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Old 07-12-2004, 10:27 AM   #1
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Pfunk

Is it uncommon for someone who has been raped to throw up after engaging in consensual intercourse with a new partner for the first time?

 
Old 07-13-2004, 12:34 AM   #2
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Re: Pfunk

I can't say there is any "normal" way to react after being raped. A lot depends on the person. I was raped in high school and did throw-up once after sex. I would also freak out sometimes during or right after. I would try to hide it, but it was a horrible feeling. If this is happening to you or someone you care about, I would talk to someone who deals w/rape issues. It took me a very long time to get over it. Today, I find strength in not putting myself in situtions that I don't feel safe. Protecting and Respecting my body! One day I just got so mad at the thought that I wasn't enjoying the act of making love as much as I felt I should, and I took back, what was taken from me. Good Luck

 
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Old 07-13-2004, 01:29 PM   #3
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pfunk HB User
Re: Pfunk

Quote:
Originally Posted by crazykatlady
I can't say there is any "normal" way to react after being raped. A lot depends on the person. I was raped in high school and did throw-up once after sex. I would also freak out sometimes during or right after. I would try to hide it, but it was a horrible feeling. If this is happening to you or someone you care about, I would talk to someone who deals w/rape issues. It took me a very long time to get over it. Today, I find strength in not putting myself in situtions that I don't feel safe. Protecting and Respecting my body! One day I just got so mad at the thought that I wasn't enjoying the act of making love as much as I felt I should, and I took back, what was taken from me. Good Luck
Actually, please read my second post under nightmares and things to see why I can't really go back to counseling.

 
Old 07-13-2004, 01:30 PM   #4
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pfunk HB User
Re: Pfunk

I don't know if that posted, but I wanted to say to read my second post under Nightmares and Things to see why I would not really be willing to go back to counseling.

 
Old 07-13-2004, 02:00 PM   #5
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Re: Pfunk

B/C the last person you went to was so subpar? Are there any others in your town? Or better yet a psychiatrist. I really do understand! I've been to both good and bad ones.

I had "flashes" for years, and other side effects that I didn't even realize could be stopped. I finally went on medication, join Al-Anon(seperate issues), and found a psychiatrist I liked( I won't say trust...yet.) and it has helped. I still have a LONG way to go, but if you want to talk..I'm here...and so are a bunch of other people who care!

 
Old 07-13-2004, 03:36 PM   #6
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pfunk HB User
Re: Pfunk

Quote:
Originally Posted by crazykatlady
B/C the last person you went to was so subpar? Are there any others in your town? Or better yet a psychiatrist. I really do understand! I've been to both good and bad ones.

I had "flashes" for years, and other side effects that I didn't even realize could be stopped. I finally went on medication, join Al-Anon(seperate issues), and found a psychiatrist I liked( I won't say trust...yet.) and it has helped. I still have a LONG way to go, but if you want to talk..I'm here...and so are a bunch of other people who care!
I hate the word issues, no offense. I cannot stand that people use the word issues, issues are to be discussed....these are all problems which MUST be SOLVED. I am so sick of buzzwords!!! When is that word going to be OVER!!!

Anyhow, I cannot imagine how I could go into counseling without having support from friends and family, which I do not have. I have absolutely no one. The only person I had left me because this happened and refuses to even look at me if we happen to be in the same vicinity.

 
Old 07-13-2004, 07:10 PM   #7
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Re: Pfunk

no offense taken. If I accidentally use it again, please understand physiological agony is too long to type out.

May I ask...do you want to start counseling?

 
Old 07-13-2004, 07:48 PM   #8
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pfunk HB User
Re: Pfunk

Its okay if you use it again.

I would but I don't have anyone to support me and go with me and there is no way in hell that I would ever go by myself...at least at first.

 
Old 07-13-2004, 08:38 PM   #9
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pfunk HB User
Re: Pfunk

I also wanted to mention that I also distrust mental health professionals because I was recently talking to a woman who had a degree in psychology who said that if I had not remembered the abuse until later it didn't actually happen.

 
Old 07-13-2004, 10:44 PM   #10
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Re: Pfunk

I understand your distrust. There are bad apples in every profession. If it tastes funny, spit it out. As for having a degree in psychology, that doesn't mean jack! My father has a degree in psychology! LOL! Rolling on the ground laughing! Hold on..yep! Still laughing. He is.. case in point, what not to do.
As for your feeling of not being able to go to counseling with out support, I can understand the feeling of being nervous about opening up to someone. I also understand the desire to have the support of family and friends! I spent years yerning for that..still do sometimes. But.. in the end I can't change them, I can only change me. When it hurts enough you'll go. In the mean time please feel free write. Your stronger than you think!!

 
Old 07-14-2004, 12:59 PM   #11
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Re: Pfunk

Hehe...I know. I told her that she was full of ****, but the thing is she insisted she was right and I was wrong and at such a young age where do I get off thinking I know everything and that I was too young to have any valid experience anyhow. So, I was like, I don't think that but I know that I didn't remember stuff until I was much older. Thus, she proceeded to tell me that I had to have multiple personalities and all this crap. Again I told her she was full of BS and she insisted she was correct.

I really hate people like that! What is wrong with them exactly?

 
Old 07-14-2004, 01:44 PM   #12
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Re: Pfunk

So many people use personal stuff against me when I divulge it--thus I am nervous not only about trusting a therapist but anyone even finding out that I would be going to one.

Things may have changed somewhat over time but many people attach a huge stigma to therapy...even though everyone needs a little bit.

 
Old 07-14-2004, 05:23 PM   #13
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Re: Pfunk

Well..you hit the nail on the head "What is wrong with them exactly". It REALLY is her problem. Everyones defenses work differently(even the woman you spoke with) and to make a general statement with out treating you and then insiting she was correct is perhaps a defense of her own. I've had to learn to NOT to get sucked into arguements with people like that. I HAS NOT been easy b/c I tend to look at not argueing as "losing" or "weak" but the truth is getting sucked in WAS/is "losing"(for me). I was letting someone else control my peace of mind, by getting upset. Now, I've learned to say "Well, that's your opinion and I'll think about it". Which I do..I think.."Wow...your loonier than me!"

Here's a little story- I have lived my life afraid of others people's opinion of me. I've always keep journals. In college a boyfriend red some pages. I was very embarresed and hurt. That stayed w/me even through it was never used againist me.

During a VERY DIFFICULT time, when I was very weak, my X-mother-in-law(who is so cruel it IS ABUSE!!) stole my journal, red it and then used it againist me. She said I wrote "I hated my husband and wasn't sure if I should stay with him." She said this at my Father-in-laws funeral(who both my husband & I love deeply-He died unexpectedly on my 30th B-day). This was a woman I hide every weakness I had, in fear of her using it to hurt me! And there she was, screaming my secret thoughts..using my own words to hurt me and the man I loved-her son. My fear had come true!!!
This is the part that AMAZED me. I didn't fall apart! I told her "YES! I wrote that and much more, because that IS how I felt at that very min. I write my feeling down, rather than blurt them out and say things I DON'T mean which can hurt people that I REALLY do love. I get it out of my system look back at what I've written and try to learn what I'm really upset about and if it's just me throwing a fit, or if there is something there that should be worked on." Expecting her to whirl back twisted words and insults...she never mentioned it again...instead she moved on to my husband and how he killed his father by breaking his heart...hence the heart attack that caused his death! Mother of the Year she is not. Funny thing is...I was scared of what SHE thought of ME. .


Later, I had even MORE of my secerts used to attempt to hurt me(someone else, but very much like her!) This time they were more embarrassing-intmate info, only a lover should know. He had hacked into my email account. Again, I felt a ping of pain, but realized..Heck, it's normal! SO WHAT!. and that's what I told him. It wasn't UNTIL confronted w/my fear, did I over come it! In those two moments I didn' "feel" extra strong...I just was.

Oh! Don't me wrong...I'm STILL a Big-O-Scaredy Cat!! I can't stress that enough...MEoooooW! I just have a few less things to be scared of. When the time comes you'll be amazed how strong you are! Just keep taking baby steps.

 
Old 07-14-2004, 09:14 PM   #14
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pfunk HB User
Re: Pfunk

It isn't just the fear of it being used against me in interpersonal relationships and things, but there are also things I have dreamed of doing with my life in terms of a career and other things all along, that if I were to ever see a mental health professional it would seriously screw up my ability to do those things.

I know that you are probably thinking that there are going to be a ton more things that I won't do very well or at all if I don't get over things.

I still really need for one of my friends to go with me. I don't have that option though. I also don't believe that I would ever find a therapist I would like.

 
Old 07-15-2004, 12:37 AM   #15
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Re: Pfunk

I sounds like you are still in a lot of pain. May I ask why you feel your friend won't go with you? It would seem that if they were your friend they would go.

 
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