Quote:
Originally Posted by stick2013  So are you having that let down that I think you are having? |
Yeah. When it rains, it pours. It seems that EVERYTHING is being added to my all-you-can-eat trauma buffet.
The Sunday thing, the SI, the oncology visit, then I wacked out on the OCD site. All this week. My buttons are red and itching to be pushed.
I'm already doubting again, telling myself that I'm overreacting to the incidents in 1976. I really want the complete story. It's
my history. I don't like it hiding from me. The
whole story isn't necessary for healing, but it's mine. No matter what others say about the importance of moving forward, I feel like I need to know more.
My therapist and psychiatrist worry about my impulsive episodes connected with the bipolar issues. Things like this are classic triggers. When I'm impulsive, I use bad judgement. That could mean I'm going to wack out and run around outside naked or kill myself. Either way, despite
my primary concerns,
their first concern is my physical welfare.
I almost got detained in the therapist's office today. That's what they do before you get committed. If you leave, they call the po-po.
My parents keep a close eye on me. I don't like it, but it's better than a hospital. And it's enough to convince my doctors that I'm not ever alone.
I know I did well today. I even said a couple of my 'forbidden' words. But I doubt myself and regret I ever opened my mouth. I feel pretty lost.
You are awesome company. You're an enormous support. Thank you so much for caring.
Love,
Nikki
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