I have/had PTSD and thru therapy I realized that I also could have BPD, once I realized that I had it, it was easy for me to correct those highs and lows, could that be what your DR is seeing in you? Maybe that is why the BPD dx is there. I have gone thru years of therapy, and it has taken me along time to realize how much PTSD ran my life, I was very depressed as a child and never knew it until I was able to see clearly thru all the emotions that were running around in me.
You have a double challenge because of your disability, I say go for the outside assessment, then take that back to your DR. Because you need to stay at the VA can't you approach her knowing her control issues and explain that you feel that there are other dx's that need to be explored?
That you are trying to get control of your dx's or you want to be pro active in your care, and because she has so much insight to your case, that you feel the need to stay with her, and come to an understanding??
Butter her up!! Maybe that will change her tune. What type of dr is she?
Are you getting psychotherapy and meds? Do you have copies of your records?
You need a positive provider, one who will not make you stress because of her behavior, I am sure that having a dr who has control issues will just intimidate you and make you be the "difficult" patient that she says you are
sounds like she needs some psychotherapy
Look At Me I Have ADHD 
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