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Old 08-04-2002, 05:00 AM   #1
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mel333 HB User
Exclamation beach phobia

Hi Everyone,

I just came back from a holiday at the beach(Hawaii) and due to having to put on a bikini found myself starving just because of my beach phobia. I love the beach but I always feel the need to lose a few kilos which then starts feeding my ED again and I then start getting migranes whenever my weight gets too low. I am now back home in the cold and eating more yet still feeling like a nervous wreck afraid of weight gain. Does anyone else feel this exposure paranoia?
Mel
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23rd July 03, ADR c5/6
Also disc bulges c3/4 and 6/7. Numerous facet and nerve blocks along with extensive conservative treatment prior to surgery.

 
Old 08-04-2002, 07:33 PM   #2
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singingsmiles HB User
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I know how you feel! My friend had a pool party, and all of us were in bikinis but most of my friends are like STICKS with Flat stomachs! I felt so jealous! I wouldn't go anywhere w/o my towel around my stomach, or my arms around my stomach! It wasn't fun! You aren't alone!

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Old 08-05-2002, 12:21 AM   #3
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jen03 HB User
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Mel~
I know exactly how you feel! I always feel like I need to lose weight for summer cause I know that no matter how hard I try, I will have to wear a swimsuit. Just the thought of trying on swimsuits makes me sick! I am trying to overcome my fear by thinking of it this way. When you are at the beach you spend the whole time worrying about how you look right? Well, chances are, everyone else is worrying about how they look and paying no attention to how anyone else looks. I don't know if this helps at all, but I hope it might and I hope you're feeling better soon!
~Jen

 
Old 08-06-2002, 08:10 AM   #4
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youneeak HB User
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WELCOME BACK MEL!!

I'm sorry that you spent your vaca in Hawaii dealing with weight and starvation. But I know how you feel. I do this all the time. Only not only with the beach...(seeing as I live in midwest USA and there's not a beach for a gazillion miles, unfortunatly...) but I do this when I'm going to be seeing people I haven't seen in a while, or when I have to try on clothes, or of course when I go to weddings or parties...it's part of the ED, as I'm sure you are aware.

How are you doing now????? I know that you said you were back home but you're still fighting the urges that come along with a sneaky ED. Don't let it win! Mel, you're beautiful and don't need to lose weight. There are a million and one health consequences, and you're doing so well living your ED-recovery life. I know you can keep it up!!!

I'm thinking about you...let us know how you're feeling!!

NEVER GIVE UP
~sarah~

 
Old 08-07-2002, 07:35 AM   #5
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mel333 HB User
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Hi everyone,
Thanks Katie, Jen and Sarah for the support. It's amazing how the swimsuit thing can cause such a panic! and those horrible changeroom mirrors! I seem to have cellulite over my entire body when I look in those-scary!
Sarah, hope you are doing ok. Thankyou for what you said and you are right. I should try being more relaxed about things and I am usually ok apart from the beach trigger! and summer! This gets the ED going like crazy. I get really paranoid and think everyone is judging me unless I wear heaps of clothes. I am tall too so I stand out alot.
I did still have a good time and did lots of shopping which helps me eat less but spend more! great!. But ofcause now I'm back at work I'm eating alot and gaining weight. I have a dorito craving all the time.

I find once I lose some weight I just want to keep going and feel depressed and fat. It's amazing how easy it is to slide back to being an anxious mess. I do this quite a bit. But there are more times these days when food does not control me so I am getting better and slowly trying to care about myself more.

Mel
__________________
23rd July 03, ADR c5/6
Also disc bulges c3/4 and 6/7. Numerous facet and nerve blocks along with extensive conservative treatment prior to surgery.

 
Old 08-07-2002, 06:48 PM   #6
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youneeak HB User
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Mel,

I also find taht when I start to lose a little weight I freak out and get plunged back into depression and my ED. It's funny how the scale will say I'm 5 pounds lighter, but I'll look in the mirror and swear I look fat.

Hope you're doing better today, don't worry about the doritos cravings...I get them too, I looooooove doritos!!

NEVER GIVE UP
~sarah~

 
Old 08-08-2002, 09:37 AM   #7
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mel333 HB User
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Hi Sarah,
The ED and depression really seem to go together. I really feel like purging at the moment as I can't stop eating carbs. But I don't want to cause I know how bad I'll feel the next day. Sometimes I get to the point where it's either diet or purge. I am trying to do the in between healthy diet but it's really hard thinking of that extra fat! I am hanging in there so far.
Hope you are doing ok,
Mel
__________________
23rd July 03, ADR c5/6
Also disc bulges c3/4 and 6/7. Numerous facet and nerve blocks along with extensive conservative treatment prior to surgery.

 
Old 08-08-2002, 04:22 PM   #8
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youneeak HB User
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Hey Mel---just wanted to send you some happy thoughts and good luck! Beating an ED is hard...but you can do it! I know it!!

((((((((( MEL )))))))))))))

 
Old 08-14-2002, 08:48 AM   #9
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Pinkroses HB User
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Hi all,
Anyway I will be going to Hawaii in about 5 weeks for my honeymoon. My fiance said that he is going to make me get in a bathing suit and go on the beach no matter how I feel about how I look. I am always concerned with my weight. I am 5'5" and 113 lbs. I am either going up in weight or down. I have a bad habit of eating when I am bored. My fiance said that I am fine the way that I am but I feel otherwise. The highest I have been was 120 lbs and the lowest was 98 lbs. I just took my bikini out of the closet and I put it on the chair as a reminder that I am going to be wearing it in 5 weeks. I feel like I am in such a rush to get in shape. I feel like I am starving all day. I have very bad eating habits. All I do is drink slimfast for breakfast and lunch (no snacks) and I eat diet frozen dinners. Or sometimes I will have a salad with some chicken pieces for dinner.



[This message has been edited by Pinkroses (edited 08-14-2002).]

 
Old 08-14-2002, 08:29 PM   #10
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youneeak HB User
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Hi Pinkroses!!

Have you struggled with an ED, or are you struggling with an ED? Obviously your issues with food are deeper than they appear. You are NOT overweight! I'm sure your conscious tells you this until you look in the mirror. Your fiance sounds like he loves you very much. You're correct in saying that your eating habits aren't normal. Your body needs food to survive. Just remember this. Let us know how you're doing, and congrats on your upcoming wedding!!!!!!

NEVER GIVE UP
~sarah~

 
Old 08-16-2002, 05:21 AM   #11
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Pinkroses HB User
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Hi Sarah
Thank you for you kind words. I think I do have an eating order and I am trying to overcome it, but its such a hard habit to break. I have been like this for years. I will definitely keep you updated,
Take care

 
Old 08-17-2002, 09:03 AM   #12
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mel333 HB User
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Pinkroses,
Please focus on enjoying your honeymoon! and congratulations. I do understand how you feel having just been braving wearing a bikini in Hawaii. But just remember your husband likes you as you are and you won't enjoy the time together if you keep thinking about the bikini thing rather than just having a good time(much more important).Easier said than done I know, but we have to try.
I thought I was over my ED but silly things like the beach seem to bring it all back. Try to focus on eating healthy and it sounds like you do which is great. I find trying to be fit and healthy helps me enjoy holidays even if I completely freak out and am paranoid the first day. Also remember that everyone is a bit self conscious at the beach even those without ED's. Take care,
Mel
__________________
23rd July 03, ADR c5/6
Also disc bulges c3/4 and 6/7. Numerous facet and nerve blocks along with extensive conservative treatment prior to surgery.

 
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