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Old 08-04-2004, 10:01 AM   #1
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Tanki HB User
recovery

Well I am PTSD free and have been for a couple of months now.

IT took me 8 years, and it's about time.
I still get triggers, still have body memories but it's easier now to deal with.

What my turning point for me was when I was able to literally say that I REGRET that this happened to me, doing that you are not looking back in the past saying to yourself it was my fault I was raped, It was my fault that I made him hurt me, I was in the wrong. Being able to regret it freed me from feeling the shame, guilt and fear that I felt. Major turning point for me.

I did however have a weird dream the other night that had me thinking about it all day.

I still have triggers but I am able to deal with them without fearing it. I always write it down now.
I'm free from the 9 guys that did me wrong from the years of 1996-2001. I am still hyperviligant and sometimes still get hyperarousal. But i'm ok.

I have a wonderful bf of 3 yrs and since i've been with him I haven't had anymore uncomfortable situations or potenitally dangerous situations.

I am still weary of others, I always will be but I have an alarm that goes off when I see someone on the street warning me to stay away, I don't see it as someone who is going to hurt me, follow me, and do a home invasion. I had that thought a few weeks ago. But I see it as a warning, something that will protect me like a piemeter.

I know I haven't been around lately, alot has been going on and it's all been postive.
__________________
~Tanki

 
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Old 08-04-2004, 01:19 PM   #2
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Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Chicago, Illinois
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ainfante HB Userainfante HB Userainfante HB User
Re: recovery

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tanki
Well I am PTSD free and have been for a couple of months now.

IT took me 8 years, and it's about time.
I still get triggers, still have body memories but it's easier now to deal with.

What my turning point for me was when I was able to literally say that I REGRET that this happened to me, doing that you are not looking back in the past saying to yourself it was my fault I was raped, It was my fault that I made him hurt me, I was in the wrong. Being able to regret it freed me from feeling the shame, guilt and fear that I felt. Major turning point for me.

I did however have a weird dream the other night that had me thinking about it all day.

I still have triggers but I am able to deal with them without fearing it. I always write it down now.
I'm free from the 9 guys that did me wrong from the years of 1996-2001. I am still hyperviligant and sometimes still get hyperarousal. But i'm ok.

I have a wonderful bf of 3 yrs and since i've been with him I haven't had anymore uncomfortable situations or potenitally dangerous situations.

I am still weary of others, I always will be but I have an alarm that goes off when I see someone on the street warning me to stay away, I don't see it as someone who is going to hurt me, follow me, and do a home invasion. I had that thought a few weeks ago. But I see it as a warning, something that will protect me like a piemeter.

I know I haven't been around lately, alot has been going on and it's all been postive.

Congradulations! Good for you. I'm still in the healing mode, trying to get all this energy out of my nervous system to get over hyperviligance and just the tremors. I'm doing really well with the panic attacks, but still working with trauma. I know these things take time but got a book regarding car accidents and hoping this will speed up the process. I'm in therapy and have been since the end of March. I'm not as bad, getting better but still would like to feel totally like myself again. I take 10 mg. of Prozac, they'd like me to take more but won't do it now. I have Xanax and take a pinch every now and then when things get a little rough. Glad again to hear you have had wonderful breathrough!

Andrea

Andrea

 
Old 08-26-2004, 02:24 PM   #3
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Join Date: Jun 2002
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Posts: 187
Tanki HB User
Re: recovery

Thank you Andrea.

I still deal with triggers and some body memories, but I take it a step at a time, everyday gets better...

I never thought i'd be PTSD free after being plagued with it just 4 months ago. The only thing I have to becareful of is to not allow myself to be 'stuck' in the past again...
__________________
~Tanki

 
Old 08-27-2004, 09:42 AM   #4
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ainfante HB Userainfante HB Userainfante HB User
Re: recovery

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tanki
Thank you Andrea.

I still deal with triggers and some body memories, but I take it a step at a time, everyday gets better...

I never thought i'd be PTSD free after being plagued with it just 4 months ago. The only thing I have to becareful of is to not allow myself to be 'stuck' in the past again...
It's good to see you on the boards again, you give us or at least me, inspriration that one day I will also be PTSD free. You know my situation, I'm sure by reading other posts on this board. The hardest have been the flashbacks, and the anxiety consistently. But I'm getting better, been in therapy since end of March and it has helped me a great deal. I also take 10mg. of Prozac, they want me to take 20mg but haven't gotten there yet. I also have Xanax when I need it, but haven't used it in about 6 weeks now. I just had a kidney stone blasted from my right kidney and guess they had to put a tube down my nose cause I wouldn't stop coughing. Anyways, it re-traumatized me a bit, but I'm okay now, finally. I'm also going through perimenopause, I'm 45, going to be 46 shortly, so that's rough on me too. And being raped in my teenage years, perimenopause is no piece of cake. Anyways, I'm far from getting over the car accident and I notice when I talk about it I'm still shaking, etc. and also when I talk about my brother's traumatic death, I shake with that too.

Can you tell us some of the body symptoms you went through and what helped you through them? I think the body symptoms are one of the worse and they just make you fear more. I just keep going through them and try not to let thembother me and some will go away and leave me alone. Also, Chris posts here alot and says that low cortisol and low thyroid help PTSD worsen, is this true? I've taken alll these tests, and they come back in normal ranges, but low normal ranges.

Thanks Tanki. Look forward to hearing from you soon.

Blessings,

Andrea

 
Old 08-27-2004, 11:50 AM   #5
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Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Canada
Posts: 187
Tanki HB User
Re: recovery

Quote:
Originally Posted by ainfante
It's good to see you on the boards again, you give us or at least me, inspriration that one day I will also be PTSD free. You know my situation, I'm sure by reading other posts on this board. The hardest have been the flashbacks, and the anxiety consistently. But I'm getting better, been in therapy since end of March and it has helped me a great deal. I also take 10mg. of Prozac, they want me to take 20mg but haven't gotten there yet. I also have Xanax when I need it, but haven't used it in about 6 weeks now. I just had a kidney stone blasted from my right kidney and guess they had to put a tube down my nose cause I wouldn't stop coughing. Anyways, it re-traumatized me a bit, but I'm okay now, finally. I'm also going through perimenopause, I'm 45, going to be 46 shortly, so that's rough on me too. And being raped in my teenage years, perimenopause is no piece of cake. Anyways, I'm far from getting over the car accident and I notice when I talk about it I'm still shaking, etc. and also when I talk about my brother's traumatic death, I shake with that too.

Can you tell us some of the body symptoms you went through and what helped you through them? I think the body symptoms are one of the worse and they just make you fear more. I just keep going through them and try not to let thembother me and some will go away and leave me alone. Also, Chris posts here alot and says that low cortisol and low thyroid help PTSD worsen, is this true? I've taken alll these tests, and they come back in normal ranges, but low normal ranges.

Thanks Tanki. Look forward to hearing from you soon.

Blessings,

Andrea

You will be able to be PTSD free to, it takes time, for me it took 8 years and i've been in therapy for 8 years and still am going. It's a slow frustrating process and scary. Flashbacks are apart of healing even though they are terrifying. You need to learn differnt coping methods to ground yourself when you are having a flashback. You can look up grounding tecniques for flashbacks online and usually articles will pop up from different websites and can be helpful. Anxiety is a pain, I've been getting anxiety everyday for the past week, it's been sucking... so far though i've been able to handle it. For me it's all situational. I don't know where'd I'd be today if it wasn't for my psychiatrist, she has done wonders for me and continues to. Therapy is defnatly a must when dealing with trauma, no one can do it alone.


With me in terms of PTSD and body sensations, I get body memories, it's a type of flashback, well it is a flashback but the body feels it... I don't see it like a playback in my mind.. What I feel when dealing with a body memory is fear, freezing.... sometimes I Wont even know what caused it, what the trigger is.. it just happens, sometimes I do know and as long as I tell myself where I am now, that he is not there to hurt me anymore then it helps. It helps too that I'm in a wonderful relationship... I just have to ground myself and let me know where I am not and not get stuck in the past. I sometimes literally shake my head to get that feeling out of me... that does help... Talking to myself reminding myself again where I am, writting it down, telling myself that I am ok helps. When I Get body memories that come out of nowhere are harder to deal with because I don't know what the trigger is, or why I was triggered by it. It can get confusing.... self talk helps there, I usually write it down on paper and bring it into my sessions with my psychiatrist and go from there.

The more I talk about it the less they happen, the key is to continue talking....That does help with flashbacks and sensations, learning different coping methods... reading up on how to deal with flashbacks and so forth.

The book The Body Remember: The Psychophysiology of Trauma and Trauma Treatment
By Babette Rothschild


That book has helped me out alot when dealing with flashbacks, definatly a good read. I should re-read it because I haven't finished it yet. But I don't want to get "stuck" again, it's too dangerous for me.
__________________
~Tanki

 
Old 08-27-2004, 12:53 PM   #6
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Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Chicago, Illinois
Posts: 2,122
ainfante HB Userainfante HB Userainfante HB User
Re: recovery

Tanki, you sound like me. I also get the body symptoms with triggers and don't know where they all come from either. I'm reading the book, waking the tiger, by peter levine, very good. I'm also reading another book about car accidents by a psychotherapist and forwarded by peter levine. I heard about the book, The body remembers but cant' find it at the library. I want to thank you for coming forward, knowing that you have healed gives me some hope.

Andrea

 
Old 08-27-2004, 03:04 PM   #7
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Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Canada
Posts: 187
Tanki HB User
Re: recovery

I don't know if you can find the book in a library, I ordered mine online from chapters.ca here in Canada but you can get it at barns&noble, amazon.com places like that.


There is hope for everyone who has been though something like that it does take time... but if I can get there, anyone can.
__________________
~Tanki

Last edited by Tanki; 08-27-2004 at 03:05 PM.

 
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