This is how I see myself. I never know from one moment to the next exactly how I will react to a situation or a statement made by someone. I can be having a near perfect day where almost nothing really disturbs me. Then out of no where...here comes the VOLCANO. I can't explain it, but everything starts to change and everything irritates me. I simply blow up and don't realize it until later. It's like a completely different person takes over me. Then there are the times when I am a CIRCUS. Happy, funny, full of pep. People love to be around me because I am so much fun. I tell jokes and dance around like I just won the lottery or something similar. I constantly make people aware of my split personality so they are ready for both sides of me.
Does anyone else see themselves with this condition? If you do, I highly suggest telling your friends and family to be aware of the .........
"VOLCANO or CIRCUS."
Me too!! I am Kool Moe Dee one minute than I am the incredible Hulk. When I am in these raged states its almost impossible to stop the animal in me. Its only later after the fact that I realize and regret my actions dearly. Im trying anti-depressents and they so far dont thwart the suddent changes in my mood. Has anybody had any success with meds to keep one from becomming the incredible Hulk?
What helps me is "Hydroxyzine HCL" also known as Atarax. It limits anxiety and flare ups. Also good for alcohol withdrawels. Take it first thing in the morning and within 10 to 15 minutes you will feel like all is OK. But you must take it every day, at least 3 times a day in order for it to work. For me it's a hard choice between the Hydroxyzine and Vodka. When all else fails, I hit the booze. I'm not proud of it either. But it's a pacifier.
Quite a few of the vets I know with severe PTSD are going through what you are. One moment they're on top of the world. The next, watch out. As to my knowledge of PTSD and working with PTSD veterans (in a general sense), these extreme reversals of emotional outlet are classic signs of PTSD.
A case in point, my brother-in-law, now single, was a Huey door gunner in Nam where he wasted people with an M-60 machine gun on a daily basis. He sadly left the better part of himself in the skies over Vietnam and came back with severe PTSD. He would fly off the handle and get violent one moment only to turn around and mellow out as if nothing had happened. I call him the Nation's Posterboy for PTSD but to this day he refuses to seek out VA PTSD Outpatient help. Defiant to the end, he's divorced, an emotional wreck who uses drugs by the score to kill the mental pain, and he's on the verge of complete meltdown.
I don't applaud your use of booze for the reasons you do and I won't. That's only going to make your problems and pain worse in the end and complicate your recovery and stability. You have the moxy to state your case before the masses in this format so I give it to you that you are also aware enough to see the dangers involved. For a short while I played those same games. They're rigged for you to lose.
A bright side are some of your prior posts that I've read. You be up on your game, dude. Don't let that go to waste.