IdaElli

Hey everyone,
I'm new here and looking for support with PTSD. I need to talk with others who are going through similar issues because I feel very alone and embarressed by some of my symptoms.
So the story starts like this: I was brutally gang raped at the age of 14. I am now 23, and still experiencing painful flashbacks, nightmares, even hallucinations related to this event. That's not all, though. When I came to college at 18, I was date raped and am also dealing with the reprocussions of this. Everything in between is blurred. There were good times and bad, but for the most part I have had a very difficult time with relationships. I have also been addicted to drugs, although I am clean at the moment. I also have suffered from an ED (Anorexia,) which is directly related to the rape, so obviously I have a lot of body issues that I need to work on. And dissociation issues that relate. It is so terrifying and so frustrating sometimes. I feel like I cannot get away from it and I want to get help because I feel like I am loosing my mind.
I am very fortunate that I have a loving boyfriend in a committed relationship and two beautiful dogs (Ida and Elliott,) who I got my screen name from! They are very theraputic and have helped me get through some very hard times. My boyfriend is wondefully caring and we have plan on getting married after college when we move. It is frustrating for him, however, to deal with my PTSD and I want him to understand it and not scare him so much.
Thank you all for reading and please, if you have any suggestions and advice, let me know! Right now I am feeling like no one understands, so I'm glad I found this board!