Prince31

Hi,

I am not sure where to start, but figured a fertility issue board would be a genuine start. First, to explain my health situation, I have been diagnosed with PCOS and endometriosis. I was told a few years ago by a fertility specialist that I would need assistance through my doctor for conception. He felt I wasn’t ovulating properly. He also brought up the issue of a donor since I wasn’t in a relationship at that point. Especially because the women in my family started menopause at the ages of 36 and 34, he said I would likely start menopause in my early thirties as well so I didn’t have that long of a biological clock!

Well, this brings me to my main issue. Absolutely gut wrenching to me. It was at that point in time when the doctor mentioned finding a donor, that I asked my best friend of almost 2 decades if he would be willing. He was single at the time and agreed. This was 4 years ago. Over the years, we kept up with the discussion and planning for when the time was appropriate. He always told me he would do this for me. He went as far as discussing it with my family members as well. One would think that showed some sincerity. Well, last year he met someone. Someone who I feel is a horrible influence on him. So much so, his own family feels that he has changed in several ways as a result of the relationship. Anyway, I digress. A few months ago, my doctor spoke with me again about the donor issue. My doctor stated that she really couldn’t give me more than 24 months before we needed to seriously discuss a hysterectomy. She asked if I had a “back up plan”, meaning sperm donor, and I said yes...I have had one for a couple of years. Well, I came home and immediately discussed the conversation I just had with my friend. I told him all that she said and asked him “since you are now in a relationship, do you feel I should look else where for a sperm donor or are you still willing?” He said without a doubt for me NOT to look else where and that Yes, he still wanted to do this for me. Nothing would make him happier according to him.

Well, last week, I get the dreaded phone call!! He and his girlfriend of just a couple months are expecting! “I am so excited” he had the nerve to say to me. I literally had to put the phone down for a minute and walk away! I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me! I can not believe he didn’t take the necessary precautions to prevent this knowing the commitment he made to me! He wasted so much of my time lulling me into false sense of security! Now that it’s crunch time, I have nobody else to turn to! Nobody! I can’t even begin to forgive him for this! I had a long talk with him and told him exactly how I felt, but he is so self absorbed with this girlfriend of his, he has no concept of the gravity of pain he has caused. He has broken a commitment to me that he had for years and took something away from me that WE planned for years. He isn’t the least bit sorry for what this means to me either.

Am I wrong for being so distraught? I can’t even fathom the idea of forgiving him. Two decades of friendship feels destroyed in one foul swoop! What would any of you do who was depending so much on someone and they so insensitively sacrificed a huge commitment they made to you? What do I do?