What is going on with me??
About two years ago, one of my closest friends told me that she had a terminal illness, which I found very hard to deal with. Then she told me that she had been raped, so I tried my best to help her through a very difficult time. Anyway, three months ago, I found out that my "friend" was lying about everything, she's not dying and she was never raped, she just wanted some attention. Since finding this out, I have been having a terrible time trying to deal with the fact that one of my closest friends would lie to me like that. I went through hell trying to deal with the fact that she was going to die, and I bent over backwards to help her after she told me she'd been raped. I was pretty much her counsellor on a daily basis and it's put me in shock that she lied to me. She was always such a nice girl, so the fact that she turned out to be a pathological liar and sick-headed, it's knocked me for six as we were very close friends and I trusted her.
What I would like to know, is can something like this trigger PTSD? Since finding out that my "friend" was lying to me, I've been suffering bad depression. I cannot relax, I am emotionally numb, I can sleep but I wake up feeling like hell (making me not want to sleep), I feel like the most horrible person to exist, I'm scared of losing control of my actions and hurting someone, I'm full of anger and just so hurt. My "friend" lying to me is *all* I can think about and I really just want to fist the girl for putting me through emotional hell over the past two years for nothing. I am experiencing SO many different emotions right now and they're awful, they make me feel physically sick. I also have this fear that something bad is now going to happen to my family. I'm 23 years old and most of the time I want to be left alone, but then I start to feel scared and lonely (probably because my "friend" was the only person I got to talk to on a daily basis, I do not talk to my other friends for months at a time) and all I want is to be with my mum and not leave her side. I feel like I've regressed to my childhood, wanting my mum when I'm scared. What is this that I'm going through? And I've never been a violent person at all, but I now have this bad fear that I'm going to lose control and hurt someone. Realistically, I know I never would, but the fear releases all these feelings of dread around my body. It's horrible, and just when I think I'm over it, it happens again and makes me feel sick & like I'm a bad person. Maybe I need therapy, I don't know. I also feel really dizzy lately and like I'm not there - dissociated, I think that's the word. I feel like I'm the only person going through this.
Thank you to anyone who replies.
Last edited by clover02; 09-18-2004 at 05:58 PM.