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Old 11-27-2003, 04:14 PM   #1
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MissEnlightened HB User
Unhappy Flashbacks from Childhood

Hello,

I am an 18 year old female that is afraid of physical closeness from anyone. I see a psychiatrist and have dreams of friendly alien beings and flashbacks from when I was 5 with my uncle's way of 'loving' me. I am beginning to think that I have been sexually abused, and that I could have post traumatic stress disorder. But why would I start remembering these memories now? When anyone wants to hug me I freak out and want to cry.....I don't know why....it's not like they are going to hurt me.

any responses would be greatly appreciated

 
Old 11-27-2003, 07:42 PM   #2
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Re: Flashbacks from Childhood

Hey,Miss Enlightened,if you are remembering(flashbacks) sexual abuse ,you were probably abused. Does your psychiatrist think you have been abused?You mentioned having dreams of friendly alein beings,this could be a coping mechanisim...a way of dealing w/ the abuse.Why are you having freakouts when people touch you now?Because you are 18 and you are blossoming, sexually,so to speak.So now, you are more aware of your body than ever,and other peoples bodies too.It can be overwhelming to say the least,when you have conflicting feelings about your own body and sexuality ,mixed up with memories of possible abuse.I have a good friend who was abused by her dad when she was 7-10ish, she took him to court and put him away for years.I met her when she was 17,I witnessed a few MAJOR freakouts when someone touched her,not necessarily in a sexually suggestive way.Long story short:she is 36 now,has healed herself through counselling for PTSD and alot of support from family and friends,and is living life to the fullest,at the top of her field in her career and in a loving, long term relationship for 7-8 years.Miss Enlightened,good luck ......when you look in the mirror,may you see love looking back at you.

 
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Old 11-28-2003, 11:14 AM   #3
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Re: Flashbacks from Childhood

Hi,zebra1. Well I haven't really told my psychiatriast, I am planning to though. But I don't know how to bring up the topic. I don't like talking about it because I get really really nervous, and I get grossed out. I never want to think about getting married or having kids......all of it grosses me out. Even some of my friends think it's weird that I'm a normal 18 year old and I don't want to get my freak on. I mean I still watch the Disney Channel for peats sake! Then there is a possibility that I'm just immature, and my mind is playing tricks on me. Is it always that something had to happen to someone for the reason behind there behaviors? What if I am just someone extremely sensitve to touch?
I'm happy for your friend! Did she decide to tell someone when she was 17?

 
Old 11-28-2003, 09:16 PM   #4
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Re: Flashbacks from Childhood

My friend told her mom when she was 11,she took him to court then.I do not think it is "normal," for 18 year olds to be getting their "freak on." It is ''normal,'' to have many interests in life .......I believe being too focused on sex is not necessarily the best thing a young girl could do with her life.But ,hormones and boys are a reality a girl can't deny.At this stage in your life you are becoming aware of yourself more than ever;who you are, what your morals and beliefs are and what they really mean to you,how your relationships w/people affect you,etc...go easy on yourself,take it day by day .Miss Enlightened you could just be extremely sensitive to touch or just playing tricks on yourself ,as you put it,but it seems a little unlikely if you remember stuff w/ your uncle going on.You mention feeling grossed out when you thought about it or about getting married ,etc...I just have to say this....sexual abuse IS gross,and sex is not gross but rather the disgusting abuser is.That's my 2 cents.

 
Old 11-29-2003, 10:34 AM   #5
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Re: Flashbacks from Childhood

zebra1, if my mind is not playing tricks on me and I really was sexually abused.........what do I do? Where do I go from here? My Uncle lives in another state and I haven't seen him for 7 years.(Thankfully) And I can't even imagine telling my parents! I might be brave enough to tell my psychiatrist, she might be the only one I feel comfortable enough telling. In my dreams of Alien beings........I wasn't abducted or anything.......all it did was communicate to me.......and sometimes I believe that I met another intelligent being....and that the alien experience doesn't have anything to do with my child abuse. My question is how many people who have been sexually abused talk about meeting aliens?

 
Old 11-29-2003, 01:23 PM   #6
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Re: Flashbacks from Childhood

Your question,"how do I tell my psych.,or parents about this abuse," I want to know how you can possibly keep it to yourself,in other words how do you NOT tell someone about this ?I cannot imagine living w/ such a secret,talk about putting pressure on yourself.You should not have to handle this on your own.As for the alien question,I really have no idea how many people w/abuse in their history talk about meeting/talking w/ aliens?I still maintain that this(alien conversation)) is a by-product of your psyche trying to handle the abuse or cope w/ it.People come up w/ millions of ways to block out traumatic and painful abuse,the possiblities are endless.It is more than a coping mechanism Miss Enlightened ,it is a survival instinct,to block out what we can't handle at the time.Maybe you are ready to see/face things now,in a nutshell, this is probably why this stuff is coming up now,YOU ARE READY TO BEGIN DEALING w/this stuff,at your own pace.Your question about what to do,about your uncle,etc...only you have the answers to that .If you feel you do not have the answers to your own questions now ,well,give it time.Talk to your psych., isn't that what you are seeing her for?Sometimes, something happens to a person when they talk about things they were afraid of mentioning before.Talking about things that have happened to you(imprisoned you in a way) and things you have done in life, can really EMPOWER a person.You learn to OWN the experiences that life has given you,and you become stronger for it.You need to realize that you are not to blame(if you were abused),and that there is nothing shameful in talking about what might have happened to you.I don't want to scare you but what if he did abuse you,and what if he does it to someone else?If your uncle did abuse you,he is a very sick man and you need to tell your parents and your psych.,so that he can be helped / STOPPED from doing this to anyone else.Miss Enlightened ,when you look in the mirror,may you see love looking back at you.

Last edited by zebra1; 11-29-2003 at 01:30 PM.

 
Old 11-29-2003, 03:17 PM   #7
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Re: Flashbacks from Childhood

::deep breath::: wow.....zebra1 thank you so much! First, I'm going to write everthing down that I'm thinking...or any questions I have......then I'm going to tell my psychi. I see her because of depression and AD/HD.....and maybe this abuse could be the reason I'm depressed. Ever since I could remember I have always been really really timid and shy but not depressed. But this 2003 year I just about hit rock bottom. I have told my best friend some of what happened, and she was sexaully abused too. But still telling an adult and putting light on this dark secret is really really scary. My hands are clamy just typing this post! Do you think that schools are trained and stuff to identify people like me? Because it seems like schools really don't care if you are an emotional wreck.

 
Old 11-30-2003, 03:55 PM   #8
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Re: Flashbacks from Childhood

Hey,Miss Enlightened,I don't know what the school system is like where you are from but,here in bc ,canada,the school system is not designed to adequately deal with childhood abuse.All you can hope for is a teacher or a school counsellor that is really concerned and dedicated to the kids in their classroom.It also depends on what type of school you go to.I was lucky to go to a Montessuri(not spelt correctly) type of school for the first 3-4 grades.The classroom size is smaller,teachers had aides and we had more one on one learning environment.We also focused on the things we were interested in,and studied them indepthly;it makes a closer classroom environment,you interact with each other more.So, students that were having "trouble," be it in class or outside of class, were easily identified ,and focused on.Then my luck changed in grade 5,I ended up in a more traditional style school,heaven forbid you speak unless asked to,essentially.The larger the school ,the more likely there will be a large class size and some students will not get the attention they need from the teacher.Plus,teachers are usually too busy to have time to deal with all their students issues.Unfortunately,one of the most important jobs,educating youth,is the most overworked,underpaid,and undervalued.Good luck with your psych.,don't worry she is trained to deal with this type of issue.

 
Old 11-30-2003, 06:29 PM   #9
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Re: Flashbacks from Childhood

You said that you have been shy most of your life. Shyness is largely genetic.

People with ADHD often do not like being touched. My daughter is ADHD and found touch to be very distressing when she was a child. I used to have nightmares about being touched when I was a child. My brother has also found the sensation of touch to be very unpleasant.

I had daydreams about aliens when I was your age and younger.

Even if you were sexually abused as a child, it doesn't necessarily mean that it is the reason for your present difficulties.

There are many therapies and therapists out there that might not be good for you. Never blindly trust a therapist. Just because they are trained does not mean that they know what is true for you or what is best for you.

Be especially careful of 'trauma' therapists who often will want to explain every difficulty in the present by trauma in the past. Many professionals do not agree with this approach and it can be very damaging for the client.

Last edited by rainonwindow; 11-30-2003 at 06:38 PM.

 
Old 12-06-2003, 03:08 PM   #10
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Re: Flashbacks from Childhood

Yo, Miss Enlightened are you hangin' in there?I hope you are well.

 
Old 12-11-2003, 05:27 PM   #11
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Re: Flashbacks from Childhood

Hey, I'm still here...hehe! Okay here is the situation: I've been skipping my first period class for like weeks.......because I'm afraid. And my principal has called me into his office many times and asks me loads of questions......I told him about my 'dreams' of aliens and how I believe they are all around me. He just stared at me and asked me if anyone has abused me and I could NOT look him in the eye.....I like started tearing up.......but I sucked it in......Wanna know what I said!!?? I said 'no'. Whats' wrong with me!!!!!!!?? He was soo close with getting me to break my silence.....but I closed my shell up once again! I think he knows 'something' causes me to do the things I do...........I don't know if I can trust people at school.......besides what can they do if I tell them anyways? Also, I haven't had a psychi appointment yet.....so maybe I can force myself to tell....ahhhhh! This is seriously VERY mentally exhausting..........I sleep sooo much and cry when I listen to Christina Aguilera's CD. Sorry this is so long.....

-MissEnlightened

 
Old 12-11-2003, 07:04 PM   #12
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~LoneFoal~ HB User
Re: Flashbacks from Childhood

can sexual abuse be non physical? Just asking for my own advise....... I think my whole life has been one big PTSD chaos..........tho i dont know......would hypnosis help in this dilema?

 
Old 12-12-2003, 03:27 PM   #13
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MissEnlightened HB User
Re: Flashbacks from Childhood

Quote:
Originally Posted by ~LoneFoal~
can sexual abuse be non physical? Just asking for my own advise....... I think my whole life has been one big PTSD chaos..........tho i dont know......would hypnosis help in this dilema?

Yes I think it can be......like talking about sexual stuff or seeing images is still classified as sexual abuse....and the abuser has to be 5 years older than you to be classified as abuse. I'm beginning to think my life is 'one big PTSD chaos' too. The more I learn about it the more my behaviors and reactions are making sense.........I am having a depression relapse......I'm finding the roots to why I'm depressed all the time....my discovery of PTSD is beginning to untangle the knot. I don't know if hypnosis will 'help' your dilema, but it might put the light on the mind's metaphoric way to surface something that is hurting you very badly.

 
Old 12-12-2003, 07:50 PM   #14
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Re: Flashbacks from Childhood

Hey MissEnlightened,Good to hear yer surviving!!Sounds like trouble is brewin' in your world.........take it easy on yourself .I think your principle probobly knows something unusual is going on with you,whether you said ,"yes, I was abused ,"or not, doesn't really matter ,he has the ability to read people as well as anyone else can.As a member of the community and the principle of your school , you could probably trust him?That is a decision only you can make.Don't keep on dragging yourself through the memories,etc...go see your psychologist or psychiatrist.A trained professional(do the research,talk to former patients,etc..find a good doc.) will help you sort out the fear/confusion/sadness you are going through right now.Just be honest with whomever you chose to work with,they cannot help you without the whole picture.As for the non-physical sexual abuse question....I personally don't know much about this area of sexual abuse,but,if emotional abuse is non-physical then it is easy to see how sexual abuse could be non-physical also.For instance,a smelly old uncle(yeah it's cliche) walking around naked and suggestive in a sexual way around nieces or nephews in his care,etc.....disgusting.Anyway,be good to yourself, and when you look in the mirror ,may you see love looking back .Keep in touch.

 
Old 06-04-2004, 10:20 PM   #15
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Re: Flashbacks from Childhood

Miss Enlightened,

As far as I know your dreams about aliens are what's called a "Screen Memory."
This is one that is more acceptable to your concious mind than what really could have happened ie:Sexual abuse.
I was abused from ages 3-8 and have had flashbacks and memories return in all sorts of ways.
I think the best option is to keep seeing your therapist and being honest to yourself. It wasn't your fault if you were abused and don't feel dirty or bad for it!
Take care and good luck...........I think it's horrible how something like this can change a life as I have a daughter myself now and can't see how anyone could do to her what was done to me. I can also see how it would break up her mind if it happened and can understand more about myself now because I give her 100% perfect care and love.......something I never had.

Hugs, Sam

 
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