When I was a child I was abused and I used to be able to block these thoughts, but I can't control the bad memories anymore and think of them every day.
It all started when I was about 7 my mother began neglecting my little brother and I. She would go out to bars and with boyfriends and leave us home alone at night. When I was 10 I went to a new babysitter and her son (he was about 43 maybe) started molesting me. He would take me into the bathroom and pull my pants down, and he would take me other places too. One time I was in the playroom and he showed me a torn out pg from a porno mag and told me that he wanted to do those things to me.
Then finally after this had been going on for about a year, we moved to a new town, I thought I was finally free of it. Then one day my grandfather began molesting me. That didnt last for too long, maybe a year or so. The thing is I have never told anyone about any of this, and I'm 22 now so it's been a long time.
I have also done another thing that burdens me a great deal.... is when I was a teenager I did drugs and wasnt around when my grandmother died. I can hardly live with myself knowing that I wasnt there for her. I have always loved her and the guilt I have for doing that is un imaginable. I'm so sorry I did that to her, and that is probably what bothers me the most. If I could take that back I would in a heart beat.
I think about that the most...
So I guess my question to you is, is there a way to get over the past traumas of our pasts? Or atleast deal with them more effectively?