Hi all,
I was diagnosed with PTSD. About 5 months ago while driving to work, I drove up on to an accident scene where 8 people were ejected from a van onto the highway. I got out and helped some people. I talked about it to a few people afterwards, and sometimes I would think about it, but I just put it out of my head. For a while I wasn't sure if it really happened, or I would try to try to tell myself it wasn't that bad.
After the Madrid terrorist attack, I thought about it randomly and it makes me cry. I was in the shower one morning and I could hear the woman I was helping that day moan. I felt like I was right back in the road.
Now that I am in therapy, my therapist and I are trying to discover what emotions I felt at the time of the accident, so I can "reframe" it and not have it be so traumatic. But I can't remember what I felt, really. I felt like I went on auto pilot almost as soon as I pulled over my car. I know it was a gruesome scene, and I grabbed my stomach when I saw some injured people, but after that I went into "help mode".
For anyone who has gone through the PTSD healing and couldn't remember your emotions, how did you get in touch with them?
There is a reason why you cannot recover some memories ect, when you are ready they will surface, the more you try and push it the further you will be pushing them back, they will come in time, when you are ready to deal with it.
It takes time, what you went through didn't happen to long ago, it will take awhile, being in therapy is definatly a good thing, it will help you...takes time , hang in there it does get better.
Now that i've dealt with the stuff that has happened to me I'm so much better. There are some things that I don't remember fully, but I know they will occur when I am ready to deal with them. I do get flashbacks in body memories sometimes and believe it or not that is a part of healing.... rarely get flashbacks now, they come sometimes when i'm triggered but it's rare, my nightmares are pretty much gone, I haven't had a nightmare in many months... I no longer fear name, or a touch.. It's a wonderful feeling... you will get there, it took me 7 yrs, it takes time to heal, but you will get there.
hi almost there: My understanding is that you will be able to remember the emotions when your brain/psyche can handle it. Remembering those particular emotions too soon could cause more damage. I've been through a lot of therapy in the past 20 years, and I had to begin with just remembering what had happened to me. About a year ago, I went back into therapy with a woman who specialized in something called ERMD (I think), which involves putting the patient into a near hypnotic state. I'm explaining this rather badly, I'm afraid. I would have a memory, or just some sort of reaction to something she said, and we would immediately stop the conversation while she moved her hand back and forth in front of my eyes, gradually faster. Then she would have me take a deep breath, and she would ask what was coming up for me. She would take me, step by step, through the memory until I could recall everything. Problem is, there were some things I just wasn't ready to remember, though its been 28 years since I was abused. I then read studies that said this type of treatment is effective for people with certain types of anxiety disorders, but not usually good for PTSD (it wasn't a failure on her part...I went to her with symptoms of anxiety that I thought were not connected to PTSD. Never doctor yourself!LOL) . I'm now with a different doctor and have a much more effective treatment plan.
My point after this long (sorry) post is this: remembering too fast what your brain can't handle can cause additional trauma. You said yourself you went into "help mode." Chances are, your brain couldn't even handle feeling anything then, much less now. I'm just so impressed you were able to help.
Good luck!
