ska678

Hi, I am new. Im not sure im ready to write everything i've been through but i've had PTSD for a while now. About 5 years ago i witnessed a terrible crime, the main perpertrator of this crime has threatened to kill me if i told anyone about it, he is in jail now for murder but gets out in a couple of years, i now have a kid and spend allot of time worrying about me and my baby getting killed, sometimes i cant breath, and allot of things remind me of the fact he will come out of jail, sometimes i see things on the news and think 'that could be the way im going to get killed' etc. Its really hard, i have no one to talk to and have tried talking to my parents but my dad basically was supportive at first then next time i asked him (he said hed think about something he could do to help) he basically shouted at me to 'just dont worry about it'. My mother has also been verbally and physically abusive towards me since i was little, and is of little support now (she still always puts me down, she basically blamed me for witnessing the crime, implying it was my fault i was there.).I have isolated myself for awhile now and do not want to run into people that i used to know, due to the fact that they were all around when the crime happened..
apart from the ptsd, everyday is hard living with my parents, my mother is constantly putting me down and verbally abusing me, the other day she tried to ask about me feeling depressed and i said i was frightened by this guy that threatened me, she said 'well you've wasted 5 years of your life thinking about it are u going to waste the next five years'...and she continued on telling me basically waht a **** up i am.
I feel like i have no one to talk to about this and dont know what to do.