VolcomPat

A few weeks ago I was involved in a car accident. I was going about 40 MPH and i drifted my attention away from the road for a second only to hit the person in front of me full on. Neither of us were hurt, but I can't stop thinking about it. In addition, I have a few speeding tickets, which increases my anxiety because I'm deathly afraid of insurance rates. I have a swirling of emotions, including guilt, regret, anger towards myself, hopelessness, and fear. I'm so ashamed of myself, even though I know it was just an accident. I haven't been able to eat like I used to. Sometimes I hardly eat at all. I wake up a few times in the middle of the night. From this one incident, other fears have come out, like the insurance, but I know this isn't about insurance. If I just got tickets and the tickets raised the insurance, I'd be fine. In fact, I have gotten tickets in the past and it hardly phased me. The throwing in of the accident has intensified it. I'm also afraid to get behind the wheel. I'll have a new car in a few days (my old one was totaled, crushed like a bug.), but I'm afraid to drive it. I don't wanna go by the crash site, or wear the shirt I bought that day, or watch the movie I bought that day (i was coming from the mall), or even wear the outfit I wore that day. I don't listen to the CD I was listening to when I had the accident. I'm beginning to hate going into my job because everytime I try to get support from my co workers, they just make me feel worse. I can't stop harping on this. I jump from one emotion to another. I try to forget about it, but I can't. I've made up insane senarios, such as me having to drop out of college because I can't afford insuance, which I know rationally won't happen. I need some support. I've stopped doing a lot of the things I used to love. I have no energy anymore, and all I wanna do it lie around. Thank you for reading this.