Flashbacks from Childhood - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Message Board

MissEnlightened · 11-27-2003, 05:14 PM

Hello,

I am an 18 year old female that is afraid of physical closeness from anyone. I see a psychiatrist and have dreams of friendly alien beings and flashbacks from when I was 5 with my uncle's way of 'loving' me. I am beginning to think that I have been sexually abused, and that I could have post traumatic stress disorder. But why would I start remembering these memories now?

When anyone wants to hug me I freak out and want to cry.....I don't know why....it's not like they are going to hurt me.

any responses would be greatly appreciated

zebra1 · 11-27-2003, 08:42 PM

Hey,Miss Enlightened,if you are remembering(flashbacks) sexual abuse ,you were probably abused. Does your psychiatrist think you have been abused?You mentioned having dreams of friendly alein beings,this could be a coping mechanisim...a way of dealing w/ the abuse.Why are you having freakouts when people touch you now?Because you are 18 and you are blossoming, sexually,so to speak.So now, you are more aware of your body than ever,and other peoples bodies too.It can be overwhelming to say the least,when you have conflicting feelings about your own body and sexuality ,mixed up with memories of possible abuse.I have a good friend who was abused by her dad when she was 7-10ish, she took him to court and put him away for years.I met her when she was 17,I witnessed a few MAJOR freakouts when someone touched her,not necessarily in a sexually suggestive way.Long story short:she is 36 now,has healed herself through counselling for PTSD and alot of support from family and friends,and is living life to the fullest,at the top of her field in her career and in a loving, long term relationship for 7-8 years.Miss Enlightened,good luck ......when you look in the mirror,may you see love looking back at you.

MissEnlightened · 11-28-2003, 12:14 PM

Hi,zebra1. Well I haven't really told my psychiatriast, I am planning to though. But I don't know how to bring up the topic. I don't like talking about it because I get really really nervous, and I get grossed out. I never want to think about getting married or having kids......all of it grosses me out. Even some of my friends think it's weird that I'm a normal 18 year old and I don't want to get my freak on. I mean I still watch the Disney Channel for peats sake! Then there is a possibility that I'm just immature, and my mind is playing tricks on me. Is it always that something had to happen to someone for the reason behind there behaviors? What if I am just someone extremely sensitve to touch?
I'm happy for your friend! Did she decide to tell someone when she was 17?

zebra1 · 11-28-2003, 10:16 PM

My friend told her mom when she was 11,she took him to court then.I do not think it is "normal," for 18 year olds to be getting their "freak on." It is ''normal,'' to have many interests in life .......I believe being too focused on sex is not necessarily the best thing a young girl could do with her life.But ,hormones and boys are a reality a girl can't deny.At this stage in your life you are becoming aware of yourself more than ever;who you are, what your morals and beliefs are and what they really mean to you,how your relationships w/people affect you,etc...go easy on yourself,take it day by day .Miss Enlightened you could just be extremely sensitive to touch or just playing tricks on yourself ,as you put it,but it seems a little unlikely if you remember stuff w/ your uncle going on.You mention feeling grossed out when you thought about it or about getting married ,etc...I just have to say this....sexual abuse IS gross,and sex is not gross but rather the disgusting abuser is.That's my 2 cents.

MissEnlightened · 11-29-2003, 11:34 AM

zebra1, if my mind is not playing tricks on me and I really was sexually abused.........what do I do? Where do I go from here? My Uncle lives in another state and I haven't seen him for 7 years.(Thankfully) And I can't even imagine telling my parents! I might be brave enough to tell my psychiatrist, she might be the only one I feel comfortable enough telling. In my dreams of Alien beings........I wasn't abducted or anything.......all it did was communicate to me.......and sometimes I believe that I met another intelligent being....and that the alien experience doesn't have anything to do with my child abuse. My question is how many people who have been sexually abused talk about meeting aliens?