credit card to tell them I was overcharged on something....and I coudln't bring myself to do it....on the phone I just get scared! I feel that I'm being judged...whereas face-to-face I've learned to deal with.

I just get so scared dealing with things over the phone. I sort of become "breathy" and nervous like I'm out of breath. I feel like I can't help myself and I actually cry from frustration! Could you believe that I think my blood pressure sky rocketed b/c I was faced with this...having to make a phone call. I am so embarrassed.

So I tell my sister and she did it for me. The truth is, I've always had people to help me. Even my parents don't "push" these things, partly b/c I think they too, have some sort of problem "facing" certain situations. BUT I'M TIRED OF IT!!!! I started my own ecommerce website, I'm a business person of some sort, yet I have difficulty making a phone call.

I want to get over this. I guess I'm scared the person on the other end will take advantage, hang up, not take me seriously...I don't know. All my friends say I'm such a strong person, that I'm always joyous and happy (which I am) and they even come to ME for advice. AND I'm too embarassed to even talk to them about THIS.

I really think this phobia is what has ruined my life to a degree and made me miss out on many things...the idea of "what the other person will think/say..." I know I could never control that. But why can't I overcome it? And I want too. I'm still young, I can't let this take over. I even went to a psychologist, and he flat out said "you don't have a problem" and "who cares" what they say....Well you know what... I CARE! B/c I'm the one who has to face this....then I think about all the people who die senselessly every day for whatever reason, those with sever problems, and I don't have that. I thank God every night for what I have. But I feel I haven't really" enjoyed" any of it.

I need to overcome this now. I've managed to be "ok" with calling for pizza, that sort of thing. But when I have to argue or prove a point, I can't do it over the phone...it scares me. I sort of run out of breath, get nervous

Speaking on the phone...how can I overcome this??
Thank you for those who've always responded and helped me out. I really read your posts and they make sense to me. You help me a lot when I post about dealing with this "thing" - my "wrong" thinking...

bsjones · 05-27-2005, 10:37 AM

I have had this problem also.

What struck me as I read your post was that the person on the other end of the phone may respond positively or negatively to you, but that has to do with THEM, and little to do with YOU.

Personally, I have also found that when I call to complain about something, sometimes it turns out that I am wrong !! Un-believeable !!!

Anyway, good luck to you, Hope25 !!

Steffers2318 · 05-27-2005, 11:04 AM

I don't really like talking on the phone either, but I don't think it is because of my CP, I just feel strange calling people I don't know.

I have mentioned this to my mom before, and she said "You'll never actually meet the person (more than likely), so you can say something totally stupid and it won't matter." She also said that thinking about what you are going to say beforehand, even writing it down, can make you less nervous. This advice has helped me....hope it helps you too!

PS--I really don't think pepole would hang up on you, even if you start stuttering or whatever....and if they do, call back and complain about them

NJenn · 05-27-2005, 11:46 AM

Hope25--

I can't really help you with the phone, but I do want to say this:

It makes me sad to hear you describe you CP as a "monster". CP is a part of you. It's not all of you, but it does contribute to your being, whether you are comfortable with it or not. It may be helpful to you in all areas of your life to find ways to define your disability as positive.

Some ways I see CP as a positive in my life are as follows:

It forced me to become empathetic to older people and others with disabilities at a young age. In turn, those who know me generally become more empathetic to PWDs as well.

It forces me to take care of myself, slow down, and not take myself too seriously.

It keeps me from being caught up in a materialistic lifestyle because I know that there are much more important things in this world like maintaining independence and physical health.

Milesones in my life-- getting my master's degree, getting a job, learning to drive, traveling-- all mean so much more because CP has the potential to hinder all of these things.

Good luck to you.

Freestyles · 05-27-2005, 12:57 PM

Hope,

I trust you remember my other posts so I'll try not to be too repetetive.

I can relate to what you're saying... I used to get nervous around people I didn't know as well - whether it be on the phone or in person.

The key to overcomming your fear is three-fold...

1. Understand what's making anxious... You mentioned that it's talking on the phone but try to be as specfic as possible.. what makes you most anxious about the conversation? Maybe it's that you'll stutter and the other person won't understand what your saying. Whatever it is don't make yourself sick thinking about it just be aware.

2. Now that you have the stressor in your head, your mind is probably full of negative "self talk" Listen to what you're telling yourself... Chances are it's not in the least bit encouraging.

3. Challenge your self talk. (this is the hardest part since self talk can be very convincing) So what if you stutter? what's the worst that can happen??
Mind - She'll think I'm stupid - You - So what??? I don't even know him/her.

Mind - She won't understand what I'm saying You - So what?? If it's her job to be nice to customers and ask if something isn't clear.

4. It may be helpful to write this stuff down beforehand.. So you remember how to challenge the "voice within" if and when need be... Review this list - Or better yet try to come up with worst case sinerios.. What's the worst that can happen? Would that really be so bad? Will it drastically affect my life? Is it worth stressing over?

5. What's equally important is practice - Once you have some level of comfort, it's important that you actually use what you've learned - Don't get down on yourself if you run into some bumps along the way... Chances are it took years for you to "learn" to think like this.. The bright side is it can be un-learned, but it won't happen immediately... It's important that you don't hide from your fears... (I know it's tough). Start with making a call you are somewhat comfortable with.. When this goes well and you feel more confident move on to a call that makes you anxious. (Repeat steps 3 and 4 if need be). The idea here is to replace the negative self talk with not nessesarily positive but realistic thoughts.... Practice, practice, practice.

This is essentially the basis of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. There are lots of good books out there on this concept.. (Obviously the Physc you visited was totally unfamiliar with this concept). There are lots of good books on this topic. One that I'd recommend is "The Feeling Good Handbook" (by David D Burns I believe). I'm reading another one now about how our "thoughts" shape are personalities... It looks to be based on the same premiss but I'm not too far along so I don't know for certain

Very interesting stuff though.. Ah, I wonder if it's too late for med school. I think I'm in the wrong field.

Good luck..! I should get back to work

F.S