Well..you hit the nail on the head "What is wrong with them exactly". It REALLY is her problem. Everyones defenses work differently(even the woman you spoke with) and to make a general statement with out treating you and then insiting she was correct is perhaps a defense of her own. I've had to learn to NOT to get sucked into arguements with people like that. I HAS NOT been easy b/c I tend to look at not argueing as "losing" or "weak" but the truth is getting sucked in WAS/is "losing"(for me). I was letting someone else control my peace of mind, by getting upset. Now, I've learned to say "Well, that's your opinion and I'll think about it". Which I do..I think.."Wow...your loonier than me!"
Here's a little story- I have lived my life afraid of others people's opinion of me. I've always keep journals. In college a boyfriend red some pages. I was very embarresed and hurt. That stayed w/me even through it was never used againist me.
During a VERY DIFFICULT time, when I was very weak, my X-mother-in-law(who is so cruel it IS ABUSE!!) stole my journal, red it and then used it againist me. She said I wrote "I hated my husband and wasn't sure if I should stay with him." She said this at my Father-in-laws funeral(who both my husband & I love deeply-He died unexpectedly on my 30th B-day). This was a woman I hide every weakness I had, in fear of her using it to hurt me! And there she was, screaming my secret thoughts..using my own words to hurt me and the man I loved-her son. My fear had come true!!!
This is the part that AMAZED me. I didn't fall apart! I told her "YES! I wrote that and much more, because that IS how I felt at that very min. I write my feeling down, rather than blurt them out and say things I DON'T mean which can hurt people that I REALLY do love. I get it out of my system look back at what I've written and try to learn what I'm really upset about and if it's just me throwing a fit, or if there is something there that should be worked on." Expecting her to whirl back twisted words and insults...she never mentioned it again...instead she moved on to my husband and how he killed his father by breaking his heart...hence the heart attack that caused his death! Mother of the Year she is not. Funny thing is...I was scared of what SHE thought of ME.
Later, I had even MORE of my secerts used to attempt to hurt me(someone else, but very much like her!) This time they were more embarrassing-intmate info, only a lover should know. He had hacked into my email account. Again, I felt a ping of pain, but realized..Heck, it's normal! SO WHAT!. and that's what I told him. It wasn't UNTIL confronted w/my fear, did I over come it! In those two moments I didn' "feel" extra strong...I just was.
Oh! Don't me wrong...I'm STILL a Big-O-Scaredy Cat!! I can't stress that enough...MEoooooW! I just have a few less things to be scared of. When the time comes you'll be amazed how strong you are! Just keep taking baby steps.