Breaking Through - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Message Board

orchardlady · 02-22-2007, 06:31 PM

Do you have "things" in your life make you want to run in the other direction when they happen?

Today I was telling Dr.Jim about my confusion with the fact that I can't watch...on TV or in real life...the simplest criticism, hurt to another person or animal, people being punished, etc. I also can't watch movies that end with "true love"; e.g. Sleepless in Seattle. If I watch them I end the movie sobbing for a couple of hours, so I haven't watched one in a long time.

Things as silly as American Idol. The nights when someone get voted off. There are times when I have to change the channel or turn off the TV. What is with this I asked? I can't watch The Apprentice all the way through because of the criticism and failure that happens in the middle. I can watch the beginning and the end of the board room, but not the middle 80%.

There is one instance that I witnessed once in person that haunts me in technicolor. I think of it often and it will not go away.

It happened back in 1992 or 1993 when I was working as a volunteer every Wednesday night for three hours in a large metropolitan level one trauma emergency room. All walks of life come through the triage...oh my goodness. One night, not unlike all the others, a mom came in with a crying 2/3 yr old in tow. The child was very upset. After telling this wee, sweet child to "Shut Up!" several times, she swung her arm and smacked the child square in the back with a flat open hand.

Then there is my startle reaction. It is so bad. I don't jump three feet, I jump six feet. And, over the smallest unseen, but heard, noise. And since my MVA in 1994, I am terrible in the car. My daughter...goodness...Mom, Stop it!. She can't understand why the smallest things make me jump...but only when I am not the drive...in control.

Classic PTSD! So, now it is on to working on why I avoid these things when they happen and what am I covering up by the avoidance.

All of the above has to do with my "Retreating" thread. I have decided to quit the attempt to be social until I have worked out these issue, which may take a very long time. It is just too difficult to talk myself into social occasions and then the aftermath of what I do to myself...just too much.

Anyone identify with all of this?

gunnerb52 · 02-22-2007, 09:05 PM

When you stat to look for the causes for all of your startle reactions and you avoidance of other situations you never know what you will find. I still have things that I do not understand anniversary that I can't place with any thing that happened. My doctor has told me that when the mind is ready to handle them they will come, my only problem is that I keep a lot of it locked down and once the dam breaks it can over load me. I am lucky that my wife can help keep me anchored to the here and now, if she only new how many times she has done that with out even trying. I am very very lucky to have her....

I have trouble with movies most I can watch but Platoon and Saving Private Ryan no way, I can watch but I don't remember the movie. I don't understand it but my doctor says not to watch them, I can watch all the others but the ones that are to close to being real I can not watch it shuts me down. Some movies and shows will make me want to cry songs can do the same thing with out and waring.

My startle reactions are better than what they use to be but I still don't like people walking behind me or loud noises unless I am the one causing them. I just don't like surprises either, make my plans for the day and that is it, don't like changes but sometimes I can.

What I am trying to say is that I can identify with a lot you are saying and know it will not be easy, I don't always like the answers but at lest I know what is causing the problem and can work on it from there.

I hope this helps

may you find peace

gunner

orchardlady · 02-23-2007, 02:30 AM

I didn't plan the discussion...just came to the top for some reason. I never realized either was a condition of PTSD.

He did give me a website that is great. Filled with PTSD information. Tons of research, mostly for professionals, but we patients are a lot smarter than most professionals give us credit for.

stick2013 · 02-23-2007, 04:39 AM

Dear Carolyn,

Yes I can indentify with everything that you stated. I find it hard to sit through some movies, and TV shows too. I ended up either way to angry, or crying. I hate the show the Apprentice....I think Donald Trump is an ARROGANT PIECE of HUMAN GARBAGE that enjoys destroying people emotionally for his own entertainment. The last movie I went to was "Finding Nemo" I cried........I cry over watching the birth of babies on TV.

I just think that people with PTSD are on sensory overload all the time.... As far as driving with someone else....OMG!!!! I an a backseat driver if anyone else is driving, I have the brakes on in the passenger seat the entire ride.....It's one of the reasons that I ended a 20 yr friendship. He used to think it was FUNNY to scare the crap out of me when he was driving.

The starle response come with the territory of PTSD.....Mine has gotten a little better, but I still startle easy.

Keep posting, and keep letting things out... This is good therapy.....

Hugs,

Sid

orchardlady · 02-23-2007, 05:02 AM

I use to watch Grey's Anatomy, but I can't watch it anymore either. Too much relationship turmoil.

Maybe there is a reason I like the old black and white 40s movies so much. Now there is a thought.

The other thing I am dealing with right now is my son. He wants me to come to the upper northwest to visit him before he leaves for Iraq in five weeks. Part of me wants to go, but part of me wants to run in the other direction. Sometimes I just wish he would go away and never return into my life. I just can't seem to get excited about visiting him (33 yrs in April), but I know it is the right thing for me to do...he has come so far emotionally. While I know I don't need to fear him like I once did, he still scares me. Having said that, I am his only safe harbor on plant earth. Some days I resent that, some days I am okay with it.

Dr.Jim started to plan "hangman" with me one day. I knew the word before he ever finished drawing the guy and the letter-lines. FORGIVE If I forgive my son...then I have to forgive the jerk (being nice here) who is buried in a cemetary 1,000 miles away from me...then I have to forgive myself. I feel so responsible for the person my son was, and try to take on the good responsibility feelings for who he is now...but to do the latter I have to forgive myself.

Ugh