Ptsd? - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Message Board

dflo16 · 01-22-2007, 05:16 PM

I don't know if I am suffering from PTSD, depression or grief or all 3.

6 years ago my best friend was murdered by our neighbor. It should have been me. I wasn't at home that night so my friend and his girlfriend ended up riding with the neighbor. I'm not really sure what happened because they are both dead. After my friend was shot, I had to identify and locate the neighbor. He was hiding out at his girlfriends house and took her hostage when the police showed up. As the SWAT team teargassed the house he took his own life.

I never really dealt with it, just drank to kill the pain. Now I find myself slipping further into depression every day. The only time I'm not depressed is when I'm drunk. I know this is not how to handle this but I'm lost. I have extreme "survivor guilt" and don't really know where to turn.

Phoenix · 01-22-2007, 06:20 PM

Dear dflo16,

I welcome you to our community.

It is normal to feel guilty but you must realize that things played out the way they did for a reason.

I realize that this might not provide you comfort now but with time, the healing of wounds will occur; if you allow them to.

When one drinks, it tends to depress the nervous system; that "numbing" feeling that accompanies it provides a false sense of security. Rationale and thought processes slow down and one can literally "escape" in it's liquid deception but it's not the answer.

How spiritual are you? I ask this to determine many factors that I cannot reveal unless you answer.

The people here are a genuinely caring bunch.............

but don't just take my word for it; see for yourself

Take care all
God Bless all

FTM

depressed&lost · 01-22-2007, 06:48 PM

Hello, I would like to know if you every thought about going in to an inpatient tramua and grief center. I lost my mom and daughter within a 4 year period. And I am only 25. I am hurting. I continue with what I am suppose to do. Be a mother to my 2 year old and hold a fulltime job. I am dying inside and don't have any hope left. This is my last choice. I am in the process of trying to find a place that I would be comfortable to try to heal and try to be happy again. Happiness is so far away for me, not even in my vocab.

Phoenix · 01-22-2007, 07:06 PM

Dear depressedandlost,

I welcome you.

Have you tried therapy; one-on-one or group?

Share as much as you like, as often as you like.

In the meantime, feel free to view some of our threads and comment at your own pace.

Take care all

God Bless all

FTM

dflo16 · 01-22-2007, 08:27 PM

Hello depressed&lost,

I have not tried any type of counseling as of yet. Posting here is my first attempt at help. I am trying to get into outpatient counseling but am having a hard time finding a therapist that is taking new patients. I read somewhere that middle of Jan is the busiest time of the year for them, holiday hangover.

I definently feel your pain and am sorry for your loses. I couldn't even imagine losing a family member. I am close to your age and know how hard it is. I also feel hopeless and lost. I have decided to seek professional help because I haven't really had closure and healing. I will keep you posted on my counseling.