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Old 03-17-2005, 04:35 PM   #1
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I'm scared...help

I got held hostage by a man when I was 17. He molested me, tied me up and choked me till I passed out and he attepted to rape me.. He is being released on march 28th of this year. I am scared and I keep freezing up. I am now 23 yrs old. He will be moving one hour away from me and it's too late for a restraining order. My mom is harrasing me about it and she keeps telling me I dont understand how she feels but yet she won't listen to me. She is acting like she is the victim and I am not even a part of it. The last thing he said to me was "you know what's going to happen to you if you tell". please give me advice...

 
Old 03-17-2005, 04:42 PM   #2
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Re: I'm scared...help

Do the police know about this threat? I was raped by a man and one of the reasons I haven't told is because he threatened me as well. But now that he's served his time, perhaps he has learnt his lesson. Just in case you need to be sure you're protected. If ANYTHING happens, if you see him or anything. Make sure you get straight to the police and demand a restraining order. You need to do whatever it takes to keep you safe. Please take care.
God Bless.
~Mel
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Old 03-17-2005, 05:02 PM   #3
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Re: I'm scared...help

Thank you littleone101. I will do that. I have gone to the police and they said I need it from the court. I went all the way to the san fernando court where my trial was and they sent me to 3 different areas in there until they finally told me I couldn't get one from them. They said to call his po and his po said that he couldn't get an extension for me unless he violates his parole. I will try the police again.

 
Old 03-17-2005, 08:01 PM   #4
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Re: I'm scared...help

JDean22,
Who did you tell and how would he know?

 
Old 03-17-2005, 08:22 PM   #5
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Porcelain_doll HB User
Re: I'm scared...help

Hello JDean22. I would be freaking out too! Is your mother is pressuring you to keep quiet about what you went through, and saying not to allert the police about this guy being released in the same vicinity as you? I don't think that's healthy at all. I imagine you are having some terrible traumatic "stuff" coming up, and you feel threatened. You poor thing! Do you have a therapist? You should really be working with a professional to help you deal with this. Does your attacker know where you live? Do you live with your mother? Is that why she's so affected by this? Are you listed in the phone book etc.? If the guy has no easy way of finding out where you live, I would feel better about it. I live in a high security lifestyle & it sucks, but I do everything it takes to feel as safe as possible. Little things like keeping my porch light on, and having a phone by my bed helps. I would definately allert the local police & ask them to keep an eye on your home. It might help you to feel more protected. Maybe the guy is rehabilitated, but still, all you really know about him is the dreadful memories you have. Memories like that are haunting, I know. Keep reminding yourself that You Are Safe! worrying about it will just wear you out.

I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this! And I hope that you find the support that you need, and deserve, with this, Stay Safe.

 
Old 03-18-2005, 10:38 PM   #6
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Re: I'm scared...help

Everyone in my old apartment building knows where I live and my ex boyfriend who was associated with him lives in the apartment next to me. My mom lives by herself and I live with my boyfriend. My mom lives in the apartment complex next to the building it happened in. I grew up there since I was 6, so everyone knows who I am. I am trying to alert everyone not to give information about me. My mom is not pressuring me to keep quiet but she doesn't want me to do my avon for a while because she is extremely afraid. He has no clue of what she looks like but I can understand her fear for I have it too. I am at the moment seeking professional help, but my mom doesn't want it and it's tearing her apart. My nightmares are becoming worse as the days go on and it's hard to breath most of the time. Thank you for your support. As far as the police goes, I can only tell them and that is it. I am giving them a picture of what he looks like and I am going to have them keep on a lookout. I do not take threats lightly so therefore I am taking every percaution I can. You guys have been helpful and thank you. I wish you all luck too. by the way he is being release in a different county but has the choice to come here just not close to me.

 
Old 03-19-2005, 12:27 PM   #7
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Bob A HB User
Re: I'm scared...help

JDean22
Please keep us informed. If there is anything we can do to help you or give you some comfort we will do our best to help. Be strong and be brave. Please.

 
Old 03-31-2005, 12:59 AM   #8
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VE VET HB User
Re: I'm scared...help

This response will be well after the fact for you but from the cop standpoint, I'm afraid that the cops won't be too awful interested in doing much until the other guy does something they can pick him up on and/or his PO can violate him in order to send him back to lockup.

You mentioned San Fernando - the land of the LAPD (I live to the east of you in the AV). LAPD is famous for playing the wait and see game. LA County Sheriffs are the same. This certainly isn't a pro-active position from local law enforcement but you can thank our city/county prosecutor for the state of affairs we have to deal with.

In light of their lapse, we, that is you and I and everyone else, are forced to take those extra precautions necessary to safeguard ourselves. Follow some of the simple suggestions offered here.

1. Keep a phone handy that isn't used a lot by your immediate family
2. Keep lights on after dark - porch, kitchen, frontroom - if he tries to enter your home after dark, it's best to have him backlit, not you
3. Of course, be careful answering the front door and don't leave it hanging wide open through the day to let air in and circulate
4. Again, of course, make sure you lock your doors and accessible windows
5. Alert your trusted neighbors to what you attacker looked like when he got busted and if you can, obtain the most recent picture available to you
6. If he was convicted of a sex crime, he has to register with the state and local law enforcement so he can be tracked by Megan's Law recordation - this makes him visable to the public and should keep him very cautious of his actions - once in the system, he can be violated by his PO-LAPD-Sheriff-CHP-County Prosecutor in a snap if he tries anything remotely suspicious or otherwise creates a potential hazard to public safety. In fact, once he's in the system, ******** his file and picture off the Megan's Law website: www.meganslaw.ca.gov

As I've said in other posts, be strong - you are your best support group when no one else is around and even if they are. Your attacker wants you to live in a state of fear, fear that is supposed to eat at you, capture you, and have you focus on your attacker's pledges/threats. They may in fact not be real to him but keeping you in that state of constant fear will certainly make it real to you, as I suppose it already has. Once you conquor that fear, you're one up on your attacker. Be prepaired. Be alert without being anxious. There is a difference. Remember, when you were attacked and even now, your attacker seeks dominance and control over his victim. Shear brutal and violent dominance if need be. I don't want to scare you - you've already been there - but it's best you know up front the dangers of people with the mindset of the attacker.

Take this to heart and stop being a victim by being proactive on your own. As for your mom, stop telling her and start showing her. Actions speak louder than words. Show her the danger, show her your strength, show her your willpower to survive and be free from the control of that piece of human sludge. Not only will you be better able to protect yourself by your new proactive profile, you will alert your attacker, should he be watching, that he is no longer in control. They hate that.

VE VET

 
Old 04-05-2005, 02:32 PM   #9
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Re: I'm scared...help

thank you ve vet. I have been looking on the megan's law even before his release and it's been a week in a half since his release and it still says that he is incarcerated. I can't get a hold of his p.o and I already wrote a note for them to update it. I didn't go to the police yet because I decided to take matters in my hands like you had gave advice on. Everything you wrote I have been doing and if anything I have been calming my mom down and reassuring her that he won't ruin our lives. Thank you for the advice. It is comforting to know that people care. I feel so alone on this and I have been seeking help through counceling. I hope I find him soon and when I do, I won't have to be paranoid anymore. But until they post where he is, I have to take every percaution to protect myself especially since I take to bus to and from work and I rely on my feet for transportation. I know the police could really care less, but it is not until it happens to someone close to them that they start paying more attention to those in need of protection. Therefore, my only thing that I will rely on is my trust in God and my words. I will take your advice to heart and listen to what you have to say. Thank you.

 
Old 04-05-2005, 02:33 PM   #10
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Re: I'm scared...help

thank you bob for your kind support

 
Old 04-05-2005, 04:26 PM   #11
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VE VET HB User
Re: I'm scared...help

JDEAN:

There ya go, gal. Stand up and and stake your valued place among the free.

I last wore a badge some years ago but there are those aspects of life that remain dynamic, real and constant. Your situation is one of those.

Give the Megans Law website a chance to catch up to itself. The authorities need to place this guy (he will probably be rotated around San Fernando until something permanent is located), have that info entered into official record, and placed on the website. To be honest with you, the AV is getting a lot of greater Los Angeles' Megans Law people out here. There's a good chance he could end up in my back yard.

Tell you what, click on my site name and send me an e-mail as soon as you can with his name.


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I'm glad that you've taken necessary steps to provide for your own security. In the short run, not only will you benefit by the physical aspect of that but your emotional health will improve as long as you stay strong. PTSD isn't any thing to mess with and your steps will only serve to improve the effects of your past trauma.

Good going, JD. Thumbs up and a well deserved ^5.

VE VET

Last edited by moderator2; 04-06-2005 at 05:24 AM. Reason: please carefully read and follow the posting rules - no emails

 
Old 04-06-2005, 11:36 AM   #12
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Bob A HB User
Re: I'm scared...help

You're very welcome JDEAN22. We try to help one another the best we can. Please keep us posted as to your life. We may not get back to you the same day, but we will get back to you.
Have a marvelous day.

 
Old 04-06-2005, 01:05 PM   #13
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VE VET HB User
Re: I'm scared...help

Oops.

VE VET

 
Old 05-11-2005, 09:09 PM   #14
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cetiya HB User
Re: I'm scared...help

I was kidnapped and tortured for a year and escaped a psychotic maniac, also in the Valley. if you are truely afraid for your life, move. seriously. I left california 24 hours after I got away from this man cos I knew he was looking for me and he told me I would be dead within 24 hours if I ever got away from him. I basically closed my eyes, and put my finger on a map and moved there, somewhere where he never heard of, some tiny town in Iowa. I was still afraid for a few years, but finally relaxed cos there was no way he would ever find me. it may seem extreme to just pack up and move, I knew noone out there but made friends, but I was so afraid he would kill me if he ever found me that it was my only option. if he tries to mess with you, please consider it.
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Old 05-12-2005, 06:23 AM   #15
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Thumbs up Re: I'm scared...help

You sound so strong considering what hell you went through. I don't blame you for feeling the way that you do. You've already gotten alot of great suggestions I just wanted to add, find that inner strength you have, hold on tight to it, and take your power back from that SOB. Here you are reassuring your mom and helping her, and it was you who went through it. That's amazing. Don't forget to take care of yourself too. ~Bunny

 
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