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I think I have some serious "psychosis" or something.

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Old 05-24-2005, 10:30 AM   #1
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 65
bjm32 HB User
I think I have some serious "psychosis" or something.

I have been having very vivid and clear flashbacks. I was abused as a child. I recently switched therapists, and for some reason I felt like I had to remember the first time it happened. I never dealt with this for over 20yrs, just blocked it out. I knew it happenened, but was somehow able to convince myself that it happened to someone else. That was my survival skill until 2yrs ago. Now I do remember the first time, I can't stop thinking about it. I have flashbacks that I can't control. They last from 15min to a half an hour. Afterwards I feel the pain, it feels like it just happened to me. My thinking after is very distorted and suicidal. When I have these episodes, it's as if I am no longer an adult but a child again and I sort of "leave" my body and go back. I fight like hell to try and stop it. My therapist upped my beta blocker that I'm taking and I was actually free from them for 2 days but had a severe one last night. I had a shred of hope that I was on the way to getting better but now that hope's been severed. I am just flooded with this memory constantly. Is this PTSD or something more? I feel like I'm hanging on by a very thin thread and I'm scared that I'm having some sort of breakdown. Last night, I was going to take a bunch of pills, but I didn't. I called my friend and told her about the flashback and hearing her voice made me "come back". I just feel so alone and broken beyond repair. Has anyone experienced anything like this before? I appreciate any response...~Bunny

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Old 05-24-2005, 11:08 AM   #2
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Join Date: Dec 2004
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woodfaery HB User
Re: I think I have some serious "psychosis" or something.

Yes PTSD can be hard to work with. I think that its actually not beneficial to have to dig up things that a person has already worked through. Why relive the trauma. I think some therapists just dont take into consideration this aspect at all. Its like they are just going through the motions with each client and not taking into consideration the uniqueness of each client. What do you want at this point? Do you think this therapist is helpful at all? What do you want to work on? What are you ready to let go of? Sometimes keeping a journal is helpful. See what you are willing to look at. See if you are ready to let go of certain things. Your friend sounds like a truly good friend, keep in mind your true friends are probably your greatest support right now. The therapist may be not so helpful. Best wishes, I hope you get better soon. I too had PTSD but eventually found a way to let go of a lot of things I no longer wished to hang onto anymore. Yes child abuse is awful, I can tell you I was there at one time. I am just glad I am an adult now and no longer that child in that situation long ago. Remember, you are not alone in this. I care, and I wish you happiness and peace of mind.

Old 05-24-2005, 11:51 AM   #3
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 65
bjm32 HB User
Re: I think I have some serious "psychosis" or something.

Thanks for your response, it's nice to hear that someone has gotten through it. My therapist is wonderful, very caring and the thing is that I never dealt with this. I've been harboring these feelings, emotions, memories and never ever spoke of them. He didn't want to dig that memory up, it just kinda happened at home. I was thinking to much about what our sessions were going to be like and then remembered the first time. I remembered details, things I had forgotten or blocked out, or I don't know. I'm reliving it daily and want it to desperately stop. I can't handle all this. I feel like I need to get it out, but our next appt is in 2wks and I'm afraid I won't last that long. I know this probably doesn't make any sense, that's why I'm starting to think I'm going crazy or something. I'm scared.

Old 05-27-2005, 05:46 PM   #4
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 3
BobbieD HB User
Re: I think I have some serious "psychosis" or something.

if that's of any help to you, as a fellow ptsd survivor and victim, i can offer my best wishes for your full recovery, and my advice that the traumatic recollection might be intense and delibating, but it's not you, and your psychic core within you will see you through, taking long walks helps a lot, friends help more, my best wishes to you.

Old 05-27-2005, 07:53 PM   #5
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 65
bjm32 HB User
Re: I think I have some serious "psychosis" or something.

thank you I appreciate you sharing. but I think I've figured things out. Bunny

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