Sorry it's so long, I just feel like I can or have to talk to others with this.
I'm going to tell about what I have happen to me in my life. I want honest opinions. Answer these at the end of my story.
I 1990 while I was just 9 days past my 20th birthday. I was living at home w/ parents because of college. One Saturday morning I woke to find my father dead in our den or a drug overdose. I lost my mind for a good couple of months. After this things got little. My brain told me and the dr that I have Obssessive Compulsive Disorder. I would have daily thoughts of him and when I would try to sleep, I kep seeing my dad's dead body in front of my face. I have been trying to deal with this the best I can. His death is coming up to year 14. I still have what I call "Not normal" feelings about the situation.
Okay, I work as a police officer. I was on my way to an emergency call. I had my lights and siren on. I was traveling on a state hwy. The truck in front of me pulled over but a car traveling towards me on the other side of the highway saw the truck pull over. The lady in the car sees the truck pulled over, so she just says to herself "that's my son parked over there so I'm going to make an illegal "u" turn to get over there by him.
All fine and dandy but what she didn't see or hear was my sqaud car but was visible 380 degree police flashing blue and red lights. And unheard was the 380 decibal police siren as it wailed and wailed
To make a long story short I t-boned her car and I went up into a bluff. I was told by the investigators that if my car had hit where i hit at an angle, I would have been dead or very seriuously hurt. To this day when I have to put those lights on and the siren on. I start to shake and hyperventilate. Although my job needs me to get to the scene but now I drive slower and I'll be truthfull I'm scared of all the other driver's out there.
i cannot imagine the impact/effect that finding your father in such a manner, at such a young age, would/could have on someone...and no one can say, "i know how you feel", because they cant. i will just say that i sincerely empathize with you.
i can relate to the experiences of being a police officer, as i worked in law enforcement for about 10 yrs (military police, patrol ofc, detective).
the area where i live doesnt have many homicides...but two in particular "stand out" in my mind. i wont go into all the details, but the first one was when i was not even on the job for a year. it was a domestic...and the boyfriend had shot his girlfriend and their 13month old baby in the head, then he went home and shot himself in the head. upon arriving at the scene, i realized that i knew the dead woman...i had gone to school with her, and worked at a job with her for several years prior to joining the army.
the other one happened the very first day i became a detective...it was a double homicide. the bodies had been in the apartment about a week (in august).
one had approx. 80 stab wounds, the other, about 40.
its just amazing how when you are "working" the case, you just dont even think about in a "personal sense", you know you have a job to do...and it must be done well. but later on...after its all over and you can sit and think about it...it really hits you. how can people do such things to others?
im not in police work anymore (not because of the aforementioned incidents). but i was disabled at the job i had after i was a police ofc...and due to the disability i became severly depressed.
are you still in police work...do you need to take any medications? (just wondering how you deal with all thats going on)...cause it sure can get overwhelming, but i dont need to tell you that.
Hi Inyo, thanks for replying. Yes I'm still a officer. Going on 9 years in this line of work.
Yes I take meds for depression and I also have Obssesive Compulsive Disorder. Luckily for me I have a wonderful family to help me through everything that goes on. I'm also going to be seeing a therapist for the PTSD.
Where were you stationed? Did you only work as a MP or did you also work for a dept.?
its good to hear that your family is very supportive of you and your situation.
that is so very important. i wish i could say the same (actually, some are more supportive than others).
i was an MP in the army and a police ofc in two different civivlian depts...while in the army i was stationed in
for carson, colorado.
both very beautiful places that i really enjoyed. in fact i met my wife while in colorado. when i got out of the army we (her and her son, who was 3 at the time) moved back to maryland (where im from). i often wish we would have stayed in colorado...i really love it out west, its such a beautiful, tranquil place, and people live at a much more relaxed "pace".
i dont ever regret being in police work, but i dont miss it...i just got tired of all the legalistic confrontationalsim, and the ineffectiveness/ lack of "equal standards" with the "system". but it was very good experience...and i did enjoy dealing with the wide variety of people you come into contact with.
sorry to hear you have crohn's...i was just recently diagnosed with hypothyroidism, hashimoto's thyroiditis, chronic fatigue, and very low testosterone levels (this is on top of my thoracic outlet syndrome, chronic pain, depression).
life certainly is an "interesting" journey...wouldnt you agree?