Im Posting Under My Husbands Name And Wanted To Ask Some Opions On This Matter. My Husabnd Had A Very Upsetting Childhood He Seen Things That No Child Should. His Parents Were Swingers And Drug Users. People Came And Went And He Saw His Mother In A Way He Should Have. (with More Than One Partner) He Has Keep This Insid Efor A Long Time. When We Met 9 Years Ago He Was Jelous Of Other Men Looking Or Talking To Me But I Just Brushed It Off. When He Told Me About His Childhood I Was So Sad For Him But Did Not Think It Affected Him. He Hid It So Well. In The Past 2 Yrs He Has Started To Show Signs Of Anger And Depression More Anger. He Started To Question Everything I Was Doing, Thinking I Was Going To Leave Him Or I Was Cheating On Him. At First I Told Him He Is Crazy And Than I Saw It Was No Joke Something Was Wrong. When I Asked Him To Tell Me What Is Bothering Him He Broke Down And Rehashed His Whole Childhood. I Then Understood Why He Did The Things He Did. He Felt That Marriage Is Is Love Between 2 People Only, And His Parents Did Not Have That More Like Sex Between 5 People. And That Hurts Him To Even Think About. My Question Is He Cant Seem To Stop Thinking About It Alot, Even If One Of His Friends Are Fooling Around On Thier Grlfriend Or Wife He Gets Very Upset And That Starts The Thoughts In His Head. He Was D With Bi-polor But As The Doctor Seen Him More He Mentioned Ptsd. My Husband Feels Seeing The Doctor Doesnt Do Anything. Any Input How He Can Stop His Mind From Wondering Its Starting To Effect His Daily Life.. Thanks For Reading.. Agk"s Wife
I have issues with my parents along the same lines, including knowlege of condoned
and hidden sexual abuse, which is all denied. I currently dont speak to my parents.
because it upsets me so much. Basically Im in the same situation as your husband
but I have done a few things that have eased some of the pain.
1) I wrote a very detailed letter (23pgs) to my parents explaining how I felt.
2) I did try speaking to them as I wanted to understand how parents who claimed
to love their children could do and allow such things. They denied them.
3) This took a long time but for my own health which was being affect from the
anger I held inside, I sent them a letter forgiving them, for myself not them.
When the painful memories come to mind, instead of dwelling on them and making
myself sick, I tell myself I forgave them, there's nothing I can do, let it go.
4) I finally had to accept the fact that somewhere along their life they lost
something. Maybe they faced a trauma in their own life that they never
recovered (they were mentally damaged) and rendered them incapable of
recognizing or showing what real love is. I dont know.
5) I do know I can never trust them again, can never allow children around them
again. Maybe someday I'll be able to seperate their illness from their action
and possibly begin limited communicate.
Your husband may never accept what his parents did, but he obviously did not
take after them. Suggests he tries anything to put these memories to rest.
Take Care, K
Your Post Was So Helpful And Touching Thank You So Much Your Words Are A Help. It Is Going To Be A Long Road But He Will Make It. Like You Said He Needs To Forgive Them In Order To Let It Go. I Will Keep You Posted.. Thanks Agin Agk Wife
Agk's Wife...I too suffer from chronic PTSD. I was sexually, emotionally, physically and verbally abused from age 5 forward. I repressed all memories of the sexual abuse until August, 1995, so they came at me like a storm. With therapy and hard work, I am much better than I was then, but still have a way to go. My body was using my detiorating health to try to warn me that something was wrong, but I was running at warp speed. Please tell your husband...to heal, he must feel. Those were the most powerful words that have been spoken to me through my recovery. It's not an easy road...for him or you. There are support groups for PTSD/abuse. There are also groups that offer support to the significant others. I encourage you to both participate in the recovery process. My husband was my rock through the beginning when the memories surfaces...and still is very supportive and understanding. I am sorry your husband has been exposed to such terrible things that reflect his memories of his childhood. It's hard to get to the forgive part. It's great if you can do it. One of my abusers was my first husband of 21 years. He used a date drug on me and took pictures, etc. I've had hundreds of memories wake me in the night or come to me during the day. I told my minister I didn't think I could ever forgive him and worried that because of that, I would not go to heaven. He told me some very helpful words that took tremendous weights off my shoulders. He told me he didn't believe that I had to say the words, "I forgive him", but to turn him over to God. Afterall, He is the one that will be ultimately making the judgement in the end. It really freed me up to the point that my flashbacks and nightmares slowly reduced to a point that I can talk about it more easily. The same goes for my uncle that molested me from age 5 into my teens. I haven't gotten to the point that I talk about him, but I don't have to. Sorry if I've given TMI (too much information). I'm new on this board. I wanted to let you know that he is not alone and there is help out there. There are some excellent books out there on PTSD that really help you understand all aspects of it, in "English"!!! I wish you both luck. Hold on to his hand and don't let go. He needs your support. Protect yourself though, if he is acting out. He may not be in control, but you are the only one around for him to take out his anger on. Get him a good, solid ANGER PILLOW and give it to him when he is having a rough time. It really helps to just hit that pillow like nobody's business! Good luck. Keep posting, okay? ...diane