I've posted before about my PTSD caused from the abuse from my uncle. I've been having flashbacks. These are different then the flashbacks I've had before. It's not like I'm reliving it, this is stuff that I don't remember. It's like it's happening for the first time. Then I react like it just happened. I had one memory that shocked me and disgusted me so much that when I think about it I get the dry heaves, which has never happened before. I just can't believe that something like that really happened to me and I just forgot it? It's like I have amnesia but I know I don't. I never suffered any head trauma or concussion or anything that would bring on amnesia. I'm starting to think that I'm making this up or something. I hope that's what's happening because it just feels like I'm crazy or something.
Then yesterday I got a call from my aunt, who told me that my uncle was upset because his ex-wife will not let him see his daughter anymore. She said she didn't know any of the details but she implied that something happened and his ex is furious and will not let him see her ever again. I just assumed that he did something to her. Here's my problem, I never told anyone in my family about what he did to me. I know that he raped me, and it continued for a long time. If I had spoke up and told, this never would have happened to her. She's only 13. I feel responsible. I completely broke down yesterday and thank god, my friend came right over and made me call my therapist. He tried to convince me that I wasn't responsible, but I still feel it. Even as an adult, I knew he was spending ALOT of time with her, I should have said something to save her from him.
So, I'm very sad and confused today. I have an appt w/my therapist Tuesday. I need help to make it to that appt. I can't stop thinking about the memories that I keep having and I can't stop feeling guilty about what has now happened to my cousin. ~Bunny
You didn't do anything wrong, HE did. You are not to blame for what HE did to someone else. Heck, even if you did tell, he may have done it to your cousin anyway. You need to continue seeing your therapist and keep reminding yourself that you did NOTHING wrong!
If it helps, I suffered from moderate to severe PTSD for a few years, and still have some 'after effects' (like being very jumpy). But, I'm now living a very happy life, so hang in there - it will get better!
oh man, you have a tiger by the tail with guilt. i can only say its a tough road. i agree with the above post. see your therapist and do every thing in your power to tell yourself it was not your fault. because it not.i have not dealt with your problems exactly but i have severe guilt issues, as i have sent numerous people to thier graves with my decisions. although i followed the "rules" it does not make the guilt go away. good luck.