I was abused as a kid but despite that was always very affectionate, maybe over-affectionate as a result, I don't know. Until the PTSD kicked in properly last year and I started getting nightmares and flashbacks etc.
I still crave affection, like nothing else, and if I'm feeling okay I'm forever touching and hugging my boyfriend. But if I don't feel okay, I just freeze up. It's really REALLY frustrating. When you feel so miserable that you're curled in a ball on the bathroom floor just waiting to die and all you want is a hug and for someone to show they care, and yet when they do, you completely stiffen and you can't let them near. I have no reason to be afraid of him, but sometimes he frightens me so much I can't bear to be in the room with him.
It must hurt his feelings so badly because he's never been anything other than completely wonderful to me. I wish I could stop it. Has anybody experienced something similar? How do I teach my body what my mind already knows, that he's safe and won't hurt me?
Lori
xx
__________________
"Just because you can move, and you can shake, does NOT make you a mover and a shaker!"
I was abused as a kid but despite that was always very affectionate, maybe over-affectionate as a result, I don't know. Until the PTSD kicked in properly last year and I started getting nightmares and flashbacks etc.
I still crave affection, like nothing else, and if I'm feeling okay I'm forever touching and hugging my boyfriend. But if I don't feel okay, I just freeze up. It's really REALLY frustrating. When you feel so miserable that you're curled in a ball on the bathroom floor just waiting to die and all you want is a hug and for someone to show they care, and yet when they do, you completely stiffen and you can't let them near. I have no reason to be afraid of him, but sometimes he frightens me so much I can't bear to be in the room with him.
It must hurt his feelings so badly because he's never been anything other than completely wonderful to me. I wish I could stop it. Has anybody experienced something similar? How do I teach my body what my mind already knows, that he's safe and won't hurt me?
Lori
xx
I go through this. I would suggest reading books about molestation related to the body remembers. The problem is, the mind may have relaxed with the thought of the molestation but your body remembers. Are you in therapy?
I had a few weeks of counselling with my university service in March/April but I can't afford a private therapist (in the UK). I'm got a referral letter through for CBT last month and have to ring for an appointment, haven't yet worked up the courage to do so!!
That being said the CBT is just for depression. I've never been "officially" diagnosed with PTSD, I've never even told a doctor about my flashbacks or about my abuse or anything, I find it incredibly hard with doctors and in therapy because I have a phobia of them (my mom used to tell me all doctors were trying to kill us when I was a kid, she's schizophrenic, so I was terrified of them and it turned into a phobia). I try and tell my GP every time I go about my flashbacks but I always bottle out. =(
Anyway thanks very much for the reply. I'll look into that.
Lori
xx
__________________
"Just because you can move, and you can shake, does NOT make you a mover and a shaker!"
I had a few weeks of counselling with my university service in March/April but I can't afford a private therapist (in the UK). I'm got a referral letter through for CBT last month and have to ring for an appointment, haven't yet worked up the courage to do so!!
That being said the CBT is just for depression. I've never been "officially" diagnosed with PTSD, I've never even told a doctor about my flashbacks or about my abuse or anything, I find it incredibly hard with doctors and in therapy because I have a phobia of them (my mom used to tell me all doctors were trying to kill us when I was a kid, she's schizophrenic, so I was terrified of them and it turned into a phobia). I try and tell my GP every time I go about my flashbacks but I always bottle out. =(
Anyway thanks very much for the reply. I'll look into that.
Lori
xx
Lori, CBT is great for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Panic Disorder and any other disorders. I'm sorry to hear about the convincing about Doctors from your mom. But you can change everything, just have to go for it.
