possible PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Message Board

dave_81 · 04-29-2006, 04:35 PM

Hello everyone --

I normally post on the depresson board; but recently several people have told me that they think I might be suffering from PTSD. I officially have psychotic depression and depersonalisation disorder; but my problems started after I went through a very traumatic event when I was 15. (I'm 24 now). A couple of months after the traumatic event I started suffering terribly from what I later found out to be depersonalisation (PTSD?). I was hoping that some people on this board could tell me whether my depersonalisation sounds anything like PTSD. Here goes...

The best way I can describe my depersonalisation is to say that my sense of self is radically altered; it's as though there no longer is an inner nucleus which is 'me'. Another way I can describe it is to say that it feels as though two parts of my sense of self are 'out of synch' or not 'aligned' properly; that I'm no longer a single, unified person -- that in a sense I've lost part of my soul; that I'm detached from my own thoughts -- forever stuck in a permanently altered state of consciousness (another way of putting this would be to say that my consciouness is no longer unitary); in short, I have ceased to exist as a unified, whole individual. My depersonalization is a stable phenomenon; it never gets any worse or any better -- it just stays the same.

I also suffer terribly from anxiety; but I'm not anxious about anything in particular: it's anxiety integral to the altered state of consciousness that I'm stuck in. I also suffer from depression -- depression over being permanently depersonalized (among other things).

I'd really appreciated it if some PTSD suffers could tell me if any of the above sounds like what can happen when one is suffering from PTSD.

Any thoughts/advice would be much appreciated.

Best,

Dave_81

StephanieAnne · 04-30-2006, 12:40 PM

Hi Dave

I am a PTSD survivor, before I was treated for PTSD I always felt detached, like I didn't understand things, I was unable to connect, I felt in my own little world, I mean I got up and went to work every day, I did what I thought normal people did, but I had a difficult time understanding feelings, it was like PTSD made me immune from tragedy, tragic movies, accidents, tragic deaths, it was just like nothing to me, I couldn't connect

So, I used drugs, drank, lived with total abandon because I did not understand the consequences.

I could take care of me, after all I had been doing it just about my whole life, and it had been working this long, so why change

I freaking had TONS of anxiety and I never knew what it was, I thought I was just worried all the time, I had a huge knot in my gut, that was where my feelings were. I was like this for about 30 years then I got treatment from a PTSD Provider and she changed my life or she gave me back the life I had been living but not feeling. I had been to a therapist and he told me what I needed to change to feel better, yeah that didn't work

I needed a therapist to explain to my why I was like I was, and that I could change, and my PTSD therapist was able to do all of that. Once I was ready to get desensitized against the sexual abuse that I experienced as a child, it freed me.

It took over 10 years off and on, I would get to a comfortable place and stop therapy, then in Dec 2004, I was diagnosed with MS, and everything changed and I knew that I needed to go back for therapy and at those last visits, I realized that I had been depressed my whole life and didn't even know it.

Then after dealing with MS, and the final hurdle for me was FOOD!! It was always the one thing that I had complete control over and, I started having weird dreams about being lost and just strange dreams. I went for therapy ine morning and I just feeling sick to my stomach and I didn't know why, so I said to her, "I just don't feel good" , I felt like I was gonna puke, and she says "OK lets see what is going on" and it was time for me to lose the control over food, and I CRIED LIKE A BABY I couldn't even believe it, so a few more visits and I was able to get thru it, and start eating to live [corny huh] not living to eat. Then I knew that I had finally gotten my life back. It was the hardest thing that I ever did, but it was the most rewarding thing I ever did.

I am happy, comfortable, I cannot believe how I was living, this new life is so much easier.

Find your self a PTSD therapist, they will be able to assist diagnose if you are a PTSD victim, I will support you any way that I can ok

Hope this helps

dave_81 · 05-01-2006, 07:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by StephanieAnne

Hi Dave

I am a PTSD survivor, before I was treated for PTSD I always felt detached, like I didn't understand things, I was unable to connect, I felt in my own little world, I mean I got up and went to work every day, I did what I thought normal people did, but I had a difficult time understanding feelings, it was like PTSD made me immune from tragedy, tragic movies, accidents, tragic deaths, it was just like nothing to me, I couldn't connect

So, I used drugs, drank, lived with total abandon because I did not understand the consequences.

I could take care of me, after all I had been doing it just about my whole life, and it had been working this long, so why change

I freaking had TONS of anxiety and I never knew what it was, I thought I was just worried all the time, I had a huge knot in my gut, that was where my feelings were. I was like this for about 30 years then I got treatment from a PTSD Provider and she changed my life or she gave me back the life I had been living but not feeling. I had been to a therapist and he told me what I needed to change to feel better, yeah that didn't work

I needed a therapist to explain to my why I was like I was, and that I could change, and my PTSD therapist was able to do all of that. Once I was ready to get desensitized against the sexual abuse that I experienced as a child, it freed me.

It took over 10 years off and on, I would get to a comfortable place and stop therapy, then in Dec 2004, I was diagnosed with MS, and everything changed and I knew that I needed to go back for therapy and at those last visits, I realized that I had been depressed my whole life and didn't even know it.

Then after dealing with MS, and the final hurdle for me was FOOD!! It was always the one thing that I had complete control over and, I started having weird dreams about being lost and just strange dreams. I went for therapy ine morning and I just feeling sick to my stomach and I didn't know why, so I said to her, "I just don't feel good" , I felt like I was gonna puke, and she says "OK lets see what is going on" and it was time for me to lose the control over food, and I CRIED LIKE A BABY I couldn't even believe it, so a few more visits and I was able to get thru it, and start eating to live [corny huh] not living to eat. Then I knew that I had finally gotten my life back. It was the hardest thing that I ever did, but it was the most rewarding thing I ever did.

I am happy, comfortable, I cannot believe how I was living, this new life is so much easier.

Find your self a PTSD therapist, they will be able to assist diagnose if you are a PTSD victim, I will support you any way that I can ok

Hope this helps

Thanks so much for your kind reply, StephanieAnne; I recogniosed so much of myself in what you wrote. It's so sad that you suffered for 30 years before getting the help you needed; but I'm so glad that you eventually did get help and are now happy and comfortable. You must be a very strong person to have recovered from everything that you went through (the abuse and the subsequent PTSD) Like you, I'm sure that I've been depressed for most of my life; but that I didn't know it; that it therefore manifested itself in other ways (e.g. drug taking and heavy drinking); that I've behaved recklessly and with total abandon for years. I now see that all of the above can be traced back to two very traumatic events that occurred when I was 15. I'm seeing a psychiatrist/psychotherapist at the moment and will mention PTSD to him next time I see him, becuase I'm sure I might have it.

Again, thanks for telling me your story and thanks for the support. I shall definitely mention PTSD next time I see my p-doc.

Best,

Dave_81