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Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Message Board


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Old 09-05-2006, 05:21 PM   #1
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pucca_chick HB User
Is it possible???

Im 18 now and from 8-11 i was molested by a 15/16 yr old boy. im scared though, there are large chunks missing, its hazy, i can see it like a silent film in my head wen i think of it and try to remeber. he wud say for us all(the kids in the street i used to play in), that we should play hide and seek, he said to me that we cud go to a really good special hiding place, he took me down the side of a house and other places, he wud touch me even wen i said no, he wud want to see things and wud rub me wen i protested saying i was just being stupid, i was 8 about when it started, i didnt understand, i felt wrong and embarressed but thought maybe thats what they do, i didnt know much so i was confused-but i remember being scared someone would find out, i was afraid to tell people and i never did. this happened more times but i dont know how many.

im concerned, i remember once he asked me to take off my trousers, and show him, i said no but i dont remember afterwards what happened-what if something bad happened, i hate not knowing what has happened to my own body. im also concerned, bacause its hazy what if its my head making it up? i wish to god i cud remember, i know suoe people want to forget, but its holding me back and i cant let go, cos its sorta shaped me today.

im 18 and have never had a boyfreind, my mother thinks im a lesbian and seems to like telling people her suspicions. i feel nothing for men or women like sexually or even interested, why? i dont get exited or look foreward to seeing them, im just blank, theyre more like objects to me just-empty.i have never bin able to interact with them, i veiw them when im talking to them as just wanting to get sex off me, im suspicious and no way do i trust them for intimacy(no offense to any guys here)its hard, cos my freinds dont understand how im not interested, i wont chase a guy up, wen i do go for it i have to make an effort and it takes energy, i feel so stupid. ive also hidden depression, self harm, eating issues for four years-do you think the abuse has something to do with it?? see it never bothered me much cos i didnt understand and i forgot alot of it, but now im older and beginning to understand, im angry and i feel really alienated and alone and confused, no one knows and i dont plan on telling, but i dont know what to beleive.

has anyone else here forgotten bits, is it normal or a sign your brain is making it up?? one thing is, my brother once told me that the boy asked him when he was just 5 yrs old to come up to his bedroom and play strip poker with him. cud i have PTSD as a guy on the net told me(sorta a counsellor guy-thinks i have it), around the age of 8 or so i began having panic attacks and hyperventilation, but everyone thought i was attention seeking and shouted at me to stop, eventually i just carried my paperbag around with me and it eased away, but i still get it making speeches or anything. sorry this was long, can anyone point me int he right direction. also, if you tell a doctor do they make you go to the police and tell them who it was, will i have to go throught any of that? plz help xox

 
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Old 09-24-2006, 12:56 AM   #2
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Join Date: Jun 2006
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RingItOn HB User
Re: Is it possible???

Quote:
Originally Posted by pucca_chick
im 18 and have never had a boyfreind, my mother thinks im a lesbian and seems to like telling people her suspicions. i feel nothing for men or women like sexually or even interested, why?
What you are talking about and feeling is very normal if you have been sexually abused. The last thing which is healed in therapy is your sexuality. Dealing with your memories and your feelings about them comes first.

Quote:
i dont get exited or look foreward to seeing them, im just blank, theyre more like objects to me just-empty.i have never bin able to interact with them, i veiw them when im talking to them as just wanting to get sex off me, im suspicious and no way do i trust them for intimacy ...
That's because you were treated like an object by that boy who abused you. What you are feeling is normal and healthy for what you experienced.

Quote:
i feel so stupid.
You are definitely not stupid. Hurting yes. Protective yes. These are healthy responses considering what you experienced.

Quote:
ive also hidden depression, self harm, eating issues for four years-do you think the abuse has something to do with it?? see it never bothered me much cos i didnt understand and i forgot alot of it, but now im older and beginning to understand, im angry and i feel really alienated and alone and confused, no one knows and i dont plan on telling, but i dont know what to beleive.
You mean you don't plan on telling your parents? That isn't necessary to heal.

You need to find a therapist to speak with, someone you can trust and who will believe you.

Yes, eating disorders, depression and self-harm are linked to abuse. I have suffered with all of them for years and am finally coming out the other side of the tunnel of darkness. There is light and it isn't an oncoming train.

Quote:
has anyone else here forgotten bits, is it normal or a sign your brain is making it up?? one thing is, my brother once told me that the boy asked him when he was just 5 yrs old to come up to his bedroom and play strip poker with him. cud i have PTSD as a guy on the net told me(sorta a counsellor guy-thinks i have it), around the age of 8 or so i began having panic attacks and hyperventilation, but everyone thought i was attention seeking and shouted at me to stop, eventually i just carried my paperbag around with me and it eased away, but i still get it making speeches or anything. sorry this was long, can anyone point me int he right direction. also, if you tell a doctor do they make you go to the police and tell them who it was, will i have to go throught any of that? plz help xox
If the abuse was traumatic you may forget what happened. This is normal and healthy. It is a mechanism in your brain which helps you survive the situation and stay sane. Then it keeps you sane until such time you are safe enough to remember and deal with the memories.

Sounds like you had PTSD as a child and still have it. I can relate. I also had horrific nightmares as a child, anxiety and panic attacks and long term depression.

You have the choice to go to the police. Since you are 18 you are old enough to opt out of that decision. Although if the person is still doing this abuse to other kids it might be beneficial to report it.

However, the most important thing to do right now is get help for you. Find a therapist who is experienced with PTSD and childhood trauma. Finding the right therapist is important because you form a therapeutic relationship which facilitates your healing. If the fit isn't right you wont heal. Don't be afraid to go through several therapists until you find the right fit for you. I can't stress this enough. I saw 6 therapists in the past 25 years and only one was the perfect fit for me.

 
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