Throughout my life I grew in bad areas like ghettos and tenderloins. I use to get jump a lot while growing up because I was always by myself walking to school or a friendís house. I had many guns pointed to my head, I have been chased with guns and machete by a group of people for wearing a red sweater and I have been to funerals from my brother, friends and best friend. The people who I use to hangout with were very crazy who always had to watch their back when going out and because my friend let his guard down he is now on a wheel chair after taking 8 bullets in the back. I have seen several drive bys shootings and seen people get shot and beaten badly. These people were animals with no guilt and thatís who I became for 4 years.
I donít live in that area or environment anymore, I havenít lived in that area since 1993 but I noticed I am always watching my back and I donít have any enemies. When I am in a crowded place my heart starts to race and people think I am mad because my face looks like I am ready for combat. They say fight or flight but for me flight is not an option so if it came down I would fight. Itís a pride thing, not sure why. When someone touches my shoulder I jump, when I am at a movie I feel like someone going to stabbed me through the seat and I notice loud noises like a door slamming makes me jump and gets my heart racing. I always feel like I was once in a war and now I canít go out and have fun without focusing on other people then what I came for. Itís sad because I stay home because I feel safe. So is this PTSD or something else?
Any feedback will be great.
yes, you sound like you may have it. do you have flashbacks?
my father was a Vietnam veteran who served in heavy combat in vietnam. He had it bad. I heard things from him that are worse than anything that anyone could tell me to date. i saw him go into flashbacks.
What happens is your nervous system is programmed to protect you from the environment your were in. Now that you aren't in that environment any longer, you don't need it, but your nervous system doesn't know that, you're still programmed to protect yourself from extreme danger. It's like a built in protection and survival mechanism.
There really isn't much help for it except to talk to people who have ben in the same situation so you'll have someone to relate to.
sounds like ptsd to me. and there is DEFINITELY help!!! it used to be that there was only talk therapy, but the mental health field has uncovered TONS of information over the last 10 or so years about the mind-body connection. There are a couple of mind-body techniques that work extraordinarily well for this kind of thing. one is called EMDR - short for eye movement desensitization and reprocessing. it was initially designed to use for precisely this thing, and has generalized to being helpful for other things too (like limiting beliefs we hold about ourselves, etc.). therapy can be a little pricey, but, it gives you your life back. the other one is called DNMS which can also help. therapists who use one of these often times use both techniques, which is a great combo.
Wow, you poor thing, you have been through so much! I would say you definately have PTSD from all that (I sure would). I'm very sorry for all your losses, your brother, friends, and best friend. How tragic! My condolences. I lost my mom, best friend and another good friend, that alone almost drove me over the edge. I'm so sad we live in such a cruel world. I cant believe someone chased you with a machete and all the guns pointed at you and all you have witnessed. You must have horrible night terrors. I''m so glad you escaped all that. To witness people being shot...I'm so sorry you had to endure all that. I would probably never leave home again. The trauma is unbelievable. I hope you can see a therapist or have someone you can talk to about this. One of my friends came to work and said he got robbed at gunpoint and just laughed about it. I couldnt believe it, he just said he's used to it...I'm sure he must have been hiding something, how can u get used to that? I'm glad you are not like that anymore. I wish you the best. *hugs*