Hiding progress - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Message Board

hergy · 02-15-2007, 10:25 PM

"Stop it. Stop it. Just stop it." Since I can remember, that's partly how I learned that I'm bad. Opening my mouth to express emotion is evil to my mom.

I'm trying to work on feeling good about myself. And I'm working overtime to get out of this house and away from those words. She used them on me today. Shutting me up when I'm expressing emotion is habit for her.

I'm working on cutting her off as far as this is concerned. But I live here for now. I'm trying to prevent my emotions from hiding, so I'm so tempted to spill it all out before her. But, not only would that do no good, it wouldn't help my relationship with her. Everyone's got their limitations.

I guess I don't have a question. Just disappointment and frustration. I'm trying to stand up, but I've got to do it in secret. This is a big one to add to my anger list.

galinaqt · 02-16-2007, 11:48 AM

Last time I saw my mom it was I tell her word she told me 100 back and it doesn't lead to anything good. I have to stay with her next week for 2 nights and I am threatened it will repeat. It is hard not to say anything, but if I say it is like open a door for troubles and then I feel bad for weeks.
May be you can spill your emotions here not to your mother. I have same problem. Another good way ICC suggested write a letter to the person and then burn it.

ICC · 02-16-2007, 12:08 PM

Nikki---if you have to yell how you feel out, do it. Please concentrate on yourself and not your relationship with anyone including your mother. Being made to hold it in as a child got you here. you're an adult now and have the right to speak up whether it hurts someone else's feelings or not. You cannot sit in the house trying to recover and biting your tongue at the same time. If you have to leave the room or the house and say" I'm leaving right now because I am hurting and know that there is no point in talking to you, I will be back when you are ready to listen calmly without judging" just do it. and if she's never ready or supportive of you then it is her loss. You are a wonderful young woman who has taken trmemndous strides in the past few weeks and cannot allow anyone to push you back. YOU ARE WORTH TOO MUCH MORE!

i love you, talk to me! I will never tell you to shut up

Grasshopper

stick2013 · 02-16-2007, 01:09 PM

Dear Nikki,

I won't tell you to "STOP IT" either..... For whatever reason, your mother is NOT willing to listen. (Mine wasn't either) If you need to tell her then write her a letter, or suggest that she go with you to your therapist meeting. If she refuses then write her the letter. You don't have to be mean, vindictive, angry, hateful, or upset in the letter. Just let her know how you feel about what was done to you, and how it has affected you today as an adult. Don't attack her, don't let her feel that she has let you down in anyway.....The letter should be about you and your feelings.

She can't accept the things that have affected you, she doesn't want to hear how all of this is her fault, she can't cope with it. She may be able in the future, but for now she can't or won't.....My advice would be to start out small and gradually build things up. If all else fails, you could always ask your therapist for a family intervention. And more or less FORCE her to sit and listen to what you have to say.

I think that you HAVE to get this stuff out, and I am so proud of you for trying........I guess it's just going to be baby steps right now hon......

Love you bunches, and bunches........I am proud of how far you have come!!!!!! Way to go girlfriend....

Hugs,

Sid

ICC · 02-16-2007, 01:31 PM

Nikki----I know I am being harsh with you right now and you know it's not to hurt you. I have been there with my mother. Hard as i've tried to talk to her, help her to understand my feelings and hurts she just wouldn't listen. would shut me up immediately until one year ago. I was 52 years old and still trying. You know I realize now I didn't stand a snowball in hell trting to hava an honest grown up mother/daughter realtionship with her. I would have never even begun the healing process with her in my life. she stifled me for so long I gave up. Please don't let that happen to you. If she can't handle it right now concentrate on yourself and whatever other avenues you can take. accept it and God willing someday things will be different. it's about you right now sweetheart, no one else.

Love you,
Grasshopper xo