| | not sure...
I dont know exactly what PTS is... but I have a general idea.
I do suffer tremendusly (sp?) from stress and anxiety ever since my I found my b/f after he had commited suicide 3 years ago. I am extreamly nervous and have such anxieties that I cant really be around new people without just sinking into a quiet little hole (I think this is caused a lot by shame, I dont want people to know anything and Im scared that they do and are judging me)
Also the relationship I was in before that one was a very abusive one that lasted about 2 years, lots of screaming, choking, threatening and a LOT of forced sex and other sexual things as well, not just penetration. I lost my virginity to rape at the age of 16.
I have been to my fair share of therapy and counseling of all kinds! But other than sticking me on meds they havent really done too much for me. (I dont take any medications right now though)
My anxiety isnt TOO bad and Im not depressed anymore, Im very functional infact and moving on with my life well!
Anyways, I have been with the man I'm with now for almost 2 years now. He is a wonderful wonderful person and always there for me and a great provider. He bought me a house to live in and for once in my life i feel SAFE with someone and I feel TRUST.
For about the past 6 months though somthing has started happening that I just dont understand, nor do I enjoy. Every time we have sex I cry. And cry, and cry and cry ...
NOt just a bit weepy, but a full out bawling, I mean, wake the neighbours, sound the alarms kind of crying.
It makes him feel bad and it makes me feel TERRIBLE!!! To the point where I do not want to make love and while of course he does... he doesnt push and stuff because he knows what happens after. Of course we still do... but everytime after this happens!
I posted this somewhere else and every one just said "o, its because you are so happy, you are crying tears of joy!"
no, no that isnt it. I have annalized this crying and it is not joy. It is a very overwhelming feeling of scared and sad and confused.
Is this somthing that would occure with PTSD? And if so, how do you make it stop? Therapy?
Im also confused why I never had this problem until only a few months ago! Its not like the sex has changed at all! Its just lately and i dont know why it would strike up now when things seem to be getting better every day!
Anyone ever experiance that?
The question is not, Can they reason? nor Can they talk? but, Can they suffer?