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Old 02-22-2007, 05:18 AM   #1
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boundaries with therapist

Had to tell therapist she was ******* me off yesterday. Only happened once before but for the same reason. Everyone knows about my problem with my WC case. I settled it with attorney's last week, immediately without worrying for weeks on end, and let it go. It is what it is and as long as I understood what was going on I was OK with it. never mentioned it again. Got through Hubby's party with my teeth flopping everywhere. Yesterday before I left for my session hubby ****** me off. Not a biggie just something I asked him to do/not do and he basically ignored me. We have had this conversation before so he knows how I feel. He has told me I am the most generous wife when it comes to him enjoying his friends and hobbies. I am. He's right. But on occassion if I ask him not to go somewhere that day, or I need his help. etc. I expect him to have the same respect for me and put me first since I have no restrictions on him. Well by the time i got to therapy I was really annoyed at him and wanted to discuss it. Therapist was going on and on about my WC case. every time I tried to interupt there were more questions about how I was going to deal with having to see my boss who I despise. After almost 30 minutes of being badgered about this and being annoyed because I had forgotten all about it and it wasn't bothering me she finally said she could see that I was getting upset. I was so proud of myself I told her flat out " I am not upset about the WC case, I am gettingupset becaue everytime I try to say something you are back on this subject. It is done. Forgotten. When I came here today I wanted to talk about something that was bothering me and now time is almost up." well she was flabergasted that I told her she was ******* me off. My money, my time, my PTSD, my anxiety. then she proceeds to tell me that my husband is avoiding me because he doesn't want to hear aabout the WC case anymore. She met him once and I think was enthralled by him so now everytime he is mentioned , no matter what he does it has become my fault. Got home and hubby apologized immediately and I told him what she said. He was then annoyed since we have that kind of relationship that if he's tired of hearing me go on about something he willflat out say "Grasshopper, take a break. you're making me nuts and you're obsessing about this" The whole session made me more angry then before I got there. What's your thoughts on a session like this? all feedback will be appreciated.

Grasshopper

 
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Old 02-22-2007, 06:26 AM   #2
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Re: boundaries with therapist

Dear Grasshopper,

You were validated in being annoyed.

From what you present here, it seems that she "took control" of the session without your permission. If she would have stated at the end of your previous session, this would be the "soup of the day" at least you would have been prepared and brought a spoon along with you (my analogies again).

I don't know your history with the therapist too well but even if she said at the beginning of the session: "I would like to talk about" or "would you mind if this session were dedicated to"; at least there would have been clarification.

What we have here is a failure to communicate.

This would be a perfect opportunity to set some ground rules.

It is counter-productive for you to enter the session angry and leave the session in an advanced stage of the emotion.

The thing with therapists is that they base their medical opinions based on what they were taught.

They will not always be 100% accurate.

Even the best of them have met with the above statement.

Remember above all, your therapist is a human being and sometimes their words are guided by emotion; even though they are trained otherwise.

You expressed yourself and that's a good thing.

I once met up with a similar situation and I raised my hand and stopped responding. Once the therapist saw this, there was a silence and then I expressed myself.

Other times; well we won't get into "other times" now.

Why do you have to see your "former employer?"

Not going there between "hubby" and you except to say that it is good to see that you two resolved the problem before bedtime.

I am probably rambling, so I'll stop for now.

Take care
God Bless
FTM

 
Old 02-22-2007, 06:40 AM   #3
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Re: boundaries with therapist

FTM---you never ramble. thanks for the response. I think she was just fixated on what she THOUGHT was going on. I said several times that it was Ok. I was no longer bothered by it. Things have changed a little in my comp case and I will have to sit through a depo given by my boss. not a bad thing as if he lies or starts hearsay crap I will have the opportunity to counteract whatever he says in private. It's just a formality. He wasn't even in the building so has nothing to offer unless he lies and my attorney is ready for it. I despise my boss as he is a mean, nasty, dishonest creep.He has used his authority to mentally and emotionally abuse me. I have stood up for myelf with him many times just to have things become worse. alot of retaliation. There is no love lost between the two of us. I was supposed to testify in court which i was OK with and then at the last minute the attorney's decided to settle through the mail BUT not until the IC got this guys depo. they have had a year to do it. Alll he can do is bash me, lie and make crap up. My attoreny is aware that he has done this with other employees so it's not a legal problem. It's my last closing of doors. The thought of sitting across from him and him doing "his thing" and me having to shut up until it's over made me a little anxious to say the least when i first found out. After talkin it over with my atoreny who said it's just a formality and there is really nothing he has to say since he wasn't ther e I was a lot calmer. It will be only about 15 min. and as I said I will be able to be sworn in again and counteract anything he lies about without him there. the final word is mine. I tried to explain to my therapist that I'm not in distress over this I just want closure. Want everything over with, signed, sealed and delivered. Want to be officially retired as I have already made the decision but can't do anything on paper until WC settles or I stand to lose alot of $$$$$$$$.

UGH!!!! I hate the legal system as you well know.

Hugs,
Grasshopper

 
Old 02-22-2007, 08:21 AM   #4
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Re: boundaries with therapist

In my opinion your therapist talked about things easy and interesting for her and she doesn't want to talk about emotional unpleasant things like you and your boss relationship. Outside it may look like she is doing something valuable and not concentrating on something unimportant, but actually she doesn't do anything for you, which irritates you.
In terms of your husband, it is much easier for her to blame you. She will not go and blame your dh, you are right there. Again she is doing what is easier for her.
May be I am too prejiduce to therapists in general, but that what I see.

 
Old 02-22-2007, 09:20 AM   #5
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Re: boundaries with therapist

galinaqt**** I feel the time is approaching to take a break from therapy or if nothing else drop back to once or twice a month instead of once a week. I maybe wasn't clear. All she wanted to talk about was my horrible relationship with my boss. I haven't seen him in 10 months and have gotten past all issues I had with him. I just can't stand people like him and she just wanted to go deeper with it. There is no where to go with it. I hate him , he hates me. It is what it is. that's what annoyed me. she just wanted to keep going. there was nothing else to talk about. As far as my husband goes , she only met him once and I really believe was attracted to him because since then she mentions him at every session. He's a good husband but we have had our share of discontent. We work through it but I am the one who saved his life and he will be the first one to say it so for her to idolize him and put all the blame on me for a silly misunderstanding that was his fault was just wrong on her part. Hubby told me last night as he apologized that he was wrong. I knew it and so did he. You know part of the PTSD thing is feeling to blame for everything wrong in your life and being made to feel like it was all your fault. I didn't need my therapist adding to the mix. it's only the second time she's done it and both times I jumped her butt. Nice to see you, thanks for listening.

Hugs,
Grasshopper

 
Old 02-22-2007, 09:33 AM   #6
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Re: boundaries with therapist

If you want to get your therapists attention real fast just don't say anything, look at her and just stand up, and wait, she will want to know what is going on then, or like was recommended just quit talking and hold up your hand it should work.

You have every right to be upset with your therapist for not lessening to what you were trying to talk about, it was something that was bothering you and that made it the topic for the day, or should have by my way of thinking.

You have a right your emotions and to feel the way you feel and if you have someone you can talk to about it that is great and you can chose to post here what you feel you can share with the group that is here, and get feed back and find somethings you can use.

Peace and be safe

gunner

 
Old 02-22-2007, 09:41 AM   #7
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Re: boundaries with therapist

Dear Grasshopper,

We will definitely talk.

Take care
God Bless
FTM

 
Old 02-22-2007, 10:57 AM   #8
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Re: boundaries with therapist

ICC,

After reading your post half way through I thought of this.....She knows that you are getting healthy, and she KNOWS that you are NOT going to need therapy, but I THINK she was trying to PUSH your BUTTONS to drive you to the point that you WOULD NEED therapy. At least that was my take on things. You did GREAT!!!!!!! Did exactly what you should have done. I hope she squirmmed in her seat after you told her off......

YUCK it's SNOWING like CRAZY here.....And I have to walk 2 dogs. Well I only have to walk one. The other I have to half drag, half carry. He's so old that he falls down the stairs, and pees on his foot......OH GOD 7 more days of this!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE SOMEONE PRAY FOR SUNSHINE, WARMER WEATHER, and NO MORE SNOW!!!!!!!!! WHAT?????? Do you really think that I am asking for too much?????


Love n hugs,

Sid

 
Old 02-22-2007, 11:33 AM   #9
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Re: boundaries with therapist

I think she is on your husband side not because she admires him but making you the guilty party is the easiest thing to do. She is not going to find your husband and blame him, but you are right there.
First therapist I had blamed me for my husbands shortcomings like so-so career on me being negative. He was already 42 by the time we got married and I knew him 2 years before that. If he was career determined he would improve by 40.
Same way I was guilty for being sexually harrassed at work place, not scum who did it.
One can't unconditionally trust that people. They may help and they may hurt.

 
Old 02-22-2007, 12:27 PM   #10
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Re: boundaries with therapist

galinaqt ___ i now understand what you are saying and very right about it.

Gunner--- good idea. I will try it in more than one situation. I can see where it would stop the other person in their tracks. thanks for the support.


Sid You know that occurred to me because in the last month i have gone into sessions with nothing on my mind. she mentioned to me that maybe it was time to cut back or stop all together. WAY TO GO GRASSHOPPER!!!!! she was pushing buttons but instead of ignoring it and going home in a blue funk I made it clear how I felt and why. Maybe it's time for me to just be here with my friends and keep the money in my pocket.

FTM ***** whenever you're ready you know where to find me.

Love to all,
Grasshopper

Last edited by ICC; 02-22-2007 at 12:29 PM.

 
Old 02-22-2007, 02:01 PM   #11
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Re: boundaries with therapist

I think she gave you signals that she would prefer not to have you as a customer. May be she is not suppose to tell in your face that she doesn't want to have you as a customer.
You are keeping coming and she is doing bad job for you.
First therapist I had was also asking me every session if I want to come again or not. I wish I got the message.

 
Old 02-22-2007, 02:10 PM   #12
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Re: boundaries with therapist

galinaqt --- i think you might be right. I have no more issues to deal with and she knows that. also I have had a standing appt at the same time for months and now she can only see me late in the day knowing it's hard for me to drive once it's dark out. all of a sudden she HAS to be in a meeting from 9:00 a.m. until around 4:00 every wednsday and that is the only day she is in the office near me. maybe it's true but i think my times up and maybe instead of her saying it outright is finding little hints and ways to have me make the decision. She's probably right. it should be my decision unless she feels it's unsafe and obviously it isn't.

Sid ---- Yes she did squirm. she actually got up , sat somewhere else and ended the session.

Hugs,
Grasshopper

 
Old 02-22-2007, 04:01 PM   #13
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Re: boundaries with therapist

Dear Grasshopper,

Had a bad arguement with my father; will explain and reply tomorrow.

Take care
God Bless
FTM

 
Old 02-22-2007, 04:32 PM   #14
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Re: boundaries with therapist

Is it possible to find another therapist? I still think she should just tell you that she can't see you anymore instead of putting you through that.

 
Old 02-22-2007, 05:19 PM   #15
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Re: boundaries with therapist

galinaqt ---- i'm not even worried about it. I don't feel I need anymore therapy at this time so will just tell her i'm going to try it alone for a month and if i still don't need her we can close my file. If necessary to go back someday I will.


FTM ---- how upsetting. I will be here first thing in the morning and we'll talk. I miss you, you and I haven't really had a heart to heart in awhile. like when we first met.

Peace and a good night,
Grasshopper

 
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