A year ago I was a completely different person. I was depressed, not eating, and when i did, would make myself throw up, i was self-harming...pretty much doing anything and everything to try to make things better...which of course, was not. Feb. 26 i was admitted to a psych hospital. i hadnt wanted to go, but my counselor at school talked me into it. she told me the vision that i had of hospitals were incorrect, as i invisioned them to be like in the movie "one flew over the cuckoos nest." she told me that it would be best for me to go and have my meds evaluated...basically take a few days off from class to refocus myself and my life. i agreed, and my worst nightmare was fulfilled. i was truly traumitized from the experience and have been experiencing a case of PTSD since. Ive had nightmares about 2-3 times a week, usually of me being told that i have to go back. i am in constant fear that although i am doing great now, i will slip up in some way and be sent back. lately, ive been very busy from the time i wake up until the time i get ready for bed, which leads me to think about a lot of things while im trying to fall asleep. i cant seem to stop thinking about what i did and said during this time last year...how things were. and then i think about the hospital and how scared i was and everything that went into it all. i dont know how to shut my brain off, im finding myself lying in bed for hours thinking about how i dont want to think about this. i was on sleeping meds for a while, off them now for about 3 months and i dont want to go back on them, but i need some way to fall asleep quicker! any tips?
Feb. 26 i was admitted to a psych hospital.....my worst nightmare was fulfilled. i was truly traumitized from the experience and have been experiencing a case of PTSD since.
I was admitted 3 times within 2 months, 2005-2006. Every hospital is different, so my experiences may be the exception or they may be the rule.
Before I share, I'd like to know what your hospital traumas were. I'm always willing to be the first to openly share, but I don't want to jump to conclusions about your experience in comparing it with my own. I have a feeling we're in the same boat. Hopefully your boat rocked a little less.
Only relate what you feel comfortable addressing. Doctors often have quite a different take on hospital experiences. They've been the doctor, not the patient. They assured me that 'One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest' no longer happened. I now can tell them otherwise.
You're not alone and I want to help. Keep posting.
as far as traumas go...one lady that was in the hospital with me was convinced that i was her sister. (by the way, i was 19, now i am 20) she came into my room on night while i was sleeping and tried to get into my bed screaming and crying in spanish, calling me her sister....it was very frightening, although it might not sound it. the other thing was another patient attacked a staff worker at night and i can vividly remember hearing her blood curdling scream. i would love to have someone to talk to, as i dont like to bring it up much in physical speaking because it makes me very upset. i appreciate your quick reply
I had several bad experiences, but I'll just start with the worst.
I have Bipolar I, so since I was off some important meds, I was often experiencing manic episodes during my stay. In fact, during a psychotic episode one evening, I blew up, shouting, ranting and choosing my words without sound judgement. I was pretty wacked out that evening and totally out of it. Everyone eventually went to bed except for a male patient who had expressed a romantic interest upon his arrival.
He began coming on to me. Normally, I would immediately reject his advances. But, uninhibited, I felt powerless and did nothing to find my way out of the situation. During this time, a nurse turned off the lights. Thanks, lady! Way to protect a fruitcake.
He convinced me to let him kiss me. We went to the outside smoking area, still unlocked at 2am. We kissed twice. I was zoned out so I didn't resist. Back in the community room, he fondled me. I was very uncomfortable with that, but my mind was blank and I was scared to resist. He exposed himself and persisted in asking to go to my room, which was across the hall from his. He asked if I had a roommate and told me he wanted to have sex. I did turn down the suggestion and he went to his room. Where was a nurse?!
Afraid, I slept in the community room. I later awoke to the most vivid hallucination I’ve ever had. The next morning, at about 6am, I awoke to the sound of the creep's voice calling my name. I looked in his room and the general vicinity. He was nowhere to be found. It was an auditory hallucination.
That day, the creep's roommate came to me because he had somehow found out about the situation and wanted to report it because he was disgusted at his roommate's behavior. I wasn’t going to say anything myself. The roommate reported the incident. Another patient confirmed the story. I don’t know how many people found out about the incident. I felt like a stupid blow-up doll.
The roommate confronted the creep and attempted to engage him in a physical altercation. The other patient who had confirmed the story became upset and vomited. The creep was discharged and escorted out by a sheriff’s deputy. I was never given specialized therapy, nor was I further advised or presented an apology. I also remained in that facility for another 2 weeks.
Well, there's incident #1. I totally understand where you're coming from. I'm so sorry.
not that i wish hospitalization on ANYONE, even my absolute worst enemy, im glad to hear that other people have had bad experiences like me. with a traumitizing experience, have you found that youve moved on past it? i really want to...and i feel like a year later i should be. its definetly helping to talk to someone else who has experienced it, not like talking to my counselor (new one, not the one that had me go to the hospital), who can say it was horrible place for me to be....blah blah blah....she doesnt know, shes been to hospitals as a counselor, not a patient, BIG difference. nice to talk to someone who understands....
Thanks,
Erica
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