My Heart is with all of you in these trying times. I never got to the appt with the Rheumy because I had a 102 fever the first time and a bulldozer could not make me get out of bed, the second appt was for Dec 1st and I did not get my new medical card in the mail yet. The mail comes late here and my appt was very early morn. Out of respect I gave the office a call and let them know I only had my card from the month before and they said I would have to reschedule. Then she said looks like you cancelled once before and I said oh yes I was so sick, she goes on to say that I will have to find another Doctor because I cancelled twice. I tried to explain about the card but she wouldn't budge. I even told her she could call medicaire and they will tell them I am current, but she said she doesn't have time to make all those calls for people. That it was my responsibility to make an appt when knew I would have the card. Who would guess the card would come late. If it is a weekend it usually gets here before the 1st but it did not this time. Well I told her she can go shove it because there are plenty other MDs that are not so rude and I would not care to see your face, for the way you treat people. Then I hung up. I was really devastated in a way but actually grateful in another because I felt really weak that day and did not know how I was going to get dressed all alone or even wash my hair as my neighbor had gone for a few days to Oregon. I get so darned depressed that I cannot even brush my own hair most of the time, and my hair is long, down to the middle of my back. I am afraid I will have to cut it.
My Regular Bone MD said to hold off cutting it because it was so beautiful and that something can be arranged to find a way to get it taken care of. He is such a sweetie. He is about 15 years younger than me and so polite when he wants to be, But sometimes he can be a stickler for things. I am lucky that he finally got the message that I needed stronger meds because when I went to the Oncologist I was in such bad sheape he made me go to the ER and have my meds raised and got me 2 shots of Dilaudid .Now I get 30 mgs for breakthrough pain instead of 10 mgs, and enough for 4 a day instead of 1 a day.It has made a difference.
I am lately having trouble breathing. My lungs feel wet, and it is hard to breathe some times. I find myself gasping for air, and cannot swallow sometime no matter how I try. Whats that all about???
I did not mean to write a book here sorry, but I do not know how to get these feelings out. I have been so sad lately and do not even know why. I cry at the drop of a hat. And No, I already went through menapause LOL! Had hysterectomy for cancer when I was 25 in the 70s. Went through the "I'm a faucet...watch me drip!" syndrome a few years ago. I was lucky(was I) to have been able to keep my ovaries and still went through that part. Sheesh...I was like a fountain...stick an urn in my hands and if I stood there people would throw coins at my feet LOLOL!>!!
My best friend...my roommate, is having health problems. He does 95% of everything around here. Poor guy it keeps him so busy. But he rarely complains and we Love each other as if were Brother and Sister. We had a Romantic relationship for a while, but I don't know, it just did not feel right so that stopped. We have seperate bedrooms. We have talked about it and he feels that it is better to be here with me without the romance, than not have me here at all. Now thats not something you hear very often and I am blessed for having him. But I am so scared. He has not been well and has a disease called Sarcoidosis and I am so terrorfied to lose him. Now look what I went and did, damn tears...another water faucet lately...
I just wish I could do more. I used to cook all the time and always had his lunch ready to take to work...now it is maybe 3 times a month that I have enough energy to cook. He does not cook so I do not eat often. He loves (UGH) Peanut butter sandwiches and lives on the darn things. I wish it were easier for me to do more for him.
Well...I have not been able to drive for over 2 years now and my car is rotting away in the driveway. The rain in WA causes mold to eat cars alive.
Only 70 thousand miles on it. I have just about lost all my independence and it really inhales rapidly.(s*cks)
I had better get off this depressive note because all of you sure have enough on your plates, and don't need to hear me whine and groan LOL! You know that saying...you want some whine with your cheese?!
Now thats funny LOL!
On that note...I wish all of you the most Joy filled Holidays ever...and may God Bless and Keep you all safe..
"Above All Do No Harm"...Lovingly...Jessica/kovena