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Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Message Board


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Old 03-04-2005, 09:02 PM   #1
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Porcelain_doll HB User
Shutting Down

Greetings! This is my first post here. I've never been on a health message board before, but I need people to talk to about this. About 6 months ago I was diagnosed with PTSD. I am a single mom in my 40's, and a domestic violence survivor. When my son was 5 months old I took him & left our attacker. My life was reduced to two suitcases and a baby. That was 4 1/2 years ago. Since then, I have made tremendous progress as an independant person. I got my GED at 41, and I am going to college. I want to be a social worker so that I can help people, as I have been helped. Although my ex lives more than 5 states away, hasn't contacted me in 4 years, doesn't know where I am, and I have followed through on all my legal rights & responsibilities, I live in fear for my & my son's life. I always function on high-vigilance! Shortly after starting school, I started having panic attacks. I ended up in the ER many times, thinking I was having a heart attack. Eventually I became consumed with social anxiety because I have trust issues with people. I am just worn down by everything I've survived. 6 months ago I started taking zoloft, it seems to help. I am also in therapy, and have a health waver so that I only need to do classes part time. When I get too much on my plate I get wiggy, worn down, and turn into a scared rabbit. Now I have a tendency to isolate. I like my comfort zone a-lot! But I know that this is not healthy for my child. Don't get me wrong, I'm functional, just unmotivated and stuck. My classes are starting up again next week. I'm doing two classes on Campus & one class on line. My therapist says that some people are like a rushing river, but I am like a trickling stream. I don't want to get stagnant.

Thanks for listening :-)

 
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Old 03-05-2005, 10:15 PM   #2
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Bob A HB User
Re: Shutting Down

Wow! You sound like a fantastic person. You must be very brave to have endured all that you have and still try to better yourself by going to school. I wish you all the best in the world and I will pray for you. Please continue to be strong.
God Bless You.

 
Old 03-06-2005, 05:02 PM   #3
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Porcelain_doll HB User
Re: Shutting Down

Thanks Bob! We're all fantastic people. Unfortunately though, due to circumstances beyond our control, people with PTSD are adversely affected by our experience. Being new to this diagnosis, I don't know if it is something I just have to live with, or if I can get past it. I hope the later is true! I guess first I have to go into it, before I can "get over it & get on with it" LOL

 
Old 03-06-2005, 09:23 PM   #4
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Bob A HB User
Re: Shutting Down

I have PTSD too. Sometimes I can't face people. I just can't do it. Especially in crowds or at stores. I feel like there is an unknown waiting around the corner. It is very hard to explain. Sometimes when I walk down the driveway to get the mail out of the mailbox I get all freaky and weird. This is not fun, and it does affect my family and friends.

 
Old 03-07-2005, 04:11 PM   #5
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Porcelain_doll HB User
Re: Shutting Down

Yep! I went to school today to update my schedule for Spring. I felt anxous and like I was alone in a croud of people that I hoped wouldn't even notice me. I got through it & will return to start classes on Wednesday. I take self paced classes to accomodate my condition. The funny thing is, I am a 5'9" attractive woman. I act very cofident & charming. Most people don't even have a clue that I am a big mess inside. I wear tinted glasses so that people can't see the fear in my eyes. I can deal with the world, but only in small doses LOL.

That's why my username is Porcelain Doll. I'm pretty to look at, but I easily get shattered.

Last edited by Porcelain_doll; 03-07-2005 at 04:13 PM.

 
Old 03-07-2005, 09:32 PM   #6
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Bob A HB User
Re: Shutting Down

I can relate to the tinted glasses. I wear sun glasses most of the time to give me a sense of security. They make me feel like I'm behind a barrier or something. The only problem is, I'm 6' 3'' and 225 lbs. which gives me a dominate look and people are not easy with my company while I wear dark glasses especially inside.

 
Old 03-30-2005, 08:45 PM   #7
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VE VET HB User
Re: Shutting Down

2blackundefinedArial

A few things.....

I'm a past Domestic Violence crisis intervention counselor in the Los Angeles area. Believe me, I have a pretty good idea of what you went through.

I have been diagnosed as borderline military PTSD until the docs at the VA can get a closer look at me so I sort of know what you're going through on that end as well.

Seems to me that you are suffering from PTSD. You had a traumatic event in your life and obviously, you fear for your life should your batterer catch up with you. You have to ask yourself the real probability of that happening and in the event of that happening, what might your reaction be? Remember that your were defiant once. It took a great deal of emotional and intestinal strength to do what you did. I know. I've helped many people, female and male, in your past situation.

BUT, you are independent now. You allowed yourself to empower your own life and make those positive changes that you AND you baby needed. I say, BRAVO!! Continue that ideal but in the process, don't victimize yourself all over again, which YOU ARE doing. You are your own strength! You are your own power! Give yourself life and live as you wanted to when you made the decision to leave your batterer. Breathe in that freedom you knew over four years ago. Wrap yourself in it. It's hard, difficult perhaps, but you did it once. Do it again, everyday if you have to but certainly don't become a prisoner to your fears.

You are your own liberator or jailer. There is a richness to the human dynamic for survival and you have had the rare experience to hit the gas and go full throttle in finding your own center, your own life, your own freeedom. Don't let that slip away. Not now, not ever!

VE VET

 
Old 04-20-2005, 09:36 AM   #8
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Garnet77 HB User
Re: Shutting Down

Hi I was diagnosed with PTSD as well about a yr. ago. I too was a victim of domestic abuse my first partner lasted 2 yrs and almost left me handicapped my second lasted 5 yrs and bearly made it through a swollen brain and short coma. I was also abused as a child and my life has been a mess since then. I too am on Zoloft but, the dose just seems to be increasing every 6 months or so. I started at 25mg. and am now taking 200mg in just one yr. I am bearly 28 yrs. old and feel like I am 38.....this has taken a big toll on my life and I trust NOBODY. My husband has Bipolar and we divorced a yr. ago but, has been in therapy since then and on meds now so, were trying to work out a relationship for our children who seem to be very depressed without their father. I still tell people he is my husband but, in reality he is not.

 
Old 04-20-2005, 12:17 PM   #9
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smc612 HB User
Angry Re: Shutting Down

hi everyone, i am new to the boards and am not sure if i am navigating right or not. i was diagnosed with ptsd around 2 years ago,5 years after my 21 year old daughter died suddenly in an auto accident. she wasn't viewable so i never had the chance to kiss her good bye. since then there are times that ithink i have either lost my mind or am about ready to. people without the disorder don't get it. i am just starting to learn that i have no idea what will trigger an episode. i thought i had it under control. just started taking seroquel and i have an appt. with the psychologist tonight. i hope to get some kind of handle on this. i don't believe it ever goes away we have to learn to do the best we can to live with it. i wish all of the mean,rude,hurtful people in the world would forget i exist.

 
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