I was abused as a kid but despite that was always very affectionate, maybe over-affectionate as a result, I don't know. Until the PTSD kicked in properly last year and I started getting nightmares and flashbacks etc.
I still crave affection, like nothing else, and if I'm feeling okay I'm forever touching and hugging my boyfriend. But if I don't feel okay, I just freeze up. It's really REALLY frustrating. When you feel so miserable that you're curled in a ball on the bathroom floor just waiting to die and all you want is a hug and for someone to show they care, and yet when they do, you completely stiffen and you can't let them near. I have no reason to be afraid of him, but sometimes he frightens me so much I can't bear to be in the room with him.
It must hurt his feelings so badly because he's never been anything other than completely wonderful to me. I wish I could stop it. Has anybody experienced something similar? How do I teach my body what my mind already knows, that he's safe and won't hurt me?