I've been full of self-hatred recently. I thought my ptsd was gone but all of a sudden it's back and 10x worse than before. One of my worst symptoms is anger/irritability that I turn on myself. I get so mad at myself that sometimes i'm afraid of what i'm capable of doing. I feel very out of control and when it passes, i'm left with more self-hatred for being so reckless. Does this make any sense? I walk around with a chip on my shoulder all the time and I feel like i'm about to explode soon.
Hey you sound like you are going through a lot. Have you talked to your family doctor about this lately? Or a counselor? You may want to talk to someone about this who is a professional. I am getting that you have a lot of emotions that you are not able to put into words, but instead internalize. Let me know how you feel about seeing a professional. Sometimes just starting with a doctors visit can work wonders.
Take care, you are in my thoughts.
I've been to many therapists and all they want to do is put me on meds. When I tell them I don't want to be on them, they proceed to do pointless breathing techniques to help me calm down. I've seen about 5 and have gotten nothing out of any one of them except tons of debt. I can't afford it right now. I try to talk to my parents but they get angry with me when I tell them what's going on...I think they'd rather live in denial than face the fact that there's something wrong with me.
Hummingbirdkiss, I reallly don't know why it's back. I'm coming up on the anniversary of 'it' this month so maybe it's something subconscious but I thought I was over it. I had been doing great for so many months but last night and today were one of the worst days i've had since it happened.
During the initial onset of my PTSD symptoms ( which were textbook ) my doctor put me on Paxil and shooed me out of the office. I was awake for 4 consecutive days on that med, and experienced only what can be described as circus music in my head. EVERY aspect of my life came apart in the subsequent 4-5 months. My life was literally saved when I got help from a psychologist who practiced cognitive behavioral therapy, and who specialized in PTSD. Have I forgotten the life changing events that caused the PTSD? No, they are still there, and they become more intrusive when I am stressed. But I can manage them, and the whole experience caused me to stop, reevaluate the direction of my life (professional and personal), and make changes for the better. Good luck!