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Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Message Board


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Old 02-09-2006, 09:01 PM   #1
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dating someone with PTS-any advice?

i just met someone a few weeks ago who confided in me that they have PTS as a result of emotionally and sexual abuse. they are on medication and go to therapy 5 days out of the week. i never wrote down the medicine names so i could look them up but i know one med to to for bedtime to help them sleep since they have horrible nightmares and can't sleep for more than 2 hours without it. the other med i am assuming is just so they can function through the day.

now i guess my question should be is how do you support or even be with someone on a romantic level who has this disorder? is there some do's or don't's? has anyone ever dated someone who has PTS? does the experience differ depending how serious the symptoms are?

i hope my line of questioning makes sense and look foward to any advice or links that could be provided

 
Old 02-10-2006, 05:28 PM   #2
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Re: dating someone with PTS-any advice?

I never dated someone with PTSD but I do or did have it, and I remember that I was in charge of me, and when my future husband came on the scene, I had some control issues, and I think I was emotionally unavailable.

There are things that happened to your "date" that makes it difficult for them to connect like normal people, and I remember that I didn't understand alot of things, like learning a new job, and would never say I didn't understand, because I was in control and didn't want to look stupid. It was easier to try to understand, then ask.

Because we are in control, it is very hard to share, I may have felt generous, but feelings, they just were not there. I think it comes down to feeling's, we PTSD'ers don't really feel, we glaze over, we pretend, because we had to pretend that nothing happend to us, tragedies just don't hit us like normal people. I was always depressed and never even knew it, it was just how I always felt.

On 9/11 after the bldg's came down, everyone at work was talking about it and I was thinking why aren't these people working duhhhh a horrible awful tragedy happened and I couldn't feel it, or understand it until I had a chance to think about it and process it and I like everyone else cried for weeks over it.

I think just be understanding and kind, don't press issues, and see what happens, my future husband treated me like I had never been treated, like a princess!! and it made it easy for me to eventually spill my secret and get help. Your date is already getting help, does he see a provider who specializes in PTSD? Specialists in that dx have great yechniques for dealing with it.
I was in therapy on and off for about 10 years, and I was dx'd with MS in December 2004, and depression hit me hard, that is when I finally attacked all the issues that I was afraid to put in their place, and I am a changed person. Therapy does work, it was the hardenst work that I ever did in my whole entire life, but I was looking at the big picture, that eventually I would be able to reclaim my life, and actually start a whole new life [sorry I wrote for so long, I am pretty passionate about this dx]

Steph
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Old 02-10-2006, 06:05 PM   #3
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Re: dating someone with PTS-any advice?

i thank you for sharing your experience

currently the guy i am seeing told me up front what happened to him and the fact that he has issues. we have only been seeing each other for 4 weeks or so but he has been emotionally available until this week when he had somesort of relapse when he found out his ex girlfriend is moving out of state and taking their child with her. it seems that highly stressful situations send him over the edge and he disappears and then reappears days later in the hospital to get help.

this is the first time he has disappeared since i have known him and it has made me worried that i may be over my head in every sense of the word. i don't want to stop dating him simply because he has PTSD because i actually like him has a person and think that we do have alot in common. but at the same time i do not want to be naive and get into something that i have no idea how to react, what to do, or when/where to do things.

as far as i know his doc does specialize in PTSD and he seems to be responding to his treatment well, until this week when he couldn't control what his ex is doing and "lost it" so to speak. i figure within the next week or so i will hear from him but i can't help but wonder or worry about how sick he may actually be and i just can't see it.



Quote:
Originally Posted by StephanieAnne
I never dated someone with PTSD but I do or did have it, and I remember that I was in charge of me, and when my future husband came on the scene, I had some control issues, and I think I was emotionally unavailable.

There are things that happened to your "date" that makes it difficult for them to connect like normal people, and I remember that I didn't understand alot of things, like learning a new job, and would never say I didn't understand, because I was in control and didn't want to look stupid. It was easier to try to understand, then ask.

Because we are in control, it is very hard to share, I may have felt generous, but feelings, they just were not there. I think it comes down to feeling's, we PTSD'ers don't really feel, we glaze over, we pretend, because we had to pretend that nothing happend to us, tragedies just don't hit us like normal people. I was always depressed and never even knew it, it was just how I always felt.

On 9/11 after the bldg's came down, everyone at work was talking about it and I was thinking why aren't these people working duhhhh a horrible awful tragedy happened and I couldn't feel it, or understand it until I had a chance to think about it and process it and I like everyone else cried for weeks over it.

I think just be understanding and kind, don't press issues, and see what happens, my future husband treated me like I had never been treated, like a princess!! and it made it easy for me to eventually spill my secret and get help. Your date is already getting help, does he see a provider who specializes in PTSD? Specialists in that dx have great yechniques for dealing with it.
I was in therapy on and off for about 10 years, and I was dx'd with MS in December 2004, and depression hit me hard, that is when I finally attacked all the issues that I was afraid to put in their place, and I am a changed person. Therapy does work, it was the hardenst work that I ever did in my whole entire life, but I was looking at the big picture, that eventually I would be able to reclaim my life, and actually start a whole new life [sorry I wrote for so long, I am pretty passionate about this dx]

Steph

 
Old 02-10-2006, 07:33 PM   #4
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Re: dating someone with PTS-any advice?

It's always the control, he doesn't know how to control that situation and he closes down, or in this case closes himself away. When you can't figure things out, your brain says, ok enough, and you do what ever you have to do to feel safe and in control.

At least he know's enough to go to the hospital for help. Maybe once he is able to handle things, talk to him and explain what you said in your post, be honest with him, let him know that you will be there for him if he needs/wants it and that you know he is working on his problems and that you don't want to cause any stress, but that you are kinda getting used to him, and you just want to understand how you can help.

I found that it if you can see the real person underneath all the layers of insulation that they have protecting them, then it is probably worth the work.

I hope things work out for you
Steph
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