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I would like to share some thoughts on coping with PTS.

For myself, one of the most important attitudes I have is one of determination. This attitude has served me well when things were looking quite down and I had little hope. My attitude was stronger than my feelings at those times. And unlike feelings, attitude can remain unchanged despite the circumstances that bring on feelings. There were times my hope wavered. My condition or circumstances would worsen. But my attitude of determination saw me through. I was able to carry on and pull my dejected soul into the hands of those who cared about me: social workers, non-profit groups, church workers and others that lend a helping hand for those in need. Had I not moved, stayed shut -in my room, in bed, watching my world fall apart and knowing that I was about to lose all my basic needs of food and shelter. I would be living on the street a hope less drunk addict on the edge of death.

Maybe that’s what it takes for some people to finally see that either move or die. I was prepared for life on the streets, I had plans for and gathered the thing I needed in a back packs, in the event that the streets would be my temporary home. I had list of food banks, shelters, charity organizations , churches that service the poor, hot food kitchens, and the like. I was determined to not only survive the streets but thrive beyond. I maybe in the throws of the worst depression I was to ever know and was weak and frail, I could still move my body. And that’s exactly what I did. In spite of condition that rendered me confused, constantly tired, and in despair. I moved my body. That was about the only thing I could move. I could not move my mind to think my way out of the house but I could move my body. I had surrendered my mind to the action of movement and nothing more.

I moved into the hands of those who cared about me. I was helped by the act of compassion. I felt care fore. I felt love.

I was willing to move with despair, hopelessness and dejection. Like a pack mule my body carried my pain and suffering to appointments. Today I feel grateful for a body that could move: dial the phone, speak, legs that walked me to appointments, arms that opened the door, hands that touched the hands or others, eyes that could see the face of care. At a time when my mind was useless my body saved me. My body had become the attitude of determination in a time when I needed it most. My attitude filled every cell in my body and my body responded when my mind could not.

This is the best I can explain what happened to me: my attitude altered my body, my mind and body became one. my mood overtook the mind and my body overtook my mood and carried the mind . And that thing I call “me” watched in amazement. Somehow I moved when I could not think of moving. Very strange stuff………. Very Zen….. and the stuff that faith is made off.

I’m will never be the same, because I am remain determined to change for the better and my mood can not change that.

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